A Beta Life

I’ve lived most of my life as a Beta, or AFC (Average Frustrated Chump).

Weak willed, I developed one-itis on every occasion a woman struck my fancy.  In high school and through college, I was smitten with one girl whom I hoped would someday say yes to me, and we could live happily ever after.  After her fucking two of my close friends, I kept myself up wondering:

“Why couldn’t this girl like me?  I was so nice to her, I did everything she asked, I was always available to talk.”

“This was how I was told it was supposed to be.  Everyone told me this.”

One day, after all the stress to myself, I snapped.  I blew up at her.  She had LJBF’d (Let Just Be Friends) me so many times, I couldn’t handle it.  Needless to say, we stopped talking and the friendship ended.

This set the tone for my life.  Same story.  Girls would friend-zone me after I would not declare my intentions, I would stew about it while she fucked my friends, then I would blow up at her.  Rinse, repeat.

In late 2003, I met my ex-wife.  I was so ensconced in my Beta male life, I had to go to on-line dating.  I thought everyday about having a girlfriend.  I thought this was the apex of my life, why I lived.  And the worst part of it was, I was just beginning to come out of my shell (finally) and see some Red Pill truths, but just as I was, I was pulled back down.

I lost my virginity at 27 to my ex-wife.  I had finally gotten laid.  I had finally found my soulmate.

For 10 years, I lived in Beta male bliss.  Sex with my ex-wife diminished to the point that she allowed me to purchase porn movies and subscriptions.  I had two kids with her, and lived my life as if this was how it was supposed to be.  AFC style.  I had it down.

Then a few years ago, I made a fateful decision.  After attending therapy for some anger issues (AFC anger), I had an epiphany.  I was unhappy in my marriage.  I should be having sex, I shouldn’t just be the guy who brings home the check, kisses his wife on the cheek, and gets busy on the “Honey do” list.  So after this revelation, I sat up in bed one very cold winter evening, and told my ex-wife, “It’s over.  I want a divorce.”

She was speechless.  At first, she was desperate.  She saw her meal ticket flying away.  I had helped her pay off her student loans, her car, and her many different job skills that she had tried and quit. She didn’t respect me, I was a clown.  I rolled over for her, we seldom fought because of this.

The worst problem?  My kids didn’t respect me.  They watched as time and time again, I rolled over to my ex-wife.  I went to work, I came home, grabbed my list of her demands, and got to work.  Had I not had therapy, I would have died this way.  Being plugged in is not a way to live a life.

Now I was getting a voice, and she wasn’t happy.

We went to couples therapy.  My mind was set.  I needed to move on.  My life was too short to live this way.

I had lived 37 years as a Beta male.  Was this the turning point?  Could I finally live my life for me?  

Part 2 on Monday.

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