Photo Credit:  Hulu – Masters of the Universe – Mattel

As I write this today, I think back to when I was a blue-pilled, weak willed beta.  It was a miserable time for me, but at that particular moment in my life, I had no clue I was miserable.

Being plugged in as I was, completely immersed in a world that I thought I had created, I had no idea what empowerment was.  My ex-wife had the power, as well as dominating female relatives who, through no fault of their own, propagated a fem-centric male role for me, where I drifted day to day in a role of what I was told I was supposed to be in.  As a blue pill beta, I was told this was the pinnacle of life for me (kids, wife, job, expensive house).  It was very depressing.

What’s important to remember here is I was responsible for my blue pill conditioning.  I was.  I allowed myself to be taken advantage of by willing participants, whether they were complicit or not, and refused to take responsibility for my own life.  This happens to many blue pill betas, they are ghosts in their own life, never making a decision to live for themselves, merely another gear in the machine. 

Through therapy and my own research, I decided to learn more about what it means to be a blue pill beta, still hooked in, and decided to do something about it.  What’s funny is that most betas will be exposed to Red Pill Theory and scoff at it, not take it seriously, and ignore it.  While providing the information is really all RPT gurus can do, it’s only when the beta decides to take the step to unplug that change can truly happen.  So, you have self-empowerment.

In the months following my divorce,  my blue pill conditioning seldom wavered.  I had not changed, and the women I dated simply saw an opportunity to grab up a brain dead beta who wasn’t empowering himself, but I was simply floating down waiting for someone to come in my life to make it better.

And this is one of the largest fallacies with blue pill conditioning:
It’s not the fault of everyone else, it’s yours.  You are responsible for your own life. 

When going through Red Pill Detox, most betas will blame their surroundings on their circumstances, and this is a natural reaction to being unplugged.  I experienced this, becoming MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and shutting what I thought was external toxicity in the form of over-bearing siblings, parents, ex-partners, friends, and co-workers.  I had one last blue pill hurrah with a feminist and was dumped because I was too beta.  A feminist dumping me because I was too beta?  Good God, I was a mess.

I went ghost (which I do recommend at some point in your life for self-reflection – another post :)) and moved on with my life.  After two months of intense study of literature and self-reflection, I realized it wasn’t my environment or the folks around me, it was me…period.

My life is what I make it.  If I choose to live under the thumb of the Feminine Imperative as a cuck beta, regardless of how twisted and unfair the environment where I’m raised is, it’s on me.  Now, the information needs to be more readily available for blue pills to educate themselves, but it’s not like the FI has a monopoly on information.  Great RP authors, speakers, educators, and theorists exist and are at your disposal.  The last step you have to take, as will everything else you will encounter in your life, is yours.

So after my MGTOW phase (and that’s all it ever should be, a phase), I continued to study and learn more about my ongoing unplugging.  Little did I know, I was empowering myself.  Slowly and steadily, I was taking back control of my life.  The first step was setting boundaries.  I had lines I would not allow anyone to cross, and when they did, it was only a short time until they were out of my life, or had very little influence in it.

The second step was enforcing those boundaries, all while creating new ones.  As each new border was created, new people would enter my life, while ones who didn’t like this new me left.  A paradigm shift was occurring, and as in The Matrix, I could finally see it.  I could finally see the whole playing field, the stands, the sky, the other players, all of it.

Clarity in one’s life comes at a price, and that price is comfort.  

It was not a comfortable time.  Friends and family were questioning me, making my unplugging more and more uncomfortable.  Unplugging is tough, because not only do you know the truth, you live it.   You see people for who they really are, who they really support, and who was rooting for you versus who wanted what you could provide as a blue pill.

I continue to this day to continue empowering myself.  I make no excuses for who I am, what I represent, and what I believe.  This is true empowerment.  But it’s my life and it’s on my terms, and what could be more empowering that having control of your own destiny?

Red Pill Therapy

Photo Credit:  voirelia.com
I can honestly say that I have been seeing a psychologist for the better part of 4 years.  And I don’t regret any of it.  Because it helped get me to the red pill version of me that’s manifesting itself currently.
As a blue pill beta some 5 years ago, I was toiling away in a loveless marriage.  My job was extremely stressful, and was becoming more and more a source of some anger issues.  My wife at the time was a stay at home mom with no motivation to do anything.  As soon as I would finish my shift at work (would sometimes have to work later), I would get her list of demands.  She had no outside interests, no friends, nothing but raising our kids. Thus, life for me was turning into a soul sucking spiral of depression, hurt feelings, missed opportunities, and growing frustration.
This frustration with a life decided by everyone but me overflowed one day at work.  I snapped.  I flew off the handle.  I yelled at my bosses for their constant abuse towards me.  It wasn’t pretty at all. I was sent home with the caveat that either I must go to therapy to solve my issues, or lose my job.
With two kids and a wife to support, I chose the former.  
My first day on the couch was a bit nerve-racking.   I didn’t know why I was there.  I had always assumed therapy was not for me, people would talk.  My blue pill mind was always afraid if someone saw me there what they would think.  I nervously waited for my appointment.
As the door opened and I got started, I quickly realized that it was in the best interests of my emerging red pill self to go to therapy.   As I spoke, it was finally dawning on me that all the problems I had were coming from me, not the environments around me.  I had to change myself, adjust to this new reality, and come to terms with it.  
For over a year, I had bitter truths to swallow every session.  From overprotective members of my family, to my domineering wife, it covered the gambit.  But none of it, none, had to do with my job.  I didn’t take anything out on anyone, didn’t have a release, so I blew.  It happens every time.
Photo credit:  avoiceformen.com

Struggle & Epiphany

 As the weeks and months passed, I slowly learned that what was affecting me was my loveless marriage, and not my job.  It was my blue pill beta shining through in many different forms, and I needed to correct it stat.
After a year of therapy, my therapist concluded in a short session ending sentence, “You know what the problem is, so you need to make a decision.”  This decision would affect my entire life, the lives of my children, it would be a major course correction 10 years in the making.  So, one cold February night, I told my wife I wanted a divorce.  With that, my life was changed forever.
I will talk more about my subsequent divorce and proceedings next week, but for right now, I want to talk about what this “red pill” therapy means.  My therapist was most interested in bringing out the real red pill man secluded in his blue pill life.  “Your top priority,” he said, “is you.”  “You can’t begin to do anything with this life until you realize that you, and only you, are the key to your own happiness.”
These words stuck with me, even as we dove in to my numerous problems.  I had not carefully crafted a life for myself, I was living someone else’s life.  My parents, wife, etc, had influenced me to a point that I had no say in my own life.  I had no personal boundaries.  That was the first thing we had to accomplish.  I needed to put down boundaries.
When you start putting down boundaries, you start seeing who has your best interests at hand.  Soon, people who had been controlling me were put off.  I had stood my ground, and drew a line in the sand.  This is my boundary.  I started setting more boundaries.  I started enforcing them.  As I was doing this, I noticed people who wanted me to succeed started multiplying, while those who refused to accept this better version of myself, fell by the way side.  
It took therapy for me to realize that red pill realization was even possible, as my therapist technically gave me the red pill before anyone else.  He saved my life, just as other Red Pill authors and experts have helped me to gain perspective and continue my red pill transformation.
I can’t recommend therapy enough, however, make sure it’s red pill therapy.  Any religious based therapist will no doubt try to save the marriage, even if it’s doomed to fail.  Check references, make sure the therapist is licensed and has a degree (mine had one in psychology proudly displayed).  See your therapist for an initial meeting, get a feel for him/her, and have clear objectives into what you want.  
See a couple at first to get an idea who you jive with better.  But they must be willing to help you, not your situation.  Their first and only objective should be to help you become a better, happier person, giving you guidelines, reading materials, assignments or homework.  Also, as many of my red pill colleagues have states, keep a journal.  Write it down.  Your feelings will become all the more clearer on paper, and I can’t tell you how much it helped me.
More next week.