The Conundrum

Credit: Business Insider

After my last relationship ended last year, I wasn’t as anxious to get back into the dating pool. I had seen some of the worst the dating world had to offer (or so I thought), so getting back out there, especially with what I knew, had to be done a bit more delicately and with much more savvy.

This started with the Red Pill. I was just scratching the surface with it in December of 2018, so I had yet to really apply it in my dating life, and that would have to be a primary action in order to go back out there. I wasn’t going to be flying blind anymore.

So, I went back in. I started to do more approaching, journaling my progress, and for the past 5 months, I’ve been playing the game, albeit poorly at times, but I’m still a work in progress. I’ve never been shy about saying that.

But a darker side of the dating world has shown itself to me in this time. That of the cheating spouse. In the five months after my last breakup, I’ve been involuntarily solicited via text by married women no more that 10 times, from 7 different women. I’ve been sexted by several “happily married” women I’ve met though my business networking contacts. It’s a dirty little secret, but I’m seeing more and more of it in my time being single.

It’s Never Who You Think It Is

The first text was innocuous enough. “What are you doing?”

A strange number graced my phone screen. I was perplexed. I didn’t know the number, and being the obsessive compulsive phone guy that I am, I didn’t answer right away. Then the screen lit up again.

“It’s Tanya from Dynamix.”

Who? Oh. I remembered.

I had recently been to a networking event for local business owners in my city, and met no less than 20 different women, most were decent enough, but Tanya…

Tanya was cute. An HB 7 with long brown hair, sexy blue eyes, and an athletic 5’7″ frame. She was a girl whom I’d spotted early in the night, but my attention went elsewhere when I noticed her ring. She kept trying to get close to me, but I kept my distance. It’s not that I wasn’t attracted to her, it’s just that hitting on a married woman wasn’t in the cards. I don’t actively seek to help anyone cheat, unless they have an axe to grind, and being used as a sex toy for a struggling sexual relationship hasn’t ever been too terrible of a position for me.

But in general, I don’t solicit married women. I know that if I’m to be married or even in an LTR later in my life, I’d like to make sure that Chad isn’t waiting in the wings to screw my wife or girlfriend. I don’t want to be that guy, but I understand that there are more and more of “those” guys, especially these days.

Beta men are getting married to their oneitises, and in turn, dropping all illusions of trying to better themselves. Marriage becomes the “honey do” list, sex once a month, beer belly, and sports, porn and long hours after work drinking to avoid the inevitable.

I know this book well. I’ve been there. I’ve lived it.

So it stands to reason I know what these guys are doing to sabotage their marriages. Women are hypergamous in nature, and with their innate need to trade up to a better man, they’ll go looking for anything better than the beta they’re saddled with. Enter me with Tanya.

Tanya had drank a few glasses of wine by the time the event hit it’s stride. We’d locked eyes and exchanged sly smiles for most of the early evening. She was maneuvering over to my position with alarming rapidity, and all I could do was try to be as polite as I could be, but damn, she looked good. Low cut ivory blouse, business suit skirt, wicked black high heels, and a pearl necklace. She jingled as she walked with jewelry her husband had bought, and as I went back for another beer at the bar, I knew she had started following me.

I gave in. We started to talk, and before I knew it, we were kissing in the parking lot after a few hundred beers. It was a haze to me on what I said, but it must have been something amazing, because here she was, not three days later, texting me.

It’s Never Going That Far

I tried to ignore the phone for as long as I could. But I texted back, finally.

“Hi. How are you doing?” I muttered.

“I’m good! Just wanted to see how you were.” she answered.

“I’m good as well.” I typed.

“Look, about the other night…” I started. She quickly interrupted my texting by calling me.

“It’s okay.” She spoke.

“I just wanted you to know how awesome it was to meet you. I was hoping we could get some lunch?” She nonchalantly asked.

I knew where this was headed. I just knew it.

“Listen, Tanya. You’re really nice, but you’re married.” I uttered.

“I know. But I’m not happy. I’ve not been happy for a long time. But I have fun with you. Even though I just met you, I feel like we’ve known each other for ages.”

“Let’s just have lunch.”

And, here was my conundrum. I have an attractive woman, a MARRIED, attractive woman, who wants to have “just lunch.”

It’s never just lunch. As I was about to find out.

Two days later, I was at lunch with her. She looked even better than before. I knew I had to say something. I knew I had to do something. It was just before the end of the meal that I spoke.

“Why are we here? Why are we doing this?” I stuttered.

“Because we want this. Now, what are you gonna do about it?” she asked.

So, I calmly smiled, had her follow me out, we got in our cars, she followed me to my house, and I had sex with her. Great, unfettered, passionate sex. Nearly 3 hours of sweat. Every room of the house, the shower, kitchen, even on the bathroom sink. We didn’t even speak, we just took each other, embraced. Then she and I got off of the floor, got dressed, kissed, and went our separate ways.

I never heard from her again.

It’s Never Just About Her Husband

As a divorced man, I’m one who is definitely against the whole idea of marriage, especially when we see incidents like the one above that I was involved in play out everyday. Men and women are cheating, and in greater numbers than ever before. Infidelity is becoming more widespread, with greater numbers happening after that 10-year marriage date.

But I wasn’t ready to face this epidemic head on, much less be a major part of it. But here I am. And it’s not just one woman, it’s many. They like the idea of “Chad Thundercock” taking them away from their problems, and I enjoy the idea of forbidden fruit. It’s all a thrill, but one that you can’t really brag about.

I’ve seen a marked increase in married women propositioning me. It’s pretty much the same makeup. Attractive, fit, sexy 30-40 year old women, either “neglected” by their husbands or boyfriends (as Tanya reported to be), or have been cheated on, or any combination of factors contributing to a sputtering marriage / relationship. But it’s more than that. We have a generation of people who are bucking the ideas of monogamy for the thrill of the fuck. Having something they’re not supposed to have. And they proceed to do it, then vanish back to their other lives.

I’m seeing it in all of my observations of my friend’s, relative’s, co-worker’s relationships. Everyone is so damned unhappy when they’re married. Sex is non-existent, stress is prevalent, and fighting is a daily occurrence.

I’ve lived the beta male lifestyle, and I’m seeing my close friends and family living it too. And the seeds planted early in the relationships are coming back to flower into a failing marriage. Guys who didn’t have frame, didn’t lead, didn’t learn to be their own person, getting with women with similar problems, turning into a dysfunctional nightmare of sexlessness, behind the back depravity and eventually full blown disaster divorces.

My thoughts on the changing concept of marriage and what it needs to develop into are for another blog and for another time. But know this. When you get back out in the dating pool, this possibility and now, reality, will hit you in the face and you need to know how to deal with it.

It’s Never The First Time

I had a choice to make. Was I going to be that guy? The guy that fucks married women? I fought it. I had to do the “right thing” the next time.

Another woman solicited me. I had met this woman through my kids school. I knew her husband. As an acquaintance, I would tell him what she was doing. I would show him.

It went as bad as you would expect. After I showed him, he burst into anger, throwing my phone, asking me if I took her up on her offer. I repeatedly denied it, and he stormed out of my house, slamming the door behind me. Now, they are divorcing. I thought I was doing the right thing…but I was only making it worse. I haven’t spoken to either party since then.

She’s obviously unhappy. She’s obviously lonely. So why not tell him yourself, woman? Why did I have to be the receiver of a sext, and then be the asshole who has to tell your husband you’re trying to cheat on him?

Well, as you all know, it’s never the whole story. He had cheated on her before, and she was trying to get back at him. It wasn’t the first time cheating for either of them as well, as I discovered.

What a fucked up mess.

It’s Never Black and White

So what’s the answer? Well, there really isn’t one.

Many of you are probably disgusted that I would sleep with a married woman, but I ask you the same question: What would you do?

Most of you would respond with the high minded response of “well, I would never put myself in that position. And I wouldn’t placate her whims.”

But wouldn’t you? It’s an easy answer when your dick’s limp, but try making that decision in the heat of the moment, and I think you’ll be a bit more pliable. But I don’t make a habit of sleeping with married women. I’m still looking for a long term relationship. But I’m also realistic. If a situation comes up again like the one with Tanya, I’d be hard pressed to say no. And maybe that makes me an asshole. But there’s a reason she’s looking.

So, the bottom line for me is don’t ask, don’t tell. I don’t share things like this lightly, as it generated strong emotions from all fronts, but I’m human, and while I don’t condone sleeping with married women, I won’t fault you if you do. If they throw themselves at you, are you going to be Mr. Good Guy and wag your finger? Fine. Then that’s you and your approach. I do that with 90% of the married women who proposition me. But I can’t say I’m perfect. None of us are.

“A stiff dick has no conscience.”

So, as you date, be aware of this growing segment of women. They’re not going away anytime soon, and you’ll be confronted by them sooner or later. How you take things is your choice, but be aware of the consequences of each choice.

And be ready to defend your choice, she may be texting you soon.

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