Trads or Chads

Photo Credit: BBC

The “manosphere”, a phrase that many times is just a catch all for men who are working against the feminist movement, working for men to re-take their lives, and working to educate men on their roles in this world, has recently had a split. But it’s not the split of egos or personal differences I’m talking about. It’s the perceived split between traditional men (Trads) and men who are still teaching basic PUA and interactions with females, touting “at times” the “enjoy the decline” mantra.

I will honestly say that these men and the camps they’ve formed, are NO different from each other. They all believe the same things, they all are unplugged and “red pilled” as well as under the same forward thinking that modern men need to be under.

The sphere, for years, has split against itself with one side claiming red pill purity and the other side claiming life after the red pill and men bettering themselves. Both are correct. Both are needed. Red pill is a truth moment, with it’s many branches, but it isn’t a blue print on how to live, it simply is a list of truths that a man must accept in order to move on with his life, especially with concern to women. Both are supposed to work in concert, with red pill guys dropping truth bombs, then PUA / life guys taking over to keep those truths in the man’s life, and crafting a life that these truths become a cornerstone of. But the truths are REQUIRED or a man to accept to move forward. He can’t halfheartedly accept them without knowing full well that they will change his life for the better if he adheres to them completely. He has to.

If he doesn’t, none of the other crap matters, because he’s still living in an illusion. If he does accept, the “trad” men take over and push a man to live for himself first, and a woman is a compliment to his life, not a reason.

Physical and mental fitness, style, diet, and other aspects are then put to this man, with him taking responsibility for creating a life that is truly his.

Gurus, dudes looking to make a buck, regular guys, etc, all vying to help this man with his life. None of this is wrong.

Once again, for the people in the back, there are no differences in these men’s thinking. Guys need the help, especially guys who have taken and accepted the pill. They are vulnerable out of the womb again, so men on the sphere are taking these guys and helping them.

The differences, as I will spell out here, put me in neither of the camps, and in the big scheme of things, are a hair that doesn’t need splitting, but will no doubt be split for years to come, as it has for years before.


The hard core red pill guys are out there everyday and they have a point.

They run with mantras such as “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” as well as the other oft repeated phrases that have made this sphere the sphere that it is. Remember, it all begins and ends with the red pill, which is why guys like Rollo, Dalrock, Pook, Roosh, and Roissey will always have a voice long after they are gone. The reason these guys and their content will always be around is because it’s truth. It connects men throughout the world with the truth that’s been withheld from them forever. These buzz words and phrases, while trite and over used, form the basis of the truths men should be taught at a young age, but rarely are. Feminism is a huge problem that is only getting worse as we get into the more “woke” decade.

PUA’s are working on this side as well, and while notch count is king in many of their worlds, it stands to reason that getting better with women is one of the best and most useful applications of the red pill. You can’t be a better man without learning to be better with women. And men by the truckload want to be better with women. Men are sexual, so they’re buying what the manosphere and the red pill are selling. And it’s an easy sell because guys want to sleep with hot women.

The “enjoy the decline” guys have a point, albeit one that isn’t easily applied to an unplugged man’s life. The philosophy of ETD is a philosophy based on red pill truths but doesn’t give a man anything other than notches and a bit of an empty life to look back at. I think that many men require a purpose, with the purpose of bedding all manner of girls being fine for a period in a man’s life, but not the end all be all. This is why the red pill is a praxeology at first, and not the whole ball of wax that men need. Truly, living the red pill life has many advantages, but it doesn’t give men enough to truly move forward. It only shows men a general list of concepts to deal with women and move forward socially.

Which is why I don’t fall into this category. I do believe that men need to have experience with women and need to meet as many and experience as much from all women have to offer before deciding on an LTR. But I also believe that they need to have that LTR. Many of the red pill purists are in LTR’s or marriages. They’ve pursued red pill ideals to conclusions that go against some of the red pill purity crowd in never getting bogged down in marriage or LTR’s and notch count as king. I also believe that marriage is still a viable option, as most MGTOW or other red pill groups will tell men to avoid at all costs. Also, the RP decries women having any input at all on their side of it. “Don’t talk about Fight club” is all too prevalent. But I think women’s input, showing the results of what the red pill brings to men, can add to the sphere, just as long as they don’t dictate behaviors, but instead show how the behaviors learned can affect a positive relationship with the opposite sex.

The single mom dilemma isn’t a dilemma to Chads, as they avoid them at all costs. But I disagree with their thinking that ALL single moms are terrible wastes looking for men as a meal ticket or substitute father. There are many good ones out there I have dated not looking at victim hood as a cash cow, but putting their heads down and making no excuses for their lives. This is where I split with the Chad crowd. And while I’m in no danger of wifeing up a single mom for sex, it does happen and men need to avoid women who are damaged just looking for money to help them rectify mistakes they’ve made on another man’s bill. It’s about living life on your terms with all the education to back that up.

I still and always will be a red pill adherent. But I do believe that there is more to a man’s life than that, but it is the key that unlocks a vast majority of it.

The value lies in the fact that these truths will always be there for men willing to learn and accept them. And for that, they will be eternally important and a required part of the sphere. But there’s more.


Trads, or the beard wearing, lumberjack looking, weight lifting tough guys that have propagated the manosphere (I’m probably one cause I have a beard), have really taken off in the past year. We are seeing men living the manly virtues, all while trying to push red pill truths. We’ve seen the religious right show up in this group, with Christianity and some Islam being thrown into the manosphere for good measure. And why shouldn’t they? These religions are based on men leading and having a strong masculine presence. Islam, especially, hasn’t really been infiltrated by feminism as Christianity has. But the religious right will continue to lay claim to parts of the manosphere and what parts haven’t been feminized will continue to play a part at the table of traditional masculinity.

But many of the religious messages are not compatible with red pill truths, especially since we’ve seen a massive invasion of feminism in the church.

While the Chads set the truth, the Trads take it to conclusions. These are the life action guys such as the workout gurus, the dudes who demonstrate in life what actionable masculinity entails. They give the guidelines based on the red pill and how men need to live their lives in a red pill manner. If the red pill is the road map, the trad world is the transportation to get there.

Empowering men after they become unplugged has always been a dicey business because the temptation of the romantic, blue pill stories that get in men’s heads. The truth still needs someone to carry it to realization, men who have lived the pill and everything it stands for.

While I don’t relate to Chads on certain levels, I don’t relate to Trads on others.

True, I am a single father. True, I do believe that a long term relationship and marriage are still in the cards for many men. But every time traditional masculinity tries to up end or re-brand the red pill, they fail miserably. It shouldn’t be rebranded, and it can’t be re-invented. It’s a part of the sphere, regardless of if we think it should be or not. It’s a baseline realization that many men have to come to and it can’t be gotten around.

Marriage, as good as it can be, is not for every man. There are many men out there who are risk averse and also don’t have the inclination for any kinds of long term relationship, and that is okay.

Trads will also call on women to help shape and work on communicating the red pill, but they can’t effectively negotiate that side of it. This is where men on this side need to use their own success stories with their wives as motivation for men to show them what marriage, on their own terms, can truly be.

They also believe that many single moms are fine to date, as the Chads will tell you avoid them. Many single moms are damaged and looking for a meal ticket. They want a child to have a father figure because their worthless ex is not holding up his side of it. But there are quite a few single mothers I have dated that don’t ask for that. They have a father that cares and they aren’t in need of a man to father up the kids.

I also believe that sex, as a vital part of a man’s life, regardless of his morals, is still too important in any relationship to be disregarded. Red pill purists also believe this, and they are correct. Sex is much too important to try and gloss over.

The Two Sided Coin

So here we go, the two sided coin. A quarter is heads or tails, but it’s still worth 25 cents regardless of which side it lands on. That’s what this issue in in a nutshell. While we all may flex our perspective at times, all of it is good if in the end it’s establishing a man’s own choice as the correct one. Regardless of how he gets there, as long as he accepts the truth and chooses his life of his own accord, it’s a crap shoot on how to accomplish it.

There are no absolutes except the truth. And the truth will set you free. Other than that, the manosphere is one gigantic gray area. What work all of these men are doing, regardless of who says what, and who fronts how, is trying to keep men from making real mistakes that will cost them far more in the end. Money, time, even their lives. No man on this sphere wants to see a man take his own life. And that’s what we are all working towards. To make men satisfied and strong in their own lives. And making their own choices to that end, and holding them accountable.

It may not be pretty, but we are all living examples of men who’ve weathered hard times to come out ahead. And we’ve all done it on the red pill.

So regardless of which side you’re on, I’m telling you that the men I see and talk to on this side are preaching the truth, regardless of flex. They are trying to get men away from the feminist dream and trying to put them on solid ground that they alone negotiate. Men have to live life by their own rules, and it’s time for the sides to come together to make that happen.

It won’t, but I can always be hopeful.

For now, I choose not to be on either side. They both have their advantages, but both need to bridge the gap to really get to helping men the best way, by combining their forces. I will continue to be a demon for both sides because I don’t fully subscribe to either ideology. Because we need real world solutions besides broad platitudes to really help men in every situation. But, alas, we will be here for a while yet.

But, here’s the thing. Reasonable takes are needed in all aspects of a man’s life, and a platitude that pushes too far on either side shouldn’t be accepted.

But we still have the gaps, and we still have the disagreements, and we’ll still have it for years to come.

So I continue to work laboring under the common sense approach to all of this, what’s right is right, what’s wrong is wrong, but as long as you own it and do it on your own terms, you are living life right.


Photo Credit – Bukharian Jewish Link

One thing that I can truly say I’ve learned from being in Masculine Sphere for this time is that I have much to offer and I am the prize. It’s a tough lesson that many men never learn. I can truly say that my upbringing was one of what I could provide for women and not the other way around.

My mother had a horrible childhood. Terrible abuse suffered at the hands of trusted family members, my grandmother leaving my mother and my uncle at a very young age while she worked and slept around. This horrible childhood forced my mother to over-compensate with me in her child rearing. She wanted to make sure that I was good to women, to a fault, sacrificing myself for the good of the woman. Many women, especially the aging Baby Boomers experienced similar issues when they were being raised in the 60’s with the Sexual Revolution. Women were empowered, didn’t have to stay at home with the kids anymore, and allowed all manner of terrible fates to befall their kids.

But when the rules change, it still falls to that person to make the decision that affects their lives. So my mom decided to err on the side of caution and make damn sure I never grew up treating women as bad as she was treated.

But good intentions don’t always mean good results. My somewhat sheltered life as a child swung all the way back to hit me in the face as I grew up. Totally petrified of women, to the point of being intimidated to silence around them, I was the product of the helicopter parenting on steroids. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t be saved, nor did it mean I was doomed to an existence of constantly being beholden to women.

So when the red pill got my attention 2 years ago in my monk mode world, I was taken aback. “Men can truly control the narrative, they are indeed to prize.” Holy hell. This turns every damn thing on it’s head. Why was I told all my life that we are beholden to the woman? Why did I live my life that way? Could I have saved my marriage with this attitude?

The last question was answered by my ex-wife. I sat down with her to have a talk about what was lacking in our marriage and I saw right away.

I wasn’t leading. I wasn’t dictating the relationship. I wasn’t the steady, strong anchor that she needed. I let her dictate the relationship and it became chaos. She didn’t want it. I didn’t either. So we pretended.

Very seldom do we hear the real story behind our behaviors.

The Sexual Script Flipped

So imagine my surprise when I learned that not only should I get mine but I should be unapologetic about it.

Holy shit?!?!?

I was so hardwired to seek her approval, gain her acceptance, get her to cum, that I didn’t stop to think that her passionate embrace was all about me getting mine. But here we are, and yes gents, it truly is the case.

Men don’t want to hear this because they’ve been hardwired to believe that it’s all about her. And yet men who believe this and make it the case are miserable in their marriages. So are the women.

Damn. How did we get here?

I was always told that men needed to make sure women came before they did. And that’s just what I tried to do, until the sex dried up. But I did what they said to do! I focused on her pleasure. It failed miserably.

I chose that path because it’s what I was told would work. And it didn’t. So why the hell was I told that? Because no one lives the way you do. They tell you to make choices because of what THEY want, not what you want. They’ll yell to the hills to take this path because it’s not only the RIGHT way, but the way they chose. Do what they did. Because their choices made them HAPPY, right? Wrong. They aren’t happy. They’re lost. They’re projecting their insecurities on you. They want you to experience their right way that they are convinced is the correct path. But it isn’t. It never was. It’s just advice propagating itself.

But sex is where it all starts for men. Men are such sexual creatures, we crave it, we manifest it in our daily lives, and it is a cornerstone of who we are not only as animals, but as humans. It stands to reason that we need to address it first because it’s the lifeblood of everything a man stands for. And it’s this lifeblood that he’s made to feel ashamed.

“All men want is sex.” Well, yes. As the sex goes, so goes the man.

Men have to be unapologetic about their sexual choices. They are designed to get their nut and get it often so why apologize for it? Why not find someone interested in you getting your nut as well? You not being afraid to voice your preferences is another choice. Doing anything without fear of retribution or regret is breaking away from all supposed consequences for your choice.

Your job is to own it, regardless of what it is.

Don’t let fear stop you from making a choice.

Fear as the Divine Motivator

The fear of making the wrong choice drives men to “play it safe” as well as the overblown #MeToo movement that has turned all men into potential rapists. Men don’t want to exert themselves in fear. And they let this fear dominate every aspect of their lives.


Fear of being inadequate.

Fear of hurting her feelings.

Fear of being too bold.

Fear of losing her.

Fear of being alone.

Fear of dying alone.

See what abundance mentality does to this fear. It lessens and eradicates it.

It makes choosing you more feasible.

It makes it easier to choose your interests.

But men don’t think they have these choices to make. Many men allow women in their lives to make those choices for them. They’re on autopilot because risk is uncomfortable. And it’s killing them slowly.

Men have been told our passion is bad. That it’s toxic. It’s not. Holding back that passion on purpose is toxic. It’s poisoning us and our culture, all the while, cultures that embrace this passion and masculinity are thriving and growing. What does all this tell you?

It tells me that my choices have real life consequences. And that by forfeiting my ability to make those choices, I’m at the whims of others who want to decide my life for me. And that sucks.

I let the women of my life drive the bus for 2 decades and all it got me was virginity until I was 27, a divorce, and how NOT to deal with women.

So I started to realize that my choices, actively worked on making decisions that were in my best interest, were driving my life in a positive direction. My focused passionate goals, mission and purpose became the fire that my body fueled on, which made interactions with the opposite sex much more enthralling.

And what’s funny is that many men are shunned for trying to attempt to explore his own interests. My personal interests aren’t a priority for other people, so why the hell would they give a damn about my interests?

That’s the lens you need to get over. Many people are going to push you in directions they want YOU to go, not where you yourself want. Their choices are in THEIR best interest, not yours. So choose your friends wisely.

A Tie on All Angles

A good rule of thumb I’ve learned. If it’s a tie on all angles, always choose your best interest. Don’t let anyone else make that choice for you because you will regret it.

Selfish? Sure. What’s wrong with that? We see a world where people are over-accommodating and over reaching in their involvement in other people’s lives. How about just having them butt the fuck out? What’s wrong with asserting your boundaries? Nothing.

But damn will people not do it and let folks walk all over them. It’s your life, plain and simple. Men who decide their own lives are something of a martyr these days. Especially ones that want to either not get married or want to live the pleighboi life.

Listen, I don’t care what you do with your life, just do it your way. I can’t comment on anyone else’s existence and if I do, I’m just passing judgement that should in no way determine how you live your life. You only have one judge and it ain’t Judy or Whopner.

But the bottom line? It’s your choice. You have control over your life. The more you cede that control to others, the more regret you’ll have in the long run that you didn’t choose what you truly wanted.

Remember this when guys like me are telling you what to avoid in life because we’ve lived it, we know, we’ve made these choices, we’ve understood the consequences, and we are telling you to live your life unapologetically your way.

Don’t live with regret. Live with your choices, ride or die, good or bad.

You are the prize. You matter. You are important. So are your choices.