As I’ve documented on many occasions in my blog, countless Twitter feeds, and in my videos, I used to be absolutely terrible with women.

I lost my virginity at 27, I had three girlfriends in high school and college who I never kissed, and the only sexual experience I had before 27 was a bad blowjob in college.

I was so petrified of women (and people in general), I locked myself in my dorm room freshman year of college, only smoking pot with my closest friends and not even going to eat in the cafeteria.

I would clam up, become stiff, make dumb statements (oh look a pooper scooper!!), or just said some general statement that wouldn’t do anything except cause her to look at me in disbelief (or disgust at times).

As I’ve documented, I was the quintessential beta with many of the hangups men today still have. Socially I was retarded. I was awkward with all types of people, and I would not talk to women if I could avoid it.

I developed oneitis for several girls as I grew up and I tried to get them to like me by being the “nice guy”. I failed. Miserably.

Lack of approach, no confidence, social anxiety, as well as fears of about every aspect of personal communication kept me single and a virgin for a time when I should have been laying everything with a pulse.

But, alone I sat, for years, until 2003, when finally, mercifully, I started to get out more, get some hobbies, work out, and then I met my future wife on eHarmony. That was the wall I crashed into.

She loved that I was a virgin. She wanted to “teach” me how to please her. I was a weak, ball-less fuck. I did what I was supposed to do. Name, rank, serial number for 10 years. And it resulted in sex three times in three years at the end of the marriage.

After divorce, I got better with women, only because during my depression, brokeness, and utter discontent with my life, women seemed to come out of the woodwork, as they always do. So by natural progression, I got better with women because they were around more. But I still had a ways to go and had to learn more.

Over the next two years, I got into several relationships where I let the woman lead, all of them ending in a breakup. Liberal women who were desperate to control their relationships are who I fell in with. As you can guess, it didn’t go well. Sex was robotic, I didn’t take control, I kept asking permission, asking “does this feel good?”

It was an unmitigated disaster 4 times over.

Then, I found the red pill. I decided to go to the “monk” mode or MGTOW (men going their own way) phase. I studied, read, and worked on myself at the gym. I lost 70 lbs. I fought to discover who the hell I was.

This intensive period that I needed, in turn, gave me success in my life in other ways.

It really isn’t a secret, either. There’s no magic bullet, no expensive course or book, so I’ll share it with you today, free of charge.

The Breakthrough

So, how the hell did I get over my fears of dealing with women?

Here it is, the definitive guide to everything female from a man who has lived it.

These are the things I’ve learned after what I was told was complete and utter bullshit.

These are the myths that were concocted to throw men off of what women really want, how they really think, and why it’s important.

I know the secrets now. Hint: They aren’t really secrets, they’re well known, common knowledge that don’t need financing to know.

Sure, you’ll get the women who are NAWALTS (Not all women are like that) professing their mistrust in the information I present here today, but the bottom line is this:

A vast majority of women (meaning all) have the same reproductive organs, mindset, and emotional software installed by whoever you want, God, evolution, the boogeyman, or Santa Claus, it’s all still the same because in the end, NOTHING trumps biology.

Yes, it’s the same for men. We scream that it’s not about sex, but guess what, it IS about sex. It’s always about sex. ALWAYS.

Here’s some quick and dirty tips from yours truly. Many will say they aren’t true, especially women, but I know one thing with my experience. I know women. And what you’ve been told is not correct.

Here’s the list of all the cliche manosphere stuff that I learned. Why post it? Because every last part of it is true.

Here you go:

  • Get thee to the gym

The first thing I recommend guys do is get into shape. It cures so many ills in regards to life in general, and women specifically, that it is the first thing I recommend. Get to work, get your diet right, and start looking the part. It’s the crucial first step in a man retaking control of his life.

  • Boundaries

You have to establish a line that no one can cross when it comes to your personal convictions and beliefs. If you are conservative, don’t date liberals, if you are religious, don’t date an atheist. If you don’t like sushi, don’t take your date to a sushi restaurant. Hold fast on the stuff that’s important to you, and don’t compromise for any reason.

  • You have to have confidence

Building confidence in yourself is the KEY to all of this. You have to be successful in your life in some way to gain confidence. So, I’d recommend getting to the gym, getting involved in some sport, activity, or hobby and get good at it. When you develop your skills and gain confidence when you are successful, you have a blueprint from which to build more.

  • You have to do MGTOW or monk mode for a while

And with that, you have to take the time to develop these skills. You need to make time for yourself. You need to put you first, pull no punches with your time, and get better everyday. 6 months is a good period, but depending on how much you have to do, you will need all the time in the world.

And yes, you still have to show up and do the work.

  • You’ll never be done

The work will be a lifelong commitment. You have to put real work into yourself every day. You have to be mindful to making yourself better. You aren’t just done and then you talk to women. You progress doing both. And you learn from it.

  • Rejection is required

Everyone hates rejection, but men especially do because, especially with a woman, it’s a personal dismissal for something you are presenting. Of course it’s going to burn, because it IS personal. My first rejection was a woman saying she wouldn’t date a fat guy. That hurt, but I took that rejection and put it towards bettering myself. You are going to get rejected. Tear the bandage off and get it over with, then do it again.

  • She doesn’t care

Regardless of what your hangups, complaints, life issues, or insecurities are, she doesn’t care. She has no motivation to bring you into her life if you are a rebuild or a project. She’s looking for a man who’s sure of himself, put together well, and won’t apologize for living his life his way.

  • Your self interest is most important

You have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you have yourself put together, you only add value to those around you. A solid foundation is what you are, and the bigger and more sturdy the foundation, the better and bigger the building.


You can’t get around rejection and you certainly can’t get around having to pursue and approach a woman. If you find her attractive, you must tell her that and make your intentions known. And you must be prepared for any answer she gives. “Yes?” Play ball. “No?” Walk and go to another girl.

  • Boldness goes a long way.

Yes, it’s the #MeToo era, but being bold, especially with women who are in a social setting is a lost art. You must state your intentions clearly and boldly, damn the consequences. You don’t get anywhere without taking a risk, and the higher the risk, the greater the reward. But you have to put your ass on the line for her, she’ll respect you a ton more if you are honest and open in your interactions with her. YOU SET THE TONE.

  • Understand women

Women will say I don’t understand them, but I do, better than they understand themselves. Remember, women are chaos. Women are emotional creatures who don’t respond to logic as much as they respond to feelings, settings, and imagination. You have to use her imagination in conjunction with your skill. Understand what gets her going. What gets her going is a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to be bold to take it. She LOVES a man who takes control.

Remember, men lead with action. Women follow with support, love, and spirit.

  • Body language is key

Not only do you have to make sure your body language is on point (chest out, speak clearly and forcefully, smile, eye contact), but you must also watch hers. She will show you if she’s into you by coming close to you, smiling back, mirroring your actions, and really reactive to your moves. More experience with women will yield this understanding on when she likes something and when she doesn’t.

  • Avoid Online Dating

Many men will instantly go for the online route because it’s easy and doesn’t require a lot of heavy lifting. But, remember this fact, online dating, for the majority of people, is a raging dumpster fire. Damaged, hurt people on there looking to get their kicks without even working on themselves. It’s the trash bin of dating and shouldn’t be used.

  • You are the prize

We’ve seen hundreds of guys in the sphere talk about it, but it really is true. When it all boils down to it, you can’t move forward in your life until you realize that your presence sets the tone. You are the focal point of your life with special emphasis on choosing the correct person to share it with. You have an obligation to choose what you feel is best for your life. Selfish? Sure. Required? Absolutely.

  • You have to have some semblance of style

You have to put forth effort in your wardrobe. Like every other part of your life, you have to dress for success and wearing old, crappy clothes as a part of your wardrobe doesn’t help you get anywhere but where you are.

  • Looks matter

They do. You have to look your best. You have to brush your damn teeth, shower, manscape, and take care of yourself. Women will appreciate it and you’ll appreciate yourself more. The most important aspect of confidence is putting up the goods when it comes time to.

  • Social skills (game) trump all other things

You have to learn solid, lifelong social skills with men to make friends and with women to have sex/relationships. This not only ups your networking, and career success, but you become more comfortable with people and can do more things in your life. Your height, money, or disposition don’t mean anything if you can’t get out there and operate among others.

  • Thirst is not your friend

Men allow their sexual appetites to get the best of them. The little man drives the big man and it can result in disastrous, life altering issues that will affect the man for the rest of his life. When a man learns to not only control his urges, dropping porn, upping his game, using condoms regularly, he protects himself from these possibilities. He also has an amazing amount of self respect to protect himself from these issues. The world’s not going to change, so the man must operate as if he’s in complete control of everything he can control, including his thirst.

Look, men want to have sex with women. It’s in our blood. But you can protect yourself and choose where you stick your dingus. Be smart about who you sleep with, we don’t need anymore single moms.

The Secret of Women

So what are the secrets of women?

What have I learned that I didn’t know before?


  • Learn to operate on a sexual level

Men and women are sexual beings, bottom line. If you don’t ask for the business and show your intentions to her, it doesn’t matter. I always thought it was wrong to tell a woman you wanted to have sex with her.

When you ACT like a man in front of a woman, she absolutely wants that. She wants you to take her, she wants you to be forward and confident.

Women don’t like begging, sniveling, men who have to ask permission for everything. They want you to lead.

  • Women are emotional

Emotions are a woman’s realm. When you appeal to her with a vivid imagination and unreal confidence, she absolutely loves it. She needs to feel, whereas men need to use logic and solve problems. When you treat her like a man (i.e. try to solve her problems), she’ll resent you. She doesn’t want you to solve her problems, she wants you to reflect her and feel her emotions with her. Being present, more than anything else, helps her to work through any emotions that she has. And when she sees you’re a rock to her, she can trust that you will listen to her while working to understand her.

  • Women are pragmatic, men are romantic

Women, when it comes down to it, are pragmatic. If they see that things aren’t going to end well, they will jump ship to make their way to another option. If you die, they’ll move on. If you sink, they’ll swim elsewhere. They see the writing on the wall in their commitment, they will make sure to find the door. ‘Til death do us part only applies if the man is showing promise, and yes, even if he’s at rock bottom, she can tell if he’s a high quality dude.

  • Women want security and to know they’ll be protected

Men do just these things. If you fall asleep at the wheel, do be surprised if she finds another man’s car or jumps out of yours. You HAVE to provide the rock she ties herself to. You run the show, she knows that you do. If you falter in any aspect of your masculine duties, she’ll know, and her respect for you will dwindle. She’s hooked her anchor to you so you’d better be ready to perform for her and make sure she and your tribe stay safe.

  • She wants your pleasure

Men think they have to pull out all the stops to pleasure her in bed. You don’t. She gets off on your pleasure. She wants to see you orgasm and wants to please you. That’s the biggest thing standing between guys and their happiness in sex. You need to get yours and she’ll get hers too. You can’t neglect yourself in the quest to make her happy because she start to resent you.

  • Be proactive instead of reactive

Women want a man with a plan, regardless of what happens. When the shit hits, she wants to know that the issues are handled. If they aren’t and she has to be involved, it takes away from your lead. You can’t be desperate, consistently show emotions that are detrimental to her respect for you, and argue with her. She doesn’t want to argue with you to win the fight, she wants to argue with you to show her you care.

I’ve learned a ton about these subjects, but I still have more to digest. But today, nearly 21 years after my entrance into the world of dating and women, I finally have some direction and some competency with women.

The one thing that has permeated all of this new found confidence is the fact that not only do I take responsibility for my life, but I push my life in new directions because of how I interact with women. My give a damn is broken when it comes to women and if they are truly going to be in my life, they have to make the effort. Before, I thought I had to do everything to make sure that they’d like me. Being a people pleaser brings you dry panties every day.

I hope to continue to help men realize what I have in my life. They need to take control and drive their lives. It’s helpful to have these quick tips to get a man in the direction he needs to head.

One thing I’ve always said is that if I hadn’t taken action in my life, I’d imagine I’d still be in a loveless marriage, celebrating 15 years of little sex, motionless and lifeless stability, and lack of a direction. I didn’t want a life like that, I wanted a life on my terms, and many men are starting to awaken to the fact that they want that same thing too.

But in search of that, you have to be willing to be uncompromising on certain principles in your life. You have to be willing to walk.

But you must also be willing to stand a post. You are never done. You sleep when you’re dead, and many men don’t want to accept that harsh truth.

It’s time to understand these realizations and spread the word to other men lost in the world. They need to know these things, and my job is to make sure they do until my last breath.

I owe it to them and myself.


Photo caption:

Think to yourself.

Do you have a friend, family member, someone who was once close to you, someone who you even loved, that isn’t a part of your life anymore because of some issue? I’d venture to guess that we all do. I do. My family does.

Grudges are held fast these days. Whether a cheating spouse, an abusive parent or relative, or a disagreement over a political issue, people are cutting other people off from their lives. Some reasons are good, some aren’t.

Listen, cutting toxic folks out of your life is a primary motivation for a healthier life. Of course it is. But cutting someone from your life, especially a close relative, is a difficult decision that needs to be thought about.

The biggest issues I see are people just wholesale cutting people out of their lives with no explanation. Some folks don’t need one, understood, but close family members, really close family, needs to be explored more.

I have several family members, many very close, that I don’t talk to any more because of real, calculated, and communicated anger towards real issues that I was having with them. Whether it be verbal abuse, physical abuse, or trauma directly from a trusted loved one, sometimes, you can’t ever rebuild those bonds that have been broken. But one family member that I love very much has taught me something new about the concept of forgiveness.

The Two Paths

My grandmother, on my mother’s side, who passed away nearly 20 years ago, was a pretty rotten person. She worked as a waitress, slept around, and was either involved or allowed abuse of her two kids (my uncle and mom) as well as untold abuse of their cousins. Sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuses were common place in my mom’s childhood home. My grandmother basically abandoned them for her job and her men, of which there were many, and my mother had to basically stay at home and raise her older brother.

Spending nights alone with the door lock busted, not knowing who was going to come in, sexually abused by trusted family members, booze, drugs, fights, yelling. All of this went on during the entirety of her childhood. Never able to fully relax, not knowing what was coming through that front door, my mother pressed on and raised her brother as best she could, until her teenage years, and at 16 she started working to get the hell out of this nightmare.

And she did. She became a stronger woman because of what she went through, but lost her innocence and her childhood because of the severity of the abuse she and my uncle suffered.

It affected both of them for their lives. Never again could they live a normal life, but it was the responses that really told the story of how both of these kids took a very real, serious, traumatic situation, and one turned it into a lifelong grudge that he still carries, and the other (my mother) decided to let it go and through all the pain, still showed love to a woman who, at times, didn’t care if my mother lived or died.

The two paths, and there are only two, are the paths that people take in response to traumatic (and maybe not so traumatic) of holding a grudge, whether deserved or not, and letting it go, forgiving and pushing forward to unload the heavy weight they are carrying.

The first path, which many people take, is the path to the grudge. They cannot and will not forgive any person for what they believe, what they do, or what travesties they committed.

And who can blame them? Some of the worst things that happened to my mom happened millions of times to millions of other people. I can’t blame them at all for feeling this way. These grudges can’t be attacked because they all have legitimate reasons for not wanting to be around a person, especially if traumatic abuse occurred.

But, as we are seeing more and more, the grudges that people are holding today are a bit less severe. Politics, sports, a disagreement on food can totally destroy a friendship, and people are letting it happen without a second thought.

My family has some that are liberals, some that are conservatives, but the minute we start to discuss these issues, the rift shows up very quickly. People can’t respectfully disagree anymore, and it shows up in grudges. Even people who seem to support a political party or anything about them tend to automatically assume every bad thing about the person without meeting them. The bubble thickens…

Betrayal, disagreements, and hurt feelings permeate our society and we cut people off for the dumbest things. But the worst part, when we cut people off, we either make no explanation nor do we let that person go completely, instead, we hold feelings of anger, hatred, and disappointment like a bag of old cheese, secretly hoping it’s still good, but knowing damn well the smell tells us it’s not.

But “out of sight” doesn’t mean “out of mind”. It chaffs at us. It eats away. I know because it’s happened to many people that I love who decided, for one reason or another, to show the person they don’t like that they REALLY don’t like them, removing them from their lives forever, only to regret not saying what they really thought and overcoming the barriers that led to the grudge in the first place.

Letting Go

My mother, after all the years of terrible treatment, decided one day, to let go of her hate for her mother. And it took every fiber of her being. Not because of any other reason except she knew that holding onto the hate was bad to her mental health. She realized that her grudge didn’t help anything except amplify her hate.

This is the bottom line of what a grudge is all about. Do you feel like you can carry this weight until the end? Some say most certainly. Some don’t. But more often than not, the ones carrying the weight don’t see the opportunity cost of not carrying it, what they are missing by letting the hate go, or what the person whom their vitriol is pointed at would do if they reached out to mend the fences.

I can say with 100% certainty that my mother is a better person today for reaching out to her mother and mending fences. Her time with her mother, while awkward at times, was better than rendering her dead in her psyche.

She states it proudly. She didn’t have to bring her mother back into her life. She could’ve left her for dead. But she didn’t, and her mother was grateful for that. A relationship was salvaged by someone being the bigger person.

But it doesn’t always work out that way, nor should it. Some trauma is too deep, too evil, too painful to push through. But you may be surprised to see people who are affected by such trauma, despite all the reasons they shouldn’t, reach out to those who so terribly affected them.

Petty grudges, by definition, need to be nipped in the bud. But more often than not, petty grudges are signs of a deeper divide between two people, with the grudge being a suitable placeholder for skimming over these deeper issues. Either way, it’s not communicated and the cut off just happens, without explanation.

This post isn’t going to light the world on fire with tips on what you need to do to let go of a grudge. They are there for a reason, and only the people who hold them know why. But communication, letting go, and up front honesty will do more for that weight around your neck than you realize.

“Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise, it all comes down” is the main lyric from my favorite song by Tool, “The Grudge”. It becomes all you know of a person, and if you don’t have it, what do you have?

Sometimes the grudge will go away, and sometimes it won’t. But, as in life, it’s always better to face the pain of your past head on and address it than hold onto a hateful spirit that continues to haunt your soul, and that manifests itself into regret, something we all want to avoid.

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate
Desperate to control all and everything
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen

Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise, it all comes down
Justify denials and grip ’em to the lonesome end
Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise, it all comes down
Terrified of being wrong, ultimatum prison cell

Saturn ascends
Choose one or ten
Hang on or be humbled again

Clutch it like a cornerstone, otherwise, it all comes down
Justify denials and grip ’em to the lonesome end
Saturn ascends, comes round again
Saturn ascends, the one, the ten
Ignorant to the damage done

Wear the grudge like a crown of negativity
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate
Desperate to control all and everything
Unable to forgive these scarlet lettermen

Wear the grudge like a crown
Desperate to control
Unable to forgive and sinking deeper

And sinking deeper
And we’re sinking deeper

Saturn comes back around to show you everything
Let’s you choose what you will not see and then
Drags you down like a stone or lifts you up again
Spits you out like a child, light and innocent

Saturn comes back around.
Lifts you up like a child or
Drags you down like a stone
To consume you till you choose to let this go
Choose to let this go

Give away the stone
Let the oceans take and trans mutate this cold and fated anchor
Give away the stone
Let the waters kiss and trans mutate these leaden grudges into gold

Let go