In the blink of an eye, she appeared just behind me at the bar. I hadn’t seen her all night, but somehow, she had seen me. After she casually said hello, I treated her with the same lack of attention that she had done to me so many times 4 years ago.
I was talking to several regulars at the bar about the usual things, COVID, sports being back and maybe going away again, Trump, the police, and race issues. The debate was good enough that I failed to notice her looking at me most of the night, until after she came up, then I noticed more and more. She was trying to catch my eye, but I wasn’t having it.
We had met 4 years ago while I was in the death throes of my “nice guy” phase. I would see her at my local watering hole as she was a regular there.
I always wanted to get in her pants. First I tried the “be nice” approach. Talking with her, ordering her drinks, paying her tab. Didn’t work, she wasn’t having any of it.
Then the inevitable ignoring her, all while secretly hoping she’d see the dude I was and come running. Still nothing. She played the game well and was well versed in what a nice guy does. She’d seen it all before and I represented zero challenge. She was just like any other girl I lusted after while in my beta phases. Trying to figure out the combination for 2 years yielded my nothing but questions on what I was doing wrong.
But then that night at the bar….
Changing the Narrative
When a guy goes from the nice guy to the real guy, his priorities shift. But what doesn’t usually shift is the way women saw him and the way they still see him.
No matter the distance between the guy you were and the guy you really are, she’s not buying it, because she was sold on the guy you were and that made an indelible mark on her.
No matter the strides you made, no matter the weight you lost, no matter the style you have, the fairy tale of a self confirmed beta nice guy getting into the pants of the girl of his dreams after changing himself for her seldom comes to fruition.
And that’s the rub. I’ve seen men completely change themselves all for the possibility of the love of a woman they wanted in their lives, only to watch as despite all of their work, she still sees them as the man they were.
What they say about first impressions? That’s pretty dead on balls accurate.
The main motivating factor for all of this should be for you to change yourself for yourself, not for others. But guys will have plastic or bariatric surgery, spend thousands on a new wardrobe, get Lasik, or other things, not for themselves, but for the love of a woman.
Guys will literally replace their old personas in a matter of weeks or months in order to get the girl.
But what they have to understand is that this whole narrative doesn’t exist because she refused to allow it.
She saw you as a non-sexual entity. As far as being able to turn that piece around, it’s very difficult.
I see a lot of men trying to get some sort of success porn revenge on the women who turned them down by living successfully, however, they aren’t living successfully by shifting their entire persona. They are quite literally playing the game she’s dictating. They’re letting her decide what they do to try to get her in their lives.
It’s a matter of the “right lesson, wrong application” syndrome that recovering nice guys try to apply. The whole point is to either show her up or get her to accept you as a sexual being. It doesn’t work that way, because she doesn’t fucking care.
Women are going to size you up in a few moments and if you aren’t there to shine, there’s rarely a reason to keep going. Now I’ve seen romance bloom after YEARS of not seeing the person and seeing a new man come forward, but you don’t have that kind of time, and that also means she has to be out of your life, which ain’t happening if you’re pinning your hopes on this latest stunt to get her.
Grant Her Wish
After making it more than apparent that she was indeed looking at me that night, I smiled, paid my tab, and left the bar without so much as a word to her.
I know she was wanting to talk to me, but I didn’t want to talk to her.
I knew how she felt, but more importantly, I knew how I felt. I didn’t change myself to be with her. I changed myself to get rid of girls exactly like her.
And her first wish was the one she meant. She wasn’t attracted to me in that way. And no amount of polarity, tension, or PUA techniques would change it. She was probably good for a lay, but when you see a girl not be attracted to you, believe her, regardless of your improvements.
This is what guys fail to realize. They do whatever it takes to WIN the girl, but never wonder if they should. More times that not, winning the girl means losing in life, because the life you built up just for HER is not compatible with the life you wanted.
Pussy is powerful, but it shouldn’t be.
Men will change their lives in detrimental ways in pursuit of it, without even a care as to the consequences.
You, as a man, HAVE to be able to see the forest from the trees. It is absolutely imperative that men be able to take their eye and put it on the real prize, a life they actually want, versus the women of their dreams.
But here we are in 2020, having the discussions of what “gets me the girl”.
One thing that game, PUA, and the manosphere have taught me is it’s never about the girl.
The girl brings good things in your life, but only as an accessory to what you are doing.
When your world revolves around her, it ceases to be yours.
It’s now hers. And she doesn’t want the damn thing.
She never did. It’s an idea concocted in your head and your head alone.
Which is why the crashing disappointment is a vicious cycle that men can very seldom get out of. Imagine if you will, a woman of your dreams, the dream girl that you can’t live without. She comes up to talk to you, excited to see the new person you’ve become, and you walk away from it. You walk away from all of it. Why?
Because she’s not the answer to your prayers. She’s the antithesis to your expectations.
Stop thinking she’s your world. She doesn’t want to be. And do what I did. Regardless of your past feelings for her, make the right decision to avoid something that could be worse than you could possibly imagine.
A girl that wants to be a part of your life leaves no doubt.
But you still, of course, have to approach.