As a new subscriber of Dr. Taylor Burrowes’ “Ideal Relationship System” group coaching, I’m sharing some of my experiences therein with approval. You can find more information about her work here www.ideallovelife.com.
“I will quietly resist.”
- Rush – “Faithless”
Ask any random man on the street about his dreams, his goals, his wants and desires, and you’ll generally get about the same reactions.
A good career that he loves.
A piece of land with acreage.
Children and lots of them.
There are many things a man truly wishes he had in his life, and the above tends to be where he lands.
Quite simply, ask any man what he truly wants and he’ll tell you, “freedom to do whatever the hell I want.”
Isn’t that what we all want? We want the freedom and flexibility in our lives to live the lives we truly want.
But many times, men intentionally put barriers to their own happiness and freedom because they are bound by some sense of honor or duty to anyone else in their lives but themselves.
In short, they’re playing a game they didn’t create and they can’t win.
The Same Script
Many, many of the men I’ve spoken with, am in organizations with, or grew up with have all told me, generally, the same hopes and dreams that they all have. The freedom to do whatever the hell they want.
I’m sure most men, when they are in their 20’s, don’t have a damn clue as to what they want to do with their lives, so, and I speak from personal experience, we are TOLD what to do, and we do it. They give you a solid blueprint when you are getting out of high school, college, or the military on how to live your life. Job, car, house, kids, wife. Retire after working 40 years or more. Have debt, buy toys to make others envious.
It’s all bullshit, of course, but it’s still pushed by men before you, because it was pushed by men before them.
It’s an assembly line of thought, mass produced by a society that sees men as expendable cogs in a gigantic machine. Men must provide value or die. No where does it forgive men for pursuits of their own dreams, it actually punishes men for failing to work for the greater good. Sacrifice isn’t coveted, it’s required.
The world doesn’t care about you, and never did. That was the harsh lesson I learned as I was struggling to determine my own path in life. I was told the same damn things, and did the same damn things. But what I didn’t understand, and now do, was that this life is MINE. I get to have the choice of what I do.
As I slaved away in my 20’s at my father’s business, many times pulling 80 hour work weeks, weekends, and holidays, I didn’t understand the world. I just kept my head down and worried about the daily grind, the myopic existence that many a man endures today.
The advice and blueprint handed down is a worn out piece of paper, with many a man obeying it without question for generations, without even looking for what he truly wants to be in a man, what he truly wants for himself, what world he wishes to forge. The world he enters is already forged for him, and all he has to do is make the donuts for the hungry.
Marcus Aurelius, the stoic for whom I base my worldviews on, had good points, but he also had some things he fell short on. I don’t believe a man is just his job, nor should he be. Does he exist to serve others only if he gains benefit from it? He exists to serve himself and helping others should be a valuable by-product of this service.
As I say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Live Your Dream
A man’s role should always be that of building his world. He should have the drive to do whatever he wants and be successful at it.
You cannot truly be happy slaving under someone else’s expectations for your life.
That’s what men lack in this day and age, the BALLS to make their own decisions and risk it all for a dream that they have. Risk averse men have taken over, run by overlords who have no object but to use them for their own devices then toss them aside.
You must take control of your own life.
Are you in a job you hate? Quit.
Are you in a marriage that sucks you dry (in the bad way)? Make plans to eject.
Is your mindset that of complaining when that other guy gets what he wants, that girl goes with another dude, or you miss a chance that you didn’t take? Change it.
Men won’t change their lives because they are ignorant of the fact that they can.
When you live under a rock, all you know is the top of the rock, the soil underneath, and the darkness that engulfs your world. It’s only when the rock is moved or you decide to lift it up that you see the true environment you are living in.
I want all men, all men, to take stock of their lives at the moment.
Are you truly living the life you want?
Are you scared to take risks to attain this life?
Are you being held back by those who don’t want you to have your own life?
This is where men must be the most selfish. They must not delay in taking their lives back.
I recently did a vision board of all the things that I wanted in life. My vision board was similar to other men, and showed that I was indeed working towards the life I wanted.
Put it all down on paper. Find pictures to help you. Get it in a place where you see it everyday so that you know your work is putting you in a place YOU want to be, not someone else.
Are you living the life you want? If you aren’t, change it now.
Immediate action is required for you to get the life you want, the things you want, the freedom you want.
Many a man has taken a chance by leaving what he was supposed to do for what he wanted to do. Don’t be the man that regrets his life.
No one, not one man, looked forward to having regrets on his deathbed. This isn’t how it supposed to be. This is not the way.
I would recommend, right now, a vision board for all men to fill out.
What hobbies do you want to do? What things in life did you enjoy before you were forced to give them up? What activities gave you joy, pleasure, and a sense of accomplishment?
Put them down on paper. Then staple that paper to every place in your life.
Look at what you are doing for what you want, and make sure it’s getting you to this paper.
Do it now. Because if you don’t, you never will.