He wasn’t me.
He was the man I thought everyone wanted me to be.
He was weak. He was a people pleaser. He didn’t stand up for himself. He danced when confronted.
He was me. Past me.
This was a man who failed to take responsibility for his life. A man, guided and controlled by people who he thought knew what was best for him. A man who decided to let go of the wheel of his life because that’s what he thought he was supposed to do.
A man who took orders without question, lived his life by the book, and didn’t take risks for fear of losing what comfort he could muster. A man who played prevent defense his whole life.
He wasn’t me.
The man who went sexless in his life until 27. The man who bitched and complained about how his life wasn’t what it was supposed to be. The man who waited for good things to happen, and when they didn’t, went into depressed mode.
The man who was passive aggressive to all of the people who were trying to run his life, instead of telling them “no” and taking a stand.
A man plugged into a world that hated him and controlled him, telling him what to do, when to do it, and how he was broken and needed to be fixed because he wasn’t doing what he was told to do.
A man who chose to avoid confrontation, no matter how benign, who would destroy everything else just to avoid the uncomfortable discussions, who would avoid all interaction, hoping instead to hide from life, with chest lowered, back slinking, and loyalties questioned.
He wasn’t me.
But what he has taught me is immeasurable.
Learn From the Beta
We hear “kill the beta” from the manosphere all the time. The problem with killing him is that he has lessons that he can teach you. Because men are committing suicide at alarming rates, we must quickly kill the beta. But many aren’t learning from the beta they just destroyed, and they tend to fall right back into the old ways, or worse, develop a new persona hell bent on self destruction, hate and inceldom, rather than understanding the old person they were and using the lessons in him.
That was the difference I saw in myself. The dipshit I was taught me lesson after lesson, and still resides inside of me in the form of warnings on how not to be. He hasn’t died, he’s been relegated to purgatory for the rest of my life, only coming out to remind me of what I used to be. I haven’t killed him, nor will I, as the numerous examples daily that he teaches me are utilized in tandem with the new, better man I’ve become.
In short, he’s a signpost tattooed in my soul that tells me what I did wasn’t correct and his constant reminders show me that what I am currently doing is the right thing.
You kill the beta before you learn from him? You fall into the same traps or worse, go to the other extreme and fall down again, this time the other way.
Men kill the beta and then go the other way, blaming women and society again for their lack of success. It’s why MGTOW and incels are past betas. They refused to learn the lessons that their weak blue pilled successor taught them, only going to the other extreme in the world, cutting off society and women as too sick to save and not giving himself a fighting chance in the world.
You don’t get better in this world by cutting off certain parts of it that you deem unacceptable or evil.
You get better by accepting who you were, making peace with that person, and moving forward with the knowledge his failed endeavors provides.
You can hate him, but you can’t change him. Your past self is a part of you, whether you like it or not, and exorcising him out of your life by killing him does nothing if you don’t understand the failures he participated in.
In a historical context, many rulers made examples of past rulers by killing them and moving on. But what they didn’t do, and what many past rulers found out the hard way, is that by killing them, they didn’t learn a damn thing about what those rulers did wrong. So, as these new rulers blundered into a similar fate as their predecessor, they lemminged their way off a cliff of the same mistakes.
Murdering your beta has benefits, but they don’t serve the greater purpose of forming a new, better man, well aware of the pitfalls of his past self. I refer to my beta often to remind myself of what I was, where I was, versus where I currently am.
Be On Guard Always
One of the hardest things for men to understand, especially unplugged men, are the dangers of going back down the road of the beta. Suicide is a very real danger from the beta, which is why the manosphere tells you to kill this bastard before he turns the gun on you. Killing him, however, destroys a part of you that is necessary to learn from. You shouldn’t kill him as much as use him and your memories of his deeds to remain vigilant to the dangers of going back to being plugged in.
Killing the beta, and by extension forgetting the mistakes you made, makes you susceptible to the same mistakes again, or even worse, becoming radicalized by inceldom. The beta reminds us that when we were him, we blamed everyone else for our lack of action. We believed the bullshit that was being peddled to us.
And we must, we MUST, remember all of this. I am constantly looking back at the stuff I bought as truth when I was plugged in. I shake my head each time because I am reminded by the past that I must still remain vigilant to myself and my purpose to not let this fucker back at the wheel. He’s not dead, merely in a state of suspended animation, with his past deeds replaying in my mind as I have new and better interactions with people with bookmarks on my brain reminding me what not to do.
This past man has allowed me to learn more during interactions, relationships, dating, and dealing with people in general and has pushed me past what I was into new areas where I see my life improving daily.
I stopped taking shit from people. He teaches me how I was. And I’m not that guy anymore.
And every day, every hour, every minute, every second, I think about that guy, and he appears to me in every thing I do, telling me what lessons he can on what not to do.
And by simply doing the opposite of what he did, I’ve seen my life explode in success and confidence.
He’s not going to die by my hand, nor will I die by his.
We’ve made peace with each other. I’ve made peace with my past.
Now onto an amazing future.