“We tell stories about ourselves because we think the truth isn’t impressive enough.”
I admit it. I made shit up. I lied, cheated and stole. A lot. Especially when my life wasn’t much to speak of.
I failed to be congruent with who I really was. And it sucked when I finally started to think about how to circle the square in my life.
I thought my life wasn’t exciting enough. “How can I get clicks? Hits? Attention?”
So I made some shit up. As an semi-anonymous Twitter dude in the fall of 2018, I needed the dopamine. I needed to rush. So I put shit out there.
As I matured, I slowly realized that my reality, my true reality, wasn’t as lame or bad as I made it out to be. So I started sharing more of my world. I went with my real name. I shared painful stories of my past that I thought would help men struggling with their own demons.
And, you know what?
All the sudden, my real, true life was something to be proud of. All of my accomplishments and failures became bricks to build on. It was real for me, because it was me.
So often, we on social media, are trying very hard to pretend to be something we aren’t. And it gets people to love the person we’re not. And eventually, they find out and are disappointed because we aren’t that person.
How are you going to truly affect any change, help any person, if you consistently are not yourself?
Social media hits different. People are afraid to share their world for fear of scorn, mocking, or reprisals.
But you can’t be afraid of it. You have to be who the hell you are because that’s all you’ve got.
You have to truly build honestly, being who you are, no apologies.
And that’s where I’ve been working for a while now. At some point in early 2019, I decided to give up the moniker of my fantasy and try to share REAL events that occurred in my life. And these events and the people that responded by my sharing of them became more and more touching that I could’ve ever imagined. All because I decided to drop part of my charade and be real, be able to connect with people and have people connect with me.
So many have asked me to share my stories. And they’re all here, in my blog. It’s the one place that I can go to truly be me. I don’t have followers who I have to try to impress, or analytics I have to hit. No, this blog is my journal, a journey into my mind and my world. And it, to this day, is where I can share my truths, my pain, and my triumphs.
Many men have asked me to give them the whole story, in one post, detailing how I got to be Uncharted Father.
So here it is, the story of me. Abridged, but this will still be my longest blog post ever.
I was born in Indianapolis, IN on, yes, April 20th, 1976.
I have three older half siblings, two brothers, and a sister, and a younger full sister.
I have two daughters, 14 and 12.
My parents are awesome, my father has run three successful businesses that he either started or helped start. He was a strict disciplinarian, but a loving father who cared for his family and taught me amazing life lessons.
My mother worked for a large pharmaceutical company for 30 years. She’s the epitome of a loving, caring mom. She’s always been there for me, whether up or down, even if she disagreed with my actions and motives.
I had a very loving household growing up
We moved around a lot when I was a kid because my father was in trucking, and like other industries, it’s uncertainty was seeing him constantly trying to find a good company to work for, until he decided to start his own part of a company.
We settled in Indianapolis and from third grade on, we had some stability. We did what normal families do. We took amazing vacations with just a van and a cooler full of bologna and cheese and Pepsi. We were very close knit.
Aside from the vacations, one of my favorite past times when I was a kid was either riding my bike or playing basketball. I would also go to small creeks and pull out crawdads or turtles or just play in the damn mud.
I loved to play outside, and myself and the neighborhood kids would hang out, play sports and video games, but I really only had two close friends until late middle school or high school.
I did stupid things as a kid. I was a latch key kid in 3rd grade, with both of my parents working, so I would goof off at the house with no supervision, until one day I lost my key and used my kid butt to bust down our front door. Not wanting to get in trouble, I lied when my parents called the cops to report a breaking and entering mystery. (Yes, Mom and Dad, I admit it, I lied to get out of trouble.)
As I grew up, I took to music, and started to play the trombone. I learned Spanish, but never immersed myself in a foreign country so I’m not quite the expert I used to be.
I was bullied a lot, starting in middle school. I’d get into fights with kids at school who called me fat and a nerd, and why not? I was 5’7″, 250lbs and wore glasses. I enjoyed all the nerdy stuff, like video games, board games, and band.
My mother was especially strict when it came to grades, and my father was brought up by his parents to not be very supportive or give positive feedback, so I was always trying to get approval and wouldn’t get it very often, (i.e. “You got an A-? Why not an A?”).
But I managed. I had two friends and they had no friends, until I reached high school and got into marching band. I started to lose the fat and get taller, topping out at 6’4″. The bullying stopped after that growth spurt. And I poured myself into band, playing in 6 bands and becoming one of the best trombone players in Indiana.
At this point, I was utterly backwards socially, even as I got out of my shell a bit in high school. I didn’t kiss my first girl until my senior year. I went to dances and socials but it was with a group of friends. I went grunge and was considered part of the nerds or outcasters, and it didn’t bother me one bit. I used to write funny stories and show them to my friends about hot girls in high school we’d love to date, or what teacher was a fucking douche, etc.
I worked my first job as a busser and dishwasher at a regional family restaurant who’s primary sell was unlimited popcorn (The Ground Round), and really got the job because my older sister worked there as a bartender and my older brother was a cook. But it was a great learning experience. I tried out grocery bagging for a bit at the local Mr. D’s, and even showed up for my interview in my full suit, but still didn’t get the job even after the working interviews.
As I transitioned to college, I became a pothead. My grades didn’t suffer, but I needed the weed because of my hideous social anxiety.
For the first semester of my freshman year at Indiana University Bloomington, I didn’t eat in the cafeteria. I stayed in my room and ate Hormel Chili microwave cups. My roommate, an asshole from Long Island, met friends and they made fun of me for being so backward and anti-social.
Eventually he moved out, and my new roommate, a really cool player from Fort Wayne, moved in. He would have no qualms about bringing girls back to our room and fucking them while I was sleeping on the top bunk. “No shame in my game” was his motto, as he banged every girl from 3-8 on the hot scale. I was jealous, because my crippling anxiety precluded me from having this success, and would for the better part of the next 7 years.
But, eventually, I got over my anxiety with people in general and got some friends. But I dated very little in college. I got my first blowjob from a girl I was dating my junior year, but that was the best I was going to do.
I worked two jobs my junior year at Eli Lilly and Ground Round to save up for room and board costs in college. It was a good experience.
I graduated from IU with a BS in Business Management and a minor in Spanish.
I had scant choices in terms of employment, with the idea of having to relocate to BFE or some blue city living with 6 other peoin a one bedroom studio. My father approached me and offered me a position at his company for more than the others were offering, so I took it. Little did I know, my foray into trucking and logistics would be one that would last 23 years and counting. So, January 1998, I started for my father and worked on the dock for a year, then went into the office and did so poorly, I got kicked back out for another six months.
I trained as a dispatcher and worked in the office for 10 years, often moving loads in the morning, going out to the dock in the afternoon to load the trucks, then billing in the evening.
14-16 hour days were the norm, and once again, I wasn’t meeting any women and I was still awkward, lightly dating and going on forgettable first dates that a relative or family member set me up with.
I was getting chunky, eating like shit every day, and at 6’4″, I was topping out the scales between 290 and 310 most of the time.
Still, I hung out with my friends and played video games or board games. It was the life I was living.
My goals had always been spoon fed to me, with my father particularly telling me the boxes to check: car, house, wife, kids, job.
I had three on lock down. I got my first house not a year and a half after I started my job. It was a proud moment for me, because I had something to show for my work. With a new leased truck and my house, I thought I was going places. But my anxiety and terrible ways with women would preclude me from the other two “goals” I was supposed to achieve.
So, I started online dating. Between a friend’s wedding where the woman I was dating became hysterical because I wasn’t into her and women not being what they said they were online, it was a terrible situation.
And to be honest, I wasn’t putting out a very good product. 300lbs, glasses, cargo shorts, frumpy, not confident.
I was the epitome of a blue pilled beta male, including the soy face.
So after the dumpster fire of my preliminary dating life, I joined eHarmony, with the promise of finding my soul mate.
And I thought I did, when I met my future wife. Oh, by the way, she was going to be my future ex-wife as well.
She was fine. We fell in love. And yes, she took my virginity at 27. She moved in with me after 6 months, and after a year engagement, we were married in October of 2005.
We had two children. Life was going well, with everyone telling us that married life would become boring and bland. And it certainly did. We both became slaves to the relationship, making sure that everything was fine on the outside while it started to chip away on the inside.
We both played our roles, and as the sex diminished to a trickle and then to nothing, I did nothing but blamed her.
Instead of looking at myself, I lashed out. Part of it was certainly her fault, but I was doing nothing to help the situation.
Work was a bitch, I just wanted to come home and rest, but my wife would passive aggressively shit test me by protesting when I went out to entertain clients, saying that I didn’t want to spend time with her and the kids. And she was half right. I didn’t want to go home. It was miserable there. She and I didn’t have many friends, and what ones I did have, I joked that I had to have documentation turned into my wife in order to hang out with my friends. It was just me being a passive aggressive bitch back to her.
We tried to fill our lives with “things” to make us happy. We bought a giant 4300 square foot house with a pool and 4 car garage. It only served to make the fire more out of control.
We both grasped for answers. There were none. The problem was we were both people who weren’t who we said we were.
So I became more distant. I dove into porn. Yes, the story where I asked my wife if I could pay for porn is true. She allowed me to do it and with it, our relationship really started to go downhill.
The last two years of my marriage, I had sex twice. Yes. It was crippling. And I started to have anger issues at work, lashing out at people. So I went to therapy. It took me three years of weekly therapy to really find out that my relationships with women were suffering because I was a boundary-less people pleaser who couldn’t deal with conflict.
In essence, I had three women in my life telling me what to do. My mother, my younger sister, and of course my wife.
And when they were aligned, I was a good little boy. But when they weren’t, I was conflicted. I was so afraid of letting any of them down, I would lash out when their orders conflicted even a little bit. And they were conflicting more.
It wasn’t their fault as much as it was mine. These women were doing this because I was allowing it. My boundaries were shit.
Not to mention the lack of sex and emotional intimacy. With the lack of sex I reached out to other women, eventually cheating on my ex while speeding into separation and divorce.
The contemplation was hitting a fevered pace as my therapist and I discovered that the real source of my misery and anxiety was my crumbling marriage, and more so, my inability to find out the person I was.
So, in February of 2015, I woke up in the middle of the night to tell my wife I wanted a divorce. She was shocked, but only because she really hadn’t seen the writing on the wall for so long. We were playing parts, not really married. We portrayed people who were supposed to be happy, and we hadn’t been for a long time.
She wanted to do counseling. But it was way past that for me. We tried a few sessions, but it was futile. I had made up my mind.
This was the first time in my life I had made a decision for myself and my best interest, sans the control of women I was seeking approval from.
So I filed.
My Divorce and The Red Pill
My divorce, surprisingly, went very well. We hired a mediator to help us parse through the assets.
We tried living on separate ends of the house while separated in 2015, but the in-fighting and stress on our kids told me otherwise. I helped my estranged wife move out of the house and into a place of her own and I helped her furnish it.
Even though we were divorcing, she was still my kids mother. And they were watching me. I could’ve fought with her or bit the bullet and spend the money to help her transition.
I ended up keeping the giant house. She took most of the furniture.
So, between September 2015 and May 2016, I was in a very dark place. My divorce wouldn’t be finalized until April of 2016, and so I took to drinking and reckless dating in order to fill the void.
I dated some really fucked up women.
Yes, I dated a dominatrix who tried submission on me. I didn’t much care for it and she was toxic as hell.
I started online dating to fill the void, also hit on women during football tailgates.
The parade of damaged broads that I slept with during that time was rough. Most of them were slump busters that I thought were the only ones I could get. And to be honest, once again, the product I was putting out was terrible. Drunk, fat, and a bit lost and depressed. But I knew that I had put myself there, because I knew that all of this struggle was better than being in a loveless, sexless marriage. So I trudged on.
I was suicidal, especially in early 2016.
I was trying to get my house ready to sell because I could not afford to stay in it.
I was working a ton, broke so I had to take my kids to my mother’s for dinners a lot.
My mother and sister were upset with me because I had chosen to divorce, and they thought it meant terrible things for my kids.
I had two people I really leaned on during this time, my older sister and my best friend.
I had to pack up my house alone, but they came to help me take up carpet and get things moved around.
My mother and sister eventually came around when they realized why I did what I did, but it took time.
They still loved me very much and I loved them too, they just didn’t know how to feel.
I lost a couple of college friends in 2015, one to suicide, the other to heart attack.
I lost my dog to diabetes in February in 2016. I was downing an equivalent of a 12 pack of beer a night.
I was shelling out thousands to update my house, going almost $75,000 into debt over it as well as trying to put a down payment on my future house and hold up my end of the divorce settlement.
So yea, it was rock bottom, and I contemplated suicide on more than one occasion. Meanwhile, women came and went, literally and figuratively. One night I’d be having sex in my pool while drunk, and the next I couldn’t remember who I’d slept with and who I hadn’t.
My life wasn’t very good at that point. So, in an attempt to try an wrest control and keep it from spiraling out of control, I decided to change course a bit. I started doing Spartan races. I trifectaed in 2016 with a Sprint, Super and a Beast. And in May, 2016, after several tough months, I finally got into my new forever house that was mine. The divorce was finalized and I had my debt to get out of the way. So slowly but surely, I started to try to dig out.
I had a few relationships that ended after 3 months or so with different women (See blog post, The Three Month Itch).
I red pilled in 2018, when I started this blog and called it “The Red Pill Dad”. I got on to Twitter with the same name and became an account spouting mantras and red pill ideology because I had been unplugged. I started to dabble in pickup, and read game books from Alan Roger Currie, Mystery, and Rollo as well as So Suave and Pook. I did reports and started doing business networking as an owner of a company and terminal manager at my work to meet women. I hit on girls whenever I could and managed to knock down some notches of some better looking girls.
I was getting better, but then, I made a very big decision at the end of 2018.
I decided I was done being fat.
Choices: 2019 – 2020
My first choice was to lose weight. I hired Alli Covington and got to work. I had already scaled back about 30 lbs on my own, but with fasting it melted away quickly. Before I knew it, in August 2019, I was down to 228 lbs, after starting at 308 in mid 2018. Alli has been instrumental in getting me in shape, I would not be where I was if not for her unwavering support.
My second choice was to travel and meet hot women. Which I was doing in 2019, whether it be driving or flying, I would meet up on social media, then I would be on a plane or car to a destination scoping for tail, and eventually hoping that the said woman would leave her life and come back with me to Indiana.
But I was neglecting my kids. And they were struggling. My youngest was diagnosed with epilepsy in 2018 and my oldest had the same crippling anxiety that had plagued me through my whole life. And I was jet setting off on trips to get pussy.
My priorities were out of fucking whack.
I had changed the Red Pill Dad to my second pseudonym of Tim Beckett, and after some soul searching in 2019, I decided to change course and really focus on my adventures, my fitness, my fatherhood, and my life. But it wasn’t as exciting if I wasn’t flying and driving around getting laid, because I thought it had to be fun. So as 2019 ended, I was dating a ton. Not because I wanted to, but because I thought I had to sell this father by day, playboy by night image to my followers. Fatherhood was clearly taking a back seat, and it was taxing me to the breaking point. Worst of all, it was costing me dearly with my kids.
As another failed trip in 2020 with a woman I really liked (see post: The Grey), and a life altering trip with FoE, Covid hit.
With being grounded as a sign from a higher power (I am not religious but damn), I decided to go monk mode for a bit and really focus on becoming a better father for my kids. And that involved really focusing on what I was doing in my own life that was weighing me down.
I stopped drinking alcohol in September of 2019, seeing what that had done to affect me, my health, and my goals. I focused more on being present with my kids, securing a stronger homestead, making my job a priority as I hadn’t with all the vacation and travel I had done.
I pushed myself to get out of debt, which I did in mid 2020. I started to really work on my house, after 4 years of neglect, to make it a home for my kids to feel safe and comfortable in. I was insistent on hitting on women who were far away from me, hoping that they would be able to move to me if we hit if off. I met up with Dr Taylor Burrowes, who has been instrumental in helping to make me the man I am today with the help of her and her Ideal system.
I also leaned into Fraternity of Excellence, of which I’ve been a member since 2019. It was invaluable in pulling my head out of my ass and getting me some accountability for my actions.
2021 and the Future
What I lacked in 2019 – 2020 was consistency. I had networks that were available to me that I failed to utilize. I thought I had to do it all on my own in order to get to the place I wanted to be. But what I needed was a tribe of people, especially men, that could help me to hone my skills and level up in life. Sure, I could get much done by myself, but to really level up, I needed to ask for help.
And in 2020 and 2021 I did.
As a result of leaning in and taking responsibility for myself, I have started to have success.
After a struggle with Covid restrictions last year, my business is back to it’s pre-Covid surge.
I got Covid this year, but instead of feeling sorry for myself, I pushed through and it was a light illness. My kids and I have grown closer, and I’m working with Anthony Migliorino on being a better, more peaceful, father. It is paying dividends.
I am now working with Phil Foster to level up my workout game. My goal? Six pack abs, look good naked, and be able to out run my kids, my kids’ kids, and my kids’ kids’ kids.
I’m now 2 years sober. I won’t be getting drunk again in my life.
I’ve taken the role of the patriarch in my family. And after years of letting the women in my life dictate how I run my life, I stood up and said, “No more.” I call the shots on my life.
My ex and I get along great. She’s an incredible mom and person. She’s getting married to a great guy and I couldn’t be happier for her. For all that we went through, she is still the mother of my children and we will continue to work together to raise amazing kids.
I’ve had two very tough breakups this year. But the reason for the breakups was because I wasn’t being true to myself.
I have said many times that long distance relationships are not good, especially for me. My plane hopping to distant locations to try and find a relationship has led to broken hearts way too many times. And I was acting with reckless resolve over trying to create a relationship instead of letting one grow. And believing in circumstances that weren’t happening in reality with these women.
Both women are amazing people. And I know they will both find love. They both meant a lot to me.
If I want a woman in my life, she will have to be in my area, or be willing to live in my area. I can’t ask any woman who has her own life in another state to move here. It’s not fair to her.
I am established in Indiana. This is my life, it’s here. My kids are here. And for the foreseeable future, that is where I will be.
My future is something I’m contemplating.
A big question for me is if I want kids still. I would love to have a son, but I also want to travel. I have to think on it more. I love being a Dad, more than anything in the world.
I will continue to write, and get my book done someday soon.
The blog isn’t going anywhere. And neither am I.
My life has been an amazing ride, and at 45 years old, I’m not stopping anytime soon. And I’ve stopped pretending, because the real me is an incredible man who is going to continue to take on challenges in my life.
And through my writing and taking on these challenges, I sincerely hope that I can help other men to navigate the pitfalls in their lives by showing them what I went through.
My logo, a lighthouse, has been the inspiration for me to continue to share my struggles and triumphs, my wins and losses, my growth and regression, and my reasoning or lack of for the choices I made. And one thing stands out, I own my choices even if they aren’t popular.
And that is what men have to do. Life is uncharted. Just like in the old video games like Civilization, you have to explore to win the game, by finding new lands and risking yourself to try and get better.
The future is uncertain. But I will continue to forge myself into a better man, learn from the lessons when I stumble or falter, and continue to face the world with my chest out and my chin up.
Your love and support have been amazing and I can’t thank you all enough for letting me come into your world with my writing.
I will continue to provide my unique perspective with other things coming down the pipeline in 2022 and 2023.
I am The Uncharted Father.