The Lost Art of the Dance

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“That is the way it is, we always fall in love because of a detail, a nuance. It is a marker we set up for ourselves in the midst of the confusion, in the infinite space of love. The greatest passions come from such little causes.”

― Georges Rodenbach, The Bells of Bruges

Wanna see how far we’ve fallen in the dating world? Simply look at online dating. It’s turned into a meat market with hookups as the end game for most people.

Here we see, many hopeless individuals, moving from encounter to encounter, thinking the next one will be the one they will finally be with.
Like an episode of Quantum Leap, they keep jumping from person to person, life to life, in hopes they’ll finally be able to say they can “settle down” and stop the merry-go-round.

The dinners, movies, activities that involve a quick interrogation, then potential sex if everyone is game, then ghosting after the sex wasn’t that good, the conversation dried up, the meaning, the skies parting, the light beaming down, all of it doesn’t happen.

And the trudging to the next good thing happens. And most of the time, it doesn’t happen.

Like a horrible game of musical chairs where the seats are covered in rusty nails, they force themselves to sit down because it’s better than not having a chair.

Technology has eliminated the whole point of dating, the dance. The push and pull, the subtlety, the slow burn that makes the sex, the climax, the anticipation of being with someone who’s weaved themselves into your mind.

The world is now about notches, being hot, and having as much sex as you can with no end in sight. And after 20 years of this, women and men, are still no closer to finding the person they want, because they pissed their chances away with a clear lack of dating direction.

“Dating is Hell”

Show me a person who hates to date, and I’ll show you someone who has never been on a REAL date. The nuance, the mystery, the dance has been removed for convenience’s sake, and the dating market has struggled with this very recently. With hook up apps, the dance of dating, the lost art of carrying a conversation, the subtlety of words and meanings meant to do a slow burn and build sexual tension has been replaced with swipe left or right, quick bios, and hit it and quit it.

Pick Up Artistry, which for years was a skill that few possessed but was honed and sharpened by constantly going up to people in public and talking to them, body language mastery, etc, has been replaced by the crapshoot shit show of technological convenience.

In short, everyone has stopped trying. Their physical appearance, their mental approach, their attitudes reflect people that don’t seem to care about meeting others. They put as little effort into themselves as they can, then write a glowing bio on a dating site and use filters to make themselves appear less unattractive, hoping that the person that swipes right for them is also just as uncaring about their own life, and they just fall in together in a depression laden relationship where they both get tired and one or both eventually cheat.

Depressing as fuck, isn’t it?

Because the end game is the relationship.

In the case of dating and interpersonal communications, it was never about the end game, the destination. The relationship was a goal, but you never stopped gaming your significant other. Now, people go through the hell of dating in order to get to the greater hell of a relationship with someone they have no business being with.

So with the glowing reviews of dating as being an introvert’s worst nightmare, and everyone claiming to be introverted, then FINALLY getting through it to be with SOMEONE, ANYONE, they have given up on something in life that should really be fulfilling, fun, and worthwhile.

No one wants to do the work it takes to be a good date anymore. No one wants to put in the time to focus on themselves, on being attractive, on being high quality, because they’d rather piss and moan and swipe, swipe, swipe. Because in the dating lottery, no one gets lucky, they just get frustrated, and they can’t see that they’re doing to themselves.

But also, the act, the dance, has been lost in all of this. COVID didn’t kill personal interactions, it only exposed what we’ve already known. No one wants to do the work, engage in the dating world, and have fun meeting new people.

If they treat it like a chore, then it is one.

Lost Arts

Conversation, words, nuance, body language, building intimacy, polarity, and tension in your interactions.

There’s a reason a woman touches her lip when she talks to you, sees you, and fantasizes about you. Because you have “primed the pump” so to speak with a mystery, an aloofness that only she can see.

The roles aren’t there, the masculine dances and leads the feminine, but now, everyone wants to get fucked.

It’s a mindless, soulless diversion that while can be fun, is generally not as fulfilling as dating and building that tension in a social setting.

The lost arts of interaction have taken their tolls on the dating world, only to be lost to the world, and seeing only the manosphere take up the banner on bringing it back. We need to continue to champion game, because it’s an important aspect in the dance of attraction.

But the dance scares men. Because it involves them being able to confidently interact with a woman. You must enchant her, you must be a mystery, you must build that tension, and men don’t know shit about how to do that. So they swipe, swipe, swipe.

This is why I will always be a proponent of game. The rise of petrified fear of rejection, lack of confidence, technological ease, and reduction of the societal importance of social gatherings continues to hound the dating world and we’re seeing the effects first hand.
You build the attraction. You have to master key interactions with women.

Body language mastery.

All of this is the dance.

The keys to seducing and building tension. Women love it, they just don’t say it out loud. They appreciate a man who works to keep her engaged, playfully using words, implying sexual nuance in daily conversations, and putting small, seductive thoughts in her head.

What men don’t realize is that you can utilize modern dating tech to enhance this ability, but we seldom do that.

Dating technology makes us lazy.

This is why the concepts that the manosphere teaches will never go out of style, regardless of how much technology tries to cancel it out.

The art of the dance, the tension built, the ebb and flow of flirtation, the push, and pull of the interaction, the game, will never go away.

Social interaction will always be an important skill that men need to continue to work on mastering. Your job is to build it and she will cum.

You lead the dance.

Women want to be taken, claimed. They want passion.

Women want to be seduced.

They want a man to make them dream of him and what he’s capable of.

They want a man to use her emotions to make her excited.

She wants exciting.

She wants you to assert your masculinity over her. Engulf her in it. Because she knows your strength. She knows your motives and lets herself go. She wants to fall for you and she wants you to catch her.

She wants to dance.

So learn to dance with her.

Sleep in the Fire

Photo Credit: Fireblast.com

It doesn’t get easier, you just get stronger.

If there’s one thing I would teach men, teach them early and often, teach them with endless examples, teach them with all my grey hairs, all the creaks of my body, all the sleep in my eyes waking up early to stand a post, all of it, it’s that it never ends.

Men were specifically built for the heavy lift of life. They were specifically built to be the line to guard and protect all he loves with his strength and never-ending vigilance against those that mean to take it.

You don’t sleep. You rest.

You don’t ever let your guard down, because if you do, everything that you’ve built can be blasted away.

You are the order in the chaos.

And this terrifies the fuck out of men these days.

When I tell you it’s going to all fall down, no one wants to play “Ring around the Rosie.”

Because the measure of a man is his ability to provide for himself and those he loves. And if he’s not doing that, then he’s not a man. We’re told this every day.

See the countless numbers on male suicides (7/10 suicides in the US are men) and the absolute state of masculinity as a service to the world.

Men are the livestock of the world, providing and not getting back. This is the true issue, but it’s not going to be solved anytime soon.

The bottom line that will never change is that men are success objects. And many of us, through feminization, have been told we can put down the burdens and let the women do it. But the women aren’t equipped to do it, they’re different. They can do it just fine, but that’s not their role.

Men are constantly expected to perform. And this is not a bad thing as we are built for exactly that, but somewhere, someone sold us the fact that we didn’t have to. We didn’t have to carry the burdens and we could fuck off in life and not hold the line. And that was the day it all changed.

“Sleep When You’re Dead.”

Men have to understand that the world is thankless, and the work we do is even more thankless.

You aren’t going to get a pat on the butt for a good job done every day. No one cares. You still have to get up and make the donuts. You still have to do what you do.

Which is what I do every day.

Since starting my own business 10 years ago, it’s become less about me and more about those that rely on me to provide them a livelihood. Now, 15 people rely on me to be upright and focused daily to make sure they have jobs.

Which means? I don’t sleep.

I just rest.

I can tell you for 22 years, and especially these last 10, the trucking industry and owning my own business doesn’t allow me much sleep. Sleeping sound isn’t happening, as I’m always concerned about what’s happening, challenges my business faces, and how I’m going to maintain keeping 15 people employed on a daily basis.

But keep in mind, if I’m not there, it doesn’t all go to shit. There are tons of qualified people that I employ that run the day to day very well, and my fellow owners are some of the best people to be in business with. But the peace of mind that comes to my employees and my fellow owners knowing that I’m always THERE, even if I’m not, and my mind is always THERE, is some of the most powerful support I can give them. They know that I won’t drop the ball, and if I do, it’s picked up quickly.

Even when they don’t need me, knowing that I’m here watching everything is a comforting blanket for all of my employees and they know that they don’t necessarily NEED me, but if there’s an issue, they know I’ll handle it.

There’s a certain pride knowing that you are steering the ship, making sure you’re avoiding storms, and fighting every day at the helm to make things better for everyone who counts on you.

But you constantly are on guard to protect those who count on you and those you love. You have created the bubbles they live in, and you have a responsibility to use all of your strength to maintain it.

Which means….

You have to get stronger, every day. The pain of growth makes you impervious to life. The pain of failure makes you aware of life’s pitfalls.

Both are useful in making you the best you can be so that you can more easily maintain your life and the lives of those who count on you.

But it still means you don’t sleep….you sleep in a fire. Constantly aware of issues affecting you and your business and navigating to avoid or surpass those problems.

Yes, you’re always on.

Harsh Reality is Better than Malleable Fantasy

People don’t want to experience bad stuff. But we have to in order to grow.

Men are playing scared. They’ve been told masculine traits are outdated. They have been told to be vulnerable. And while the vulnerability is certainly valid, it’s not good to consistently be that way. Men stand guard. Men hold the line. Men put the world on their backs and carry it.

Confrontation, tragedy, setbacks, failures, bumps in the road are all a part of it. You can’t get away from the way life goes, but you can determine how you’ll allow it to affect you, and that’s by forging yourself in the fires you sleep in. Always being sharp, prepared and ready for anything that will cause you issues in your life.

The world won’t stop. We want it to, we do. But it doesn’t. The sooner a man realizes this, the sooner he understands that he must always sleep with one eye open, to stand guard and protect, because the world doesn’t care about you. Life doesn’t take it easy until you tell it to.

So you want an easy life? Be prepared to live an uneventful one.

I’m not promising anything but tough love to men who come to me for advice.

I’m telling them if they want to be successful, they always have to be on.

I can’t put it any other way. Men want to be successful and that means that have to work. Depending on how smart you work and how you play your success determines how much you can let off the gas later in life.

But you NEVER can coast. Many men believe they can coast, sleep with no consequences, and wake up with no worries.

The good, easy life is a lie. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is.

Facing life with your chest out, getting stronger with every obstacle you overcome, until the obstacles aren’t obstacles anymore. Until the pain doesn’t hurt anymore. Sleep in that bed of fire, because you’ll wake up rested and stronger.

Remember, you don’t sleep, you rest.

You have to get up and fight every day, so fight stronger, fight knowing that there are those depending on you to be stronger, more invincible than you were the day before.

You want an easy life?

Then do what you’re doing. Don’t worry about anything. Clock in and clock out. Kiss the wife, play with the kids, go to bed, get fat, watch the clock tick away on a life with no legacy, no direction, no purpose, no mission.

The men that lead this charge are the same men who have regrets later in life and are chained to an uncaring wife, dead-end job, and die as soon as they retire.

Some want to watch the world die. The “enjoy the decline” crowd have every right to live their lives the way they see fit. But remember, they won’t understand that overcoming hardships is one of the truly amazing parts of a full life.

Making excuses for not overcoming becomes a punch line for those who will never be there, on the front lines, fighting every day to provide the world that the decliners enjoy.

Thankless? Sure.

Worth it? You tell me.

Times Like These

“In the fullness of time
A garden to nurture and protect”

  • Rush – “The Garden”

I won’t lie.

2020 has been an interesting year.

Needless to say, I’ve gotten a few more grey hairs in the luscious silk like fibers on my skull as the year has gone on, but here we are, winding it down.

I tweet out messages each day as to my mindset on that particular day and lately, my tolerance for bullshit has been at an all-time low.

It’s not been something that I’ve been aware of until I decided to read “4 Hour Work Week” by Tim Feriss.

Do you realize how much time you are wasting daily at work, at home, at other places, simply passing the time doing bullshit that is taking away from what you really are? Your passions are put on the back burner for trying to win an argument on your phone with a dipshit anon on Twitter.

The manosphere, and me in particular, rail against all of this time wasting because I finally realized, in 2020, that my time WAS being wasted big time, especially at work.

When COVID hit, most people cuddled up on the couch, stayed in their pajamas, drank 8 cups of coffee and binge-watched shows they would never watch under normal circumstances. They played video games until they won every single match and got all of the virtual hardware that came with being on the top of your game.

Most saw working from home as an opportunity to sit on their asses. Instead of realizing they had dreams they could now pursue with extra time, they logged into the company Zoom meeting, then logged out, then went back to bed. Their kids, realizing that an 8 hour school day was actually only 1 hour of true work, decided to do the same, as they were watching their parents drool into a cup as they checked out another episode of “Cake Boss”.

So, he we are 150 days after the initial 15 days to stop the spread, and many people haven’t done anything but get worse in their lives. Marriages are ending, nothing has gotten accomplished, and the urge to do something with their lives ended after day 2. Like the people who make New Year’s resolutions at the gym in January, then February 1st, all the newbies are gone, back to their comfy homes and lit screens to escape from a life they don’t want to live, nor do they want to do the work to change it.

It’s fucking depressing, but it’s the way it is.

Take Your Time Back

If you truly want to take your life back, the first thing you must do is do a personal audit of your time. Doesn’t matter where it starts, but you must take specific notes and analyze your day. Mine started at work. I was spending incredible amounts of time on emails and notes that anyone of my other employees could have done, except I chose to because reasons…

All the little shit took up too much of my time, so I decided to change it up. I focused all of my attention on things that were going to need my attention. I worked ahead. I chose to spend time focusing on more important aspects of my life as opposed to the droll and mundane busy work that clogs us all up.

Ask yourself a question. What if you just didn’t answer your emails?

Try it. I stopped checking my email every 10 minutes to now doing it twice a day, sometimes not even that. I find that 99 out of every 100 emails I delete. I find that if an email is indeed important, I’ll determine if it is. And if I don’t answer? If it’s important enough, people know how to get in touch with me.

But here’s the thing.

It’s never important enough. People just think it is.

When you stop to think about it, people who have an acute attack of self importance tend to want to have answers to questions they already know the answers to because they want their bosses to “bless” what they are doing.

It’s CYA (cover your ass) with reckless abandon, to the point where people can’t function or even wipe their ass without a permission slip.

So your job now is to put them out to pasture. They have to make decisions without your constant babysitting, and if they can’t, they need not be in your employ.

You have to let the decisions of your employees fall where they may, all the while, have faith that not responding to every little spark will not cause a gigantic blaze, because, guess what? It won’t.

I started looking at what I was doing everyday, and I found that it was more of wasting time with pointless busy work, responding to emails on shit I didn’t need to, or going over policy that should have been known because no one wanted to get in trouble.

So you have the conversations, you adjust your schedule, you work it into your voicemails about how and when people can get a hold of you, and you move forward with the work that truly needs your attention. I can’t tell you how much my life has changed when I removed the time wasting bullshit from my world and focused on what I really wanted and needed to do.

This goes for working out, paying off debt, and prioritizing my life first, then everything else second. My priorities have never been a secret, so I focus on me first, then career, job, kids, etc.

When I put my time first, strangely, everything started to get better. The stupid, pointless meetings ceased. The box clogging emails stopped. The visits from uncertain employees diminished. And the important things rose up from under the pile of stupid shit to get my attention.

As people get older, especially men, they start to prioritize their time much more because they see the clock ticking on their lives. Is it mortality that is giving me this chance to pause?

In a way, yes. I know that I don’t have a lot of time on this Earth, so the best way to spend it would be to do what I want to do. And even if I have priorities in my life, my ability to deal with those priorities gets better when I diminish the amount of wasted time that I have in my life.

Nobody wants to die regretting what they didn’t do. So what better time than now, when all of this shit is hitting, to reinforce my boundaries and make them walls.

Time Audits

In order to do any of this, you have to know what’s important in your life and prioritize that.

Start with a notebook, and go through your day.

What are you doing that someone else could be?

What are you doing that is not advancing your life goals?

What are you wasting valuable time on that you could be doing something productive?

These are questions that can be answered with a two week micromanage of your life.

I went around, was mindful of what I was doing, wrote it down, and changed the parts that were taking away from my goals.

And you can’t just half ass it, you have to whole ass it. You have to make a move to cutting the clutter from your life both physically and with time.

Clutter happens in many different forms, your job is to identify and get the fuck rid of it.

So now?

I check emails twice a day.

I’m able to be reached (by emergency only) on my cell phone. If it isn’t an emergency, I call it out and ask if I need to be contacted for something that can be solved without me.

You can’t be a dick, but you can be assertive in protecting your time.

I now put my projects and company issues first and handle them. And with that daily audit, I can identify, ahead of time, what issues will come up and if they need to be dealt with by me or by others.

My personal life includes helping my kids and putting their interests and difficulties higher than I had.

Dating comes after I’ve established all of my time and have organized it.

The more time you take to audit the time you spend, the more you realize that you have more time that you would ever realize.

The excess time that I have is now spent writing, focusing on my life goals, and handling and preparing my business for the fun times ahead.

Leading is best done by someone who has great time management skills.

But you have to start now. You have to micromanage your life.

Grab a pen and pad. Start to analyze what things are wasting your time.

Time is more valuable than money because a good use of time can actually make and save you more money.

But you have to make it happen. Start prioritizing your time. Take it for yourself and watch all the issues you thought would happen when you did it fall to the wayside because people understand you don’t hang out for bullshit pointlessness.

It’s time to a take your life back, minutes to hours at a time.

Turn off the TV, get to the gym, work on your side hustle, work for yourself.

Enriching your life is the best thing you can do with the time you save.

Get to work.

A Letter To My Younger Self

Timothy Wayne Hicks, with his little sister and a devil cat, 1993

Dear 22 year old Tim,

I’m here to tell you some things that I need you to know so that you don’t take the next 22 years and blow up, then rebuild, then blow up your life again.

I’m your 44 year old self, fresh off of 22 years of fun, games, heartache, tragedy, loss, joy, and fun.

At this point in my life, at the time of writing this letter, these 22 years have flown by. I will tell you some things that you won’t believe but shouldn’t be surprised about:

  • As of this writing, you’ve been employed by two places, both family-run. One you left because you wanted to start a wholly-owned family business with your father, mother, sister, and good business associate. You’re just starting work at your father’s first company at 22, and you’ve got a shit ton of hard work that you don’t know is coming that is coming for your ass. College was cake, this real-world shit is not.
  • As of this writing, you’ve finally, mercifully discovered the world of women. It took you 20 years to do it, and surprise, you did it well. But it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be, and it certainly wasn’t the lifelong quest you needed to have to find your Moby Dick. And yes, you slept with a couple of white whales. Don’t sleep with fatties.
  • You’ve had a life of living overweight and out of shape. For 20 of your future years, you will be a fat ass. It’s not personal, though it is. You come from a long line of family who doesn’t take care of their health. And going into the workforce after you managed to take care of yourself in college, you’ll let all that slip. You’re going to balloon into a 308 lb unhealthy human being, and only between riding the roller coaster of diets and exercise will you truly find visions of your true self, before you fall back into the fat abyss. But the good news is, at 40, just like everything else you’ll learn the hard way, you’ll finally get your shit together and be able to outrun your kids and outwork men half your age because that’s what you should’ve been doing all along.
  • You have two amazing girls and an ex-wife. Yes, I said EX-wife. You spent your 20’s working hard and not putting work into your own life, so in your 30’s you married a woman because she was the only one who said yes. She married you because you gave her to opportunity for children. Both of you didn’t know who you were because you never bothered to find out. Your divorce put you in massive debt that took you two years to pay off. At the time of this writing, you are agonizingly close to your goal, with a mere $4500 left to go.
  • Your kids are incredible. Your oldest is just like you in every way, almost to a fault. Tall, lanky, and opinionated, but strong-willed and spirited. She’s also got your anxiety and anger issues, some of your more unattractive qualities, but she’s still a firebrand and an amazing student, as well as a robotics champ and an engineering fiend. Your youngest is smart, funny, social, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. She’s an independent dynamo who is friendly to everyone she meets, as well as a supporting and nurturing presence to her family and friends. You’d be amazed and proud of what amazing kids you’ve produced.

I wanted to reach out to you because I know what you’re going to be going through and I want to tell you things that I would recommend you do, knowing what I know now.

I will give you a rundown, and trust me what I say, this will save you YEARS of heartache and spinning your wheels. I can tell you that you are doing well at 44, but not as well as you could be doing if you follow me on what you need to be doing. Many people write these puff pieces of what they want their past self to do, but mine is truly from the heart, and you have a chance to re-live this life with vigor and more heart that I did, because you will truly know who you are and what you want.

  • Find out who you are

You are Timothy Wayne Hicks, but you don’t have the first fucking clue who the hell you are or what the hell you want. You MUST find out. It will solve almost 90% of the problems you will have in the future. Travel, try new things, spend time with friends. But know this. The myth that you were told about having a wife, house, car, kids, job, etc, is just that. It’s a myth that’s been propagated as the meaning of happiness in life, and it’s not that for many people, you included. You need to understand that just because your elders are pushing you into a direction they think you need to go, it doesn’t mean you have to go there. You have to think for yourself and don’t buy the myths of what is supposed to make you happy. What makes you happy is being who you want to be, doing what you want to do, and living how you want to live. No one has the right to take that away from you, and many people have succeeded in doing that in my life. No more.

  • Don’t go into trucking

Yes, your father offered you a great opportunity, but you needed to do something else. This job, as successful as it has made you, has taken years off of your life. Trucking is stressful, problem ridden, and thankless, and you jumped in when you were young and dumb, which is right where they want to get you. Now, you’ve lived your dream of becoming an entrepreneur, but at a potential cost of your sanity. It was never what you wanted, and will never be what you wanted. You’re a slave to it at times, and while trucking runs in your family’s blood, it’s cool comfort to a man who’s endured shit tons of crap from it for 22 years. If you have a chance to do something else and then come back to it, fine, but my guess, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that you need to travel, and take that trip to Argentina to immerse yourself in Spanish. Live there for 6 months and get yourself some world action.

  • Have sex and socialize

In 5 years, at the age of 27, you’ll have sex for the first time. While this probably won’t come as much of a shock to you as it should, you’re terrible with women and you have been for a while. And it won’t get better these next few years, so I encourage you to get out and socialize. Put the fucking video games down and put your head in the game. Go out with your friends, go to business dinners, travel, and meet new people. You’ll wait 20 years and a failed marriage to get this through your thick skull, and it needs to be said. You must get better with people and improve your social skills. Experience women from different backgrounds and walks of life. And most importantly, wrap that rascal. But you need the experience.

  • Pursue your passions

You love meteorology. But you couldn’t cut it because you thought it would be too hard. You never even tried it. You just assumed. Stop assuming. Get your ass to work and get a degree in something you love. You wanted to be a storm chaser, you wanted to be a meteorologist, you wanted to fly into a hurricane. You walked away from it all because you thought it was too hard. You’re a dumb fuck if you do it again. Explore what you want to do in this life. You will discover, 22 years too late as it seemed, that you have a passion for writing and a passion for helping men to live a full and more stable life for themselves. Get some balls and make a decision to be good to yourself and fuel these passions. It’s your call. Don’t forget that.

  • Get married on your terms

Yes, you’re divorced at 44. Yes, you wasted 10 years of your life with a woman whom you loved, but whom you loved only because you were told that’s what to do. She’s a great mom to your kids, but you need to be better at vetting potential women in your life. At 22, you would marry the first woman that said yes to having sex to you, and you actually do that at 30. She’s a good woman, but disaster is coming if you marry her, which you do. 10 years of a loveless marriage, no sex for nearly 2 of those years, and an inert relationship that dissolves slowly. You’ll make the tough decision to leave the marriage in 2015 and you’ll be glad you did, but it will cost you years off your life as well as tens of thousands of dollars. She’s not a bad person, as a matter of fact, she’s a great co-parent and best friend, but you shouldn’t have married her. But the good things that came out of it are the two kids you have. They’re very special. But you need to marry on your terms and only when you’re ready. You’ve rushed into marriage under pressure from family and friends to “settle down”. Don’t listen to them. You’ve got to blaze a path on your own. You must take the world by the balls before you invest in another person, and that person has to be the one to help you conquer the world. If she’s not, then there’s no point.

  • Be smart with money

You learn 5 years into your marriage that debt is a prison and you rack up tons of it with your wife. Then you take Dave Ramsey, and you start to get it back, until your divorce when you rack up debt again. Don’t go into debt. There’s no point in trying to have everything at 22, when you can work and live for practically nothing and save up every penny. Your success should be internal, not to show up your neighbors or people you don’t care about. You have to be smart with money and set up retirement early and contribute often to it. At 44, you’re kinda starting over on that point, and if I had done this at 22, I wouldn’t be in the straits I am now. And I want you to get a will done immediately. And life insurance, term life insurance. And get a good accountant, lawyer, and tailor.

Maybe the reason I’m writing this letter is because I’m scared for you to go through what I went through and I want you to avoid it. But maybe avoiding it isn’t the way to go. Maybe all the shit you’ll go through is so you can tell your story to a younger man than you, so he’ll learn from you.

Trying to avoid a life of some difficulties makes soft men.

You need to take life as it comes, and learn from the mistakes I made, but you’ll still make mistakes. We all do, and the best of us learn, adapt, and warn others about said mistakes. You have a lifetime to learn the hard knocks classes, so get started.

And on second thought, after you read this letter, tear it up, and do what you need to do to live your life. Just stop listening to other people who think they know better that you do about YOUR life. They don’t, and they never will.

You’ve got this, Past Tim.

Go live your life.

Sincerely,

Timothy Wayne Hicks, 44

The Eye

Hurricane Laura – August 2020

“In the eye of the storm, I’ll make my stand. But I’m not waiting for the walls to close in. I just brace myself for winds to change their ways.”
– Godsmack – “Eye of the Storm”

The hits kept coming.

“I can’t keep doing this.”

I thought to myself.

There I was, out on the warehouse floor of my work, Christmas rush blasting the dock, my daughter had potentially had another seizure, my parents were fighting, my ex-wife was threatening to take me back to court, and my aunt was having serious health issues.

On top of all this, I had just broken up with my girlfriend.

Towering waves, wind crested and pushed, were tossing me around. Swirling vortices of water, pushing me in every direction, a doomed ship upon the angry sea.

And I kept refusing to put down my anchor.

Helplessly bracing for the next hit, I was letting all of this consume me.

This hadn’t been the worst day. There’d been worse, don’t get me wrong. But everything was hitting at once. And I was letting it affect me. So I had to say “fuck it” and dropped the hammer. I lashed out at everyone at work about my shitty day. I got emotional. I punched a door. It was too much.

So I stormed out and slammed the office door. I was on the warehouse floor with freight, machinery, and large equipment in a righteously pissed off state and that wasn’t good.

After tossing a couple of load locks, my phone, non-stop since that morning, started ringing again. I chucked it across the dock.

After taking a 2x 4 to a pile of old pallets, I finally calmed down. I was sweating, out of breath, but surprisingly, everything was finally, mercifully quiet for a moment.

I sat on the pile of pallets, breathing heavy, fuming, and upset. It wasn’t stopping. The phone, surprisingly still working, kept ringing. Texts, alerts, overload.

It had to stop. It wasn’t going to.

I had to make it stop.

Enforce Your Calm

A man must understand one thing.

The storm of life doesn’t ever stop. You create the calm within it by being the strength to face it.

As I said in a blog post a few months ago called “Storms”, life doesn’t give a fuck about you or your problems. It’s unrelenting, and you can only control what you can control.

But what you can control will determine how you weather these storms, and if you are strong enough, anchored enough, and steadfast, you create your own calm, your own eye within the chaos, rather than being tossed uncontrollably by a machination of calamities, both perceived and real.

This is a matter of personal, emotional, and even physical strength. You make a stand against all of this, everyday. You put your chest out and face the wrath, unflinching. That’s the difference between today’s stressed out man and the man of the past, who was stressed, but did his shit anyway.

There is something to be said for stoicism, the practice of Marcus Aurelius, and why the manosphere continues to pine for his wisdom. Zeno of Citium founded the school of philosophy, and there is a ton of wisdom in it. It’s a lost art to be able to keep one’s cool, especially with a world that is constantly yapping at men to perform. Imagine a world that Aurelius lived in, with wars with barbarian hordes, disease, famine, and low life expectancy, as the back drop for a philosophy that required you to keep your head about you at all times, through all events.

Now, fast forward to today, where modern convenience has made all of what Aurelius dealt with obsolete, and see how we are MORE stressed than ever.

It shows to men today that we are not even close to being as weathered as our ancestors. And with the feminization of society, it only stands to reason that as society continues to denigrate men and masculinity, the victim hood of circumstances defense will still continue to get airplay.

All the more reason for men to focus on the small picture and handle their immediate concerns, and forge a calm center to retreat to in case of issues.

It really is up to you how you attack this.

The Mind’s Eye

All calm in your life starts with the calming of your mind.

Close your eyes in a quiet room. No distractions. Do you hear your mind chattering away? This is your mind’s default setting, but it is one that you can control.

You have issues. You have things that you have to do. You have worries. You have fears.

You have to assign importance of all of this in your thoughts.

You control what thoughts you listen to. You control your reactions to the thoughts that scare you.

You are in control of your brain. Many people aren’t, however. That’s where taking time to calm the mind is where the calm in the storm starts. When you’re calm of mind, the world calms around you, because you aren’t letting it escalate. This takes an enormous amount of self and emotional control which many men these days don’t have. To stand in the face of a blinding wind, gigantic waves, and the imminent threat of loss of life is to become more than the hurricane.

And it starts in your head.

The world, and hell, life in general is a bully, but it’s all bark and no bite, for the most part. We live longer now than we ever have. We have somewhat of a civilized society. The big picture things are handled so that we can obsess about the small shit, and obsess we do.

The human mind must always have problems to solve, or it creates them on its own. Idle hands are a major problem, and the problems that are easiest to solve tend to be the ones we overlook, and the lack of control for the bigger problems overwhelm us.

While seething on the dock that December afternoon, several things happened.

  • My dock was full of freight and we were busy
  • My daughter’s seizure was a false alarm
  • My parents worked out their issues
  • My ex-wife called and apologized and we worked out the issues
  • My aunt found out she didn’t have cancer

My relationship with my girlfriend ended by my accord. I found out later that she had been seeing her ex-boyfriend before me again, so it made my breaking up with her much easier to handle.

All the shit I was stressing about during that day had worked itself out (with little lifting from me).

After an apology to my work crew and a bit of door repair for the dented door, I was back to being even-keeled. But this time, I reminded myself that feeling this way wasn’t the way to go, and clearing my mind was going to be a priority to avoid future blow ups.

I’ve always had a problem with anger, and there aren’t easy answers. But you can control and channel your anger into productive exercises, as well as utilizing stoicism and mind calming techniques to pull back from the brink of the blowup.

Before, I would be uncontrollable with my stress induced blowouts.

But now, they happen much less frequently because I’ve managed to remember the big picture and how forming a eye of calm inside a storm of reality will truly make me a better man.

Find your calm and claim it.

Guilt and Shame

“You can twist perception. Reality won’t budge.”

  • Rush – “Show, Don’t Tell”

Show me a man doing what he’s told, and I’ll show you a woman who used either sex, or guilt and shame to accomplish it.

Men, especially men here in 2020, millions of them, are in relationships or marriages where the woman calls the shots.

And the way the women call the shots? It’s the way they always do, utilizing emotional manipulation and withholding sex to achieve their goals.

Men are still, after all is said and done, responsible for their actions, however, they need to be aware that women (a majority) are doing this not because they are some sick, twisted soul, but because they can navigate emotion with great skill and do all of this unknowingly.

Women, regardless of where they are in your life, do this almost daily. We call them “shit tests” here in the manosphere, but we also must realize that this isn’t something that women can control.

While we want to rail against women who purposefully do this (they are called psychopaths or borderline personality disorders), a majority of women do this simply to make sure their man is up to the task.

This also goes for mothers and their sons, sisters to their brothers, aunts, nieces, etc.

Women test men daily, hundreds of times daily at times, to make sure he is who he says he is, believes what he believes, and holds his boundaries and beliefs unflinchingly.

But what we are seeing is what I was under for 10 years of my marriage.

Women can use guilt and shame to attempt to influence a man’s actions.

He must not let that happen.

The Fog

As I stated, I was in this trance for most of my life.

It wasn’t that these women who were in my life were manipulative.

They weren’t. I’m sure they wanted what was best for me.

But what was best for me in THEIR mind was different from what was best for me in mine.

My mother and sister, as well as my wife, tended to push me in directions that I didn’t know I didn’t want to go because I didn’t know any better.

As a man, I had no direction, so these women were trying to

My mother has been through a lot in her life.

She is a champion and is a fantastic mother.

She’s endured child abuse as a kid and survived cancer.

She helped my father raise three kids that weren’t hers as well as 2 that were.

She was a successful financial accountant for a giant corporation for 30 years.

And she is my rock when I needed support.

And she continues to be there for me.

But it wasn’t always on my terms. For a time, it was on hers.

She over-compensated with my child rearing, because of how bad her childhood was, she swore that her kids would have a better life. And we sure did, my parents were and are still very loving and supportive. But with the over-compensation, I was over-protected and relied on my mother for a ton of decisions that I needed to make myself. And that over-reliance on the women in my life spilled over into my sisters and my wife (now ex-wife). I didn’t want to take responsibility for my life, so I decided to let the women of my life drive while I fucked around.

Important decisions about my life were given to the women of my life. And as soon as I let go of the wheel, I was going to places I thought I wanted to go, and looking back now after taking back control of my life 4 years ago, I should’ve taken control sooner.

But many men never wake up, letting their wives / mothers / daughters / sisters take the wheel and drive their lives. And it’s not as if they aren’t good drivers, but men nowadays are more concerned with the “clock in, clock out” world than they are with actually making their lives all that they can, with women as their willing accomplices. But here’s where the break happens…..

News flash: WOMEN DON’T WANT TO BE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.

I highly doubt my mother, or my sisters, or my now ex-wife wanted to tell me what to do with my life. I was so eager to avoid conflict, take the easy way, not fight for what I believe in, that their advice became a crutch for me to excuse making tough decisions in lew of the path of least resistance.

In short, I didn’t want to live the tougher parts of life. So I conceded that control to women who I felt had my best interests at heart. And in their own way, they did, except their goals and dreams for me never lined up with what I REALLY wanted, hence when the rubble of my marriage and my life was still smoldering, the conflict with the other women of my life came full circle. My life goals were now, after 10 years of marriage and 30 years of female control, diametrically opposed to that of the women in my life.

When you give someone overreaching control of your life, don’t expect to have an easy time getting it back.

It’s not that they want control, it’s the absence of control that you exert that forces women to take the wheel. Like an abandoned ship with no crew, she has to take control or she’ll be dragged down with the wreck.

I don’t blame my mother for any of this. She had a childhood where she was basically abandoned by her father and her mother neglected her. So she had to steer the ship. She had to control her world, and it took her childhood away from her. She didn’t get to be a kid, she’s been an adult her whole life and it didn’t give her a chance to rest and recharge. She didn’t deserve it, which is why when I took back control of my life, my goal was to tell her to put down the hard stuff and let me take it. And the process of that will take time. She needs to be able to relax, and me taking control of my life, though disappointing at first to her, gave her some relief that she didn’t have to take the wheel anymore.

And it gave me relief because I now have control.

The Only Way to Win is Not To Play

So you’re being guilt and shamed by a woman in your life? The best way to overcome and pass this “shit test” is the only way. Don’t play.

Any attempt to guilt and shame you is an attempt to change your mind using manipulation of a certain set of circumstances.

“If you don’t do this for me, I’ll XXXX.”

If someone is giving ultimatums to you, you walk. Ultimatums are a cry for help because these people have lost control of you. You have free will, which is usually a bad thing for a person who’s trying to control your actions with their guilt and shame.

As I say with many confrontations, you don’t avoid them, you turn them down.

Not getting guilt and shamed by someone so desperately trying to is the answer. Walking away from a losing game is not avoiding confrontation as much as it is not wasting your breath on such a confrontation.

You have better things to do, and trying to confront someone who has no interest in changing their behavior wastes your time.

You do you. Let them worry about themselves.

When you finally take control of your life, there will be MANY people who won’t like the direction. My response has always been “if you love me, you’ll support my decisions.”

And most importantly, you can’t be afraid to cut people out of your life, at least temporarily, but worst case, for a long time. Charting your own course, by your own rules, is the healthy option. Unless you are doing unhealthy things like drugs, crime, etc, you have every right to do what you want with your life. But many people see you doing that and it takes away their power over you, and the benefits of that power doing good things for them.

Don’t be afraid to walk and never look back.

Sometimes burning bridges is a good thing.

So back to me. My family life is improving. The women in my life may disagree with my path, opinions, or convictions, but they understand that as a man, I have every right to chart my path.

But with me wrestling back control, I have seen the women on my life, mother, sisters, and ex-wife, understand and accept my chosen path, and now, even support me no matter what.

That’s why I love this new me so much. I have put my flag in the sand and now people can either rally or leave. And the women in my life haven’t left, they’ve only become better allies in my conquest of my world and myself.

And for that, I can’t thank them enough.

I love you, Mom, Debbie, and Shanny. And yes, Jill, even if we’re divorced, I still love you. You ladies have helped me to understand what I really need and are there to support me.

I promise, you won’t be disappointed by the finished Tim.

He’s got this.

Dreams

As a new subscriber of Dr. Taylor Burrowes’ “Ideal Relationship System” group coaching, I’m sharing some of my experiences therein with approval. You can find more information about her work here www.ideallovelife.com.

“I will quietly resist.”

  • Rush – “Faithless”

Ask any random man on the street about his dreams, his goals, his wants and desires, and you’ll generally get about the same reactions.

A woman.

A good career that he loves.

A piece of land with acreage.

Children and lots of them.

Travel.

Freedom.

There are many things a man truly wishes he had in his life, and the above tends to be where he lands.

Quite simply, ask any man what he truly wants and he’ll tell you, “freedom to do whatever the hell I want.”

Isn’t that what we all want? We want the freedom and flexibility in our lives to live the lives we truly want.

But many times, men intentionally put barriers to their own happiness and freedom because they are bound by some sense of honor or duty to anyone else in their lives but themselves.

In short, they’re playing a game they didn’t create and they can’t win.

The Same Script

Many, many of the men I’ve spoken with, am in organizations with, or grew up with have all told me, generally, the same hopes and dreams that they all have. The freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

I’m sure most men, when they are in their 20’s, don’t have a damn clue as to what they want to do with their lives, so, and I speak from personal experience, we are TOLD what to do, and we do it. They give you a solid blueprint when you are getting out of high school, college, or the military on how to live your life. Job, car, house, kids, wife. Retire after working 40 years or more. Have debt, buy toys to make others envious.

It’s all bullshit, of course, but it’s still pushed by men before you, because it was pushed by men before them.

It’s an assembly line of thought, mass produced by a society that sees men as expendable cogs in a gigantic machine. Men must provide value or die. No where does it forgive men for pursuits of their own dreams, it actually punishes men for failing to work for the greater good. Sacrifice isn’t coveted, it’s required.

The world doesn’t care about you, and never did. That was the harsh lesson I learned as I was struggling to determine my own path in life. I was told the same damn things, and did the same damn things. But what I didn’t understand, and now do, was that this life is MINE. I get to have the choice of what I do.

As I slaved away in my 20’s at my father’s business, many times pulling 80 hour work weeks, weekends, and holidays, I didn’t understand the world. I just kept my head down and worried about the daily grind, the myopic existence that many a man endures today.

The advice and blueprint handed down is a worn out piece of paper, with many a man obeying it without question for generations, without even looking for what he truly wants to be in a man, what he truly wants for himself, what world he wishes to forge. The world he enters is already forged for him, and all he has to do is make the donuts for the hungry.

Marcus Aurelius, the stoic for whom I base my worldviews on, had good points, but he also had some things he fell short on. I don’t believe a man is just his job, nor should he be. Does he exist to serve others only if he gains benefit from it? He exists to serve himself and helping others should be a valuable by-product of this service.

As I say, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Live Your Dream

A man’s role should always be that of building his world. He should have the drive to do whatever he wants and be successful at it.

You cannot truly be happy slaving under someone else’s expectations for your life.

That’s what men lack in this day and age, the BALLS to make their own decisions and risk it all for a dream that they have. Risk averse men have taken over, run by overlords who have no object but to use them for their own devices then toss them aside.

You must take control of your own life.

Are you in a job you hate? Quit.

Are you in a marriage that sucks you dry (in the bad way)? Make plans to eject.

Is your mindset that of complaining when that other guy gets what he wants, that girl goes with another dude, or you miss a chance that you didn’t take? Change it.

Men won’t change their lives because they are ignorant of the fact that they can.

When you live under a rock, all you know is the top of the rock, the soil underneath, and the darkness that engulfs your world. It’s only when the rock is moved or you decide to lift it up that you see the true environment you are living in.

I want all men, all men, to take stock of their lives at the moment.

Are you truly living the life you want?

Are you scared to take risks to attain this life?

Are you being held back by those who don’t want you to have your own life?

This is where men must be the most selfish. They must not delay in taking their lives back.

I recently did a vision board of all the things that I wanted in life. My vision board was similar to other men, and showed that I was indeed working towards the life I wanted.

Put it all down on paper. Find pictures to help you. Get it in a place where you see it everyday so that you know your work is putting you in a place YOU want to be, not someone else.

Are you living the life you want? If you aren’t, change it now.

Immediate action is required for you to get the life you want, the things you want, the freedom you want.

Many a man has taken a chance by leaving what he was supposed to do for what he wanted to do. Don’t be the man that regrets his life.

No one, not one man, looked forward to having regrets on his deathbed. This isn’t how it supposed to be. This is not the way.

I would recommend, right now, a vision board for all men to fill out.

What hobbies do you want to do? What things in life did you enjoy before you were forced to give them up? What activities gave you joy, pleasure, and a sense of accomplishment?

Put them down on paper. Then staple that paper to every place in your life.

Look at what you are doing for what you want, and make sure it’s getting you to this paper.

Do it now. Because if you don’t, you never will.

Demons

“Stop fighting your demons and start putting them to work for you.”

  • T. Wayne Hicks (Formally TW Beckett)

So as I’ve been in my self imposed monk mode for going on 6 months now, I have been able to really do some soul searching.

Through FoE (Fraternity of Excellence) and other outlets, I have been able to re-establish who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.

And the man that you all know and love is still here, but he’s going to be under a different name. A REAL name.

The man I am is the man I will present to you all. It’s not a great unveiling as much as it is an acceptance of the fact that I can’t hide from my beliefs anymore. A surname or pseudonym need not be used, especially if the man behind them has the balls to stand up for his beliefs, no matter how controversial they are.

While it’s just a change of a few characters, it’s a huge shift in this environment today. Thoughts like mine are usually cause for cancellation, ridicule, and anger. But should it be that way? Hell no.

But it is what it is. And that alone has made me leery about this decision. But I can’t stop, won’t stop. I’ve forged my life the way I want it and now, it’s time to employ my demons to make the landscape complete.

The Challenge

As my monk mode settled in during COVID, I realized that not only had I not exorcised my demons, I had made new ones.

I was so intent on being good with women, so pushing myself to overcome this ONE challenge that had dogged me my whole life, that I let everything else slip.

Sure, I was having a ton of sex with girls. I wasn’t afraid to approach anymore. I was doing well with all my dating. I had established myself as a high demand bachelor before my monk mode hit, but everything around me was failing. In my blog post, Rise, I realized this and knew that I had to stop building a life I didn’t want, but at one time had thought I wanted.

It’s hard. Thinking you want something, then you work hard as hell, going through hundreds of approaches, and when you finally get it, you realize it wasn’t what you wanted.

This is the PUA life in a nutshell. I tried to push it because I thought it was what I wanted. It wasn’t.

Sometimes the things we want aren’t the things we need. And I found that out after a year of chasing pussy all over the country.

So I had to challenge myself and my thoughts in what I truly wanted, and it all kept coming back to my life I was trying to run from. My home, my kids, my job, my business, my everything. It was all being neglected for pussy.

I knew what I had to do, I knew this wasn’t the life I wanted after a pursuit of it with reckless abandon.

I’ve often been referred to as the “Single dad playboy”, and as we know, those two worlds are not compatible. Not in the least.

When I eventually brought some of these girls home, what would my daughters think? Do I really want to be the man whore who never got his ride or die?

I’m not afraid to die alone, I am afraid of dying not knowing who I truly was, and not accepting my beliefs. It’s another case of living someone else’s life, even if I was convinced this was the type of life I wanted.

I’m not trad. I still believe in the values of game and being good with women.

I still believe in men taking control of their lives, but if I’m truly going to reflect a change, I have to start with myself, accepting the man I am and the man I want to be, real name and all.

I do realize the danger in doing this. I do realize I’m opening myself up to cancellation for simply putting out my opinions.

I’ve weighed all of this. If I’m going to truly realize my goals and my purpose, I have to meet men face to face, as Timothy Hicks. I wouldn’t be doing them a service if I played pretend, after all my railings against that exact lifestyle choice.

My reality is now a REAL reality. No more hiding in the shadows of surnames, protection from the fire, it’s time to step up.

Put Them To Work

My demons, who’ve haunted me for so long, are going to be turned into my employees. It’s time to focus them on my purpose of helping men. They will be used in teaching men what not to do.

They will be used to get men better with women, yes, but more into working on a man’s confidence and swagger. I will be continuing my journey and that’s not changing one bit.

You still get to see me as I am, as I have been, as I will be. Just as the real name me now.

It’s been quite the journey from September 2018 when the Red Pill Dad came onto the scene with his general red pill wisdom, to the change of TW Beckett and getting into the inner workings of all things single dad life.

I want to thank you all for all of your support. I have met and made some great friends during this journey, and I hope to make many more. I am going to continue to write, put in the work, and master myself and my life, but now I’ve got my demons on staff to help me further my life, as well as help other men further theirs.

The story continues when you turn the page. And this story is just getting started. I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. But now I will do it as me, Timothy Wayne Hicks, for the rest of my life.

My Journey will continue. And it’s just getting started.

Fortress

“Prepare your hearts as a fortress, for there will be no other.”    

Francisco Pizarro

Superman needed space.

He needed a place to go to get the fuck away from humanity. He needed a place to be himself, to vent, to figure out the questions in his head, his place in the world, the reason he was sent to Earth. He couldn’t get that in Metropolis, a city of bustling sheep and where his slam piece, Lois Lane, was always getting herself into damn trouble.

Humans, for all their benefits, were trying for the Man of Steel. Sheep, all of them, except a very few. So he hauled ass to the North Pole, threw his crystal, and watched it turn into his own, personal, fortress.

His home, his own walls away from the shit the world was throwing at him.

He needed it.

He needed to get away from a world that, many times, took him for granted. This was his world to develop his own person, his own world.

Not a comfort zone, mind you, but a place to grow without distraction, to learn without judgement, to act without guilt.

The world saw him as a savior, but nothing more. He needed a place, a home, to grow himself as a person. He didn’t want to be a weapon to defend, he was still a person, as strange as he was.

Explore, Roots, then Build

For the younger guys out there, my advice has always been the same.

Explore your world. Travel. Find a place that touches your soul.

What place speaks to you? It doesn’t have to be fancy, the city, the country, what ever, just explore and find a place that hits you as a man and fills you with a sense of “this is home”.

It may take you years to find it, but while you’re looking, you may very well find out what Goldmund did, that your home is your soul, and wanderlust is in your blood forever.

My story? Not really very exciting. Born and raised in Indiana, and my soul is truly here. The autumn is truly the time of year that I feel my soul connect to the place I inhabit. The seasons make for a great backdrop for the changes in my life that seem to happen every year, without apology.

This is the place I wanted to live. Could I have gone elsewhere? Sure.

But this is my home. It’s the place I call mine. It’s my Fortress of Solitude.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way. After rebuilding after my marriage ended, I could’ve gone any other way, but I chose home. Indiana is where my heart is and always will be. And that, young kings, is what you have to find. A place to call yours. A fortress to build your empire out of.

The greatest empires in the world had and still have spectacular cities at the heart of their culture. Rome, for example. Still the herald of ancient cities to this day, and still exudes greatness. It’s the heart of the great empire. It’s what you need.

Your decision will come to you automatically when you see the place you are in. It won’t take very long to see that this, indeed, is the place you want to put down your roots and build your empire.

Whether it be in the mountains, beaches, valleys, woodlands, jungles, or plains of this world, there is a place that will sing to you to call home.

But the search must begin. You can’t hang your hat on a moving train. You must KNOW what you want in order to feel it. So have a plan, have an idea, and have a dream. You can’t have a home if you don’t identify what makes it that way.

If you truly don’t know yourself, you can’t know what place will work for you. Self analysis and work to set out your boundaries, likes, dislikes, joys and turn offs will only lead to you finding the place you want sooner and with less headaches.

Define yourself, then define your world.

WHY A FORTRESS?

Men ask, “Why do I need a place for me?”

It’s the most important place in the world for you. It’s where you can grow, develop your talents and skills, learn, and express yourself without the absolute shit show of the outside world intruding. It’s your place to build your world.

You have to have a sanctuary for all the bull shit. You have to have a place to go when shit gets heavy and you need to put it down. You need to have quiet, you need to have peace, and you have to make it your way.

Build strong walls and a solid foundation, to keep the world out so you can work on yourself.

This is your space, defend it with your life. No person has a right to change it, nor should they request the same of you.

Many men give up their personal space too quickly to the prospect of pussy. They change things they’ve stood by for years because a woman wants them to change.

If she wants to change you, she’s not the one for you.

This is your world. This is what you’ve built.

Imagine building your own house and busting your ass over it for YEARS, only to have someone come in with dynamite and a sledgehammer simply because she’s got a pretty face and a nice ass.

Men will sell their souls for pussy, only to find out the bill is a shit ton bigger than they ever imagined.

So they cash out, become bitter, all while living in a bubble that wasn’t created by them, but for them, but those that want to see them do other people’s bidding.

You create your world. You build your fortress. If folks don’t like it, they can take a giant fucking hike.

Your world, your rules. It’s time to say “tough” to those who can’t deal with your fortress.

You build it for yourself. You build it to get away from those that would see it destroyed. You build it as you build your boundaries.

YOU ARE THE KING OF YOUR CASTLE.

This hasn’t changed nor will it. But men, just like Superman, have become useful tools that are only needed when the world is threatened, then discarded after the danger has passed. There’s still more for you to do. There’s still a shit ton of value you possess.

While men are primarily valued for what they provide, there are tons of other factors that determine your worth, especially to yourself. You dictate all of this.

Men have more control over their lives than they realize. They just need to take the step to build the walls that enforce that.

You are Superman. You aren’t governed by anything except your own desires, needs, and wants. You control you life, so start building your fortress.

You will appreciate the fact that you did for the rest of your life.

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Image Credit: Blog Talk Radio

In the blink of an eye, she appeared just behind me at the bar. I hadn’t seen her all night, but somehow, she had seen me. After she casually said hello, I treated her with the same lack of attention that she had done to me so many times 4 years ago.

I was talking to several regulars at the bar about the usual things, COVID, sports being back and maybe going away again, Trump, the police, and race issues. The debate was good enough that I failed to notice her looking at me most of the night, until after she came up, then I noticed more and more. She was trying to catch my eye, but I wasn’t having it.

We had met 4 years ago while I was in the death throes of my “nice guy” phase. I would see her at my local watering hole as she was a regular there.

I always wanted to get in her pants. First I tried the “be nice” approach. Talking with her, ordering her drinks, paying her tab. Didn’t work, she wasn’t having any of it.

Then the inevitable ignoring her, all while secretly hoping she’d see the dude I was and come running. Still nothing. She played the game well and was well versed in what a nice guy does. She’d seen it all before and I represented zero challenge. She was just like any other girl I lusted after while in my beta phases. Trying to figure out the combination for 2 years yielded my nothing but questions on what I was doing wrong.

But then that night at the bar….

Changing the Narrative

When a guy goes from the nice guy to the real guy, his priorities shift. But what doesn’t usually shift is the way women saw him and the way they still see him.

No matter the distance between the guy you were and the guy you really are, she’s not buying it, because she was sold on the guy you were and that made an indelible mark on her.

No matter the strides you made, no matter the weight you lost, no matter the style you have, the fairy tale of a self confirmed beta nice guy getting into the pants of the girl of his dreams after changing himself for her seldom comes to fruition.

And that’s the rub. I’ve seen men completely change themselves all for the possibility of the love of a woman they wanted in their lives, only to watch as despite all of their work, she still sees them as the man they were.

What they say about first impressions? That’s pretty dead on balls accurate.

The main motivating factor for all of this should be for you to change yourself for yourself, not for others. But guys will have plastic or bariatric surgery, spend thousands on a new wardrobe, get Lasik, or other things, not for themselves, but for the love of a woman.

Guys will literally replace their old personas in a matter of weeks or months in order to get the girl.

But what they have to understand is that this whole narrative doesn’t exist because she refused to allow it.

She saw you as a non-sexual entity. As far as being able to turn that piece around, it’s very difficult.

I see a lot of men trying to get some sort of success porn revenge on the women who turned them down by living successfully, however, they aren’t living successfully by shifting their entire persona. They are quite literally playing the game she’s dictating. They’re letting her decide what they do to try to get her in their lives.

It’s a matter of the “right lesson, wrong application” syndrome that recovering nice guys try to apply. The whole point is to either show her up or get her to accept you as a sexual being. It doesn’t work that way, because she doesn’t fucking care.

Women are going to size you up in a few moments and if you aren’t there to shine, there’s rarely a reason to keep going. Now I’ve seen romance bloom after YEARS of not seeing the person and seeing a new man come forward, but you don’t have that kind of time, and that also means she has to be out of your life, which ain’t happening if you’re pinning your hopes on this latest stunt to get her.

Grant Her Wish

After making it more than apparent that she was indeed looking at me that night, I smiled, paid my tab, and left the bar without so much as a word to her.

I know she was wanting to talk to me, but I didn’t want to talk to her.

I knew how she felt, but more importantly, I knew how I felt. I didn’t change myself to be with her. I changed myself to get rid of girls exactly like her.

And her first wish was the one she meant. She wasn’t attracted to me in that way. And no amount of polarity, tension, or PUA techniques would change it. She was probably good for a lay, but when you see a girl not be attracted to you, believe her, regardless of your improvements.

This is what guys fail to realize. They do whatever it takes to WIN the girl, but never wonder if they should. More times that not, winning the girl means losing in life, because the life you built up just for HER is not compatible with the life you wanted.

Pussy is powerful, but it shouldn’t be.

Men will change their lives in detrimental ways in pursuit of it, without even a care as to the consequences.

You, as a man, HAVE to be able to see the forest from the trees. It is absolutely imperative that men be able to take their eye and put it on the real prize, a life they actually want, versus the women of their dreams.

But here we are in 2020, having the discussions of what “gets me the girl”.

One thing that game, PUA, and the manosphere have taught me is it’s never about the girl.

The girl brings good things in your life, but only as an accessory to what you are doing.

When your world revolves around her, it ceases to be yours.

It’s now hers. And she doesn’t want the damn thing.

She never did. It’s an idea concocted in your head and your head alone.

Which is why the crashing disappointment is a vicious cycle that men can very seldom get out of. Imagine if you will, a woman of your dreams, the dream girl that you can’t live without. She comes up to talk to you, excited to see the new person you’ve become, and you walk away from it. You walk away from all of it. Why?

Because she’s not the answer to your prayers. She’s the antithesis to your expectations.

Stop thinking she’s your world. She doesn’t want to be. And do what I did. Regardless of your past feelings for her, make the right decision to avoid something that could be worse than you could possibly imagine.

A girl that wants to be a part of your life leaves no doubt.

But you still, of course, have to approach.