Exes

I have never gotten back with an ex.

I can personally attest to the difficulty of this philosophy, as many men get back together with a person they swore they wouldn’t.

I’ve been lucky, however, in that my blue pill beta years featured many exes who would not take me back, even after I tried to get them back.

The pull of an ex is great. Especially if you are a man who needs to have someone in your life and you don’t have many options.

Men don’t have the selection women do. Especially blue-pilled men who cling to any relationship (or any woman who says yes to them sexually) and they lose her because of their clinginess.

I had a penchant for desperation. So after my 20’s being a hopeless romantic blue piller, I got married. After my divorce, I went back to my desperate neediness with women I dated.

After I got divorced, I really hadn’t learned anything. I still wasn’t good with women, because I had only had sex with one. When women started to come into my life with more regularity as my separation was occurring, naturally, I started to get into relationships (even though I only really count 4) of months with damaged women because I, myself, was damaged goods.

So the relationships I was having were trash, but as a weak minded man, I assumed this is how relationships work.

Many men don’t understand how to be in a healthy relationship because they’ve never had one. With me, my dysfunctional marriage where I didn’t even know who the hell I was turned into relationships with damaged broads where I had the same damn problem.

But the assumption was that these relationships were good because there was a living, breathing woman who could stand me for 5 minutes was my qualification, and it was a horrible one.

So as the damaged women piled up, the attraction to the most damaged, most crazy, most problematic would put me into short, 3-5 month relationships that would almost always end in disaster.

Either I was too needy, saying “I love you” within weeks of meeting, introducing my kids in rapid fashion, doing all the things that blue pilled chumps do to rush in with the first woman who touched his penis.

I WAS THAT GUY.

And as the women broke up with me, I would be sick with missing them. I would blow up their phones with messages, text them incessantly, mope around and feel like the last thing was the real thing, as that girl was the only one who said yes to my advances. It’s like I lucked into these relationships, not thinking about why, and then as they ended (I can now see why, I couldn’t back then) I would try to grab onto these dysfunctional shit shows hoping to get back to that life I had when we had first dated.

But my issue was two fold:

a) I was attracted to shitty women

b) I was not in a good place myself

So, yearning for these relationships, as bad as they were, was my lot in life after my divorce.

For 3 years I limped from one relationship to the next, feeling glad another woman said yes while becoming too needy, clingy, and love-struck within minutes of hitting it off. And as the predictable end of the relationship was occurring, I would fight it with the “love yous” and “need yous”, not because of any other reason but I was a lonely chump who thought this was his last chance at love.

The Ex – Issues With Getting Her Back

Men these days, an overwhelming amount of them, act this way with women. We commit to emotion far too quickly, our beggary becomes absolutely detestable. But it’s only because we don’t get pussy at a regular rate. When we treat pussy as scarce, we do things to try to keep it in our lives, and that’s the major issue with men who just can’t let go.

Regardless if they initiate the breakup or not (most of the time, the woman does it), men can’t let go of a woman who treated them like shit, because at least she spread her legs for him. She could absolutely emasculate him, humiliate him in front of his friends, even cheat on him, and he’ll let it slide because he “loves” her. It’s a similar trope to a woman who stays in an abusive relationship.

A man who has zero self esteem or self worth can’t begin to be in a healthy relationship, so they stumble from damaged woman to damaged woman, with no hope of seeing a healthy chick in this parade of crazies.

This was me. After my marriage, in an empty house, I would be the picture of the guy who attracted all the damaged broads. Nearly all of them had more issues than Sports Illustrated, but it was simply because I was getting regular pussy from irregular girls that kept me going. And then they left after I became over attached. And then, instead of doing what I should have done (more on that below), I decided to over text, over call, even “stalk” women to the point I would be a mess, getting upset and angry because they wouldn’t give me another chance.

So I drifted from a bad relationship to one night stand to a bad relationship, with the same results. Get attached, get dumped, get depressed, get back up, then get back into another shitty situation. And in between, I was a sobbing moron who decided to send just one more text, one more call, and that would make it better.

Many men don’t evolve and fall back into the same pattern, and even worse, they take back an ex. Imagine after all my pining, the woman I was dating took me back. She could then know she had control over my life. This is where guys get into major amounts of trouble. They are convinced they need their woman and will do anything simping to do it. And they get her back. And they regret it for the rest of their lives because their relationship with that girl was shit, but the pussy was good (even if it wasn’t), and most times, it isn’t worth the sacrifices men make to “get her back”.

Imagine surrendering yourself to someone who doesn’t give a fuck about you. Would you put yourself in that position? Many men do when they reach out to me and ask, “How can I get her back?”

It never pays to get back with an ex.

The Ex – What You Should Do

There’s a reason I’ve never gotten back with an ex.

And a reason you shouldn’t either.

When it doesn’t work, it doesn’t.

You can will your way to a good relationship with someone if there’s major issues with yourself. It never fails. We’ve been told as a society that another person is designed to “complete” you. And this line of thinking has destroyed many a relationship.

But men will bolt back to an unhealthy relationship because it’s all they think they can get, all they think they have, and when they lose it, it’s the only thing on their minds.

That’s why the most important thing you can do with an ex is NO CONTACT.

Bury the past or it will bury you.

You, as a man, have to have the self respect to accept the fact that you don’t need to get back with an ex, especially someone who was damaging to themselves and to you. I would say this to men who were the same way. Work on yourself before you go to date.

Be honest with who the hell you are, and be accepting in the fact that there are relationships that won’t work out. Those relationships are meant for you to learn from, not to try and salvage.

But you’ll keep going back to the battery, getting shocked so hard but saying to yourself, “It’s not that bad, at least I’m not alone.”

Being so terrified to be alone, to leave a person who is fucking horrible for you, someone who doesn’t give a flying fuck about you or your life when you break up. But yet, YOU WANT THEM BACK.

You cry and pine for someone, anyone, who actually is terrible for you and what you are doing.

So, go dark. Do not contact your ex. Don’t even try it. It just isn’t going to be good for you to go back to that. There’s a reason it didn’t work.

I tell men to give their ex static. A woman who knows she’s got your goat when it comes to contact will continue to twist the dagger in to you if you let her, so don’t let her. Block her number, remove her from all social media contacts, and push away from even the faintest chance that she can contact you. The biggest fail for guys and their exes is they let them back in, giving them leeway they wouldn’t give another woman they don’t know, because she’s had sex with him.

Guys will allow women to do some of the worst shit to them all in worship of the pussy. Guys don’t miss the girl, they miss the regular sex. If she’s a psycho, they’ll miss the regular awesome sex. But slashed tires, death threats and property damage from their exes don’t see to get through to the little head.

Treat your ex like you treat anything else bad that has happened to you. Shocked yourself doing electrical work? Don’t do that again. Got into a car accident because you weren’t paying attention? Should probably remember not to do that.

An ex is a lesson. A lesson on what not to do. Too often as men, we are bothered by making a mistake and admitting we made it. So we go back against our better judgement. Please stop. Don’t. She’s not worth the pain and misery you’ll be subjecting yourself to by turning to the past that hurt you.

There’s a reason I’ve never gone back to an ex.

And that should be your reason too.

The Three Month Itch

Photo Credit: Addictinginfo.com

My recent experiences in dating have been some of the most interesting times of my life. When you start to date around, you tend to see patterns that set up. Whether it be the type of women you date or other encompassing traits that show themselves during and after the relationships, you can gradually become more comfortable dating knowing what to expect.

I stopped online dating altogether, just because the women on there think they’re all goddesses and the men on there worship them thusly. It’s a popularity contest with no winners, but as I get more into shape, I will be conducting an experiment sooner rather than later on these sites.

So I go with what I’ve been doing, which I think is much better, that is meeting women through business meetings, networking, social circles, and the occasional approach success I’ve had, which are going to become the main tactic as I get better at game.

So the social circles I hang out in are a mix of conservative and liberal types, and but lately I’ve been noticing a pattern in what I’ve been attracting. The independent, liberal career woman. They have all lined up over the past 2 years, and what’s interesting is with every relationship, it has started with this type of woman.

Her average age is 37, she’s making 6 figures, she has a Master’s degree, and she’s at a pretty good place in her professional life. As a business owner, I’m a pretty good target for these types of women, especially if they think I’m a “beta bucks” guy. They are attractive, confident, and live alone or have 1 child at most.

They’re embroiled in a later epiphany phase, or the phase they’ve got to start provisioning for their beta bucks male so they can have kids, and are trying everything they can to avoid the wall, which has already taken it’s toll on them.

They’re trying to pump up their value, unable to compete with women 15 years younger, by focusing on their careers, and trying to offer other incentives to secure a man.

I compare the epiphany phase to a game of musical chairs. Women are trying to land the best “beta bucks” prospect they can after a live of “Sex in the City” living. They’re trying to find their Mr. Big before the music stops. They want to have kids, live a lavish life, and settle down, but still in master control of their and their man’s lives.

The “Sex in the City” Generation

Photo Credit: HBO

When Sex in the City came out in 1998 and continued into the late 2000’s, it glorified promiscuity to women. It told them that they could live life like a man, and sleep with multiple partners with no consequences, and they after they were done, they could provision the best man, have children, and live lavishly with the man of their dreams.

They were in charge of their lives, and men were secondary to a fulfilling career, and kids were an after thought until they were less sassy at 43 or older.

So they dive head first into their careers, careening down a path of sex with many men, short relationships with men who don’t “measure up” to the type of man they wish to control in their lives, and still hope to meet that “Mr. Big” someday.

But a funny thing happened along the way to this “pinnacle” of modern feminism.

They wanted a family. They wanted kids. They thought it would all work out. And then it doesn’t. So here they are, at advanced ages to have kids, pining for all the men that they thought didn’t measure up, who now have moved on with younger women. They have families, and these women have nothing but their careers.

She’s successful, independent, but alone. Because everything that lifestyle promised was a lie.

The Itch They Have to Scratch

So this brings me back to my recent relationships. They have a lot of things in common:

  • They all involved highly successful, educated, liberal women
  • The relationships all lasted approximately three months each
  • They involved a power struggle between the woman and myself
  • They tappered off the same ways, with lack of interest and disconnecting

I even got a chance to have exit interviews with three out of the 4 women, asking specific questions that they answered very honestly.

Their answers will surprise you:

  • They were sexually very satisfied 🙂 with me. Both claimed it was some of the best sex they’ve had.
  • They did not like my political leanings (conservative) and this was one of the reasons that one of the women stopped showing interest in me.
  • They pick the three month time period to give them an opportunity to see if I’m marriage or LTR material (beta bucks provisioning with submissive tendencies).
  • One said I was too alpha. She didn’t want me dictating the relationship, as she was in control of her life and child and wanted to fit a beta submissive into her life, which she promptly did.
  • They would rather have control, be with a person who trumpets their own values over his, and continue to hold out for their “one”.
  • Liberal women, especially professionals, still believe the Sex in the City myth.
  • These women still think they can compete and win with women younger than them, even though two of them lost boyfriends to those same women.

So one woman was very up front about the fact that she wanted to control the relationship. She wanted a “yes” man to support her, and at 41, still believed her child rearing years were 2-3 years away. She just had to find the “perfect” guy for her. Her Mr. Big.

The other, a woman I had dated just after my divorce, said I was too submissive. This was before my unplugging. She stated that I would never make plans, and she was the one that always had to come up with things to do.

But as I was unplugging, I’ve noticed that women don’t necessarily want the alpha (which two of the other girls made comments about), but they want the beta bucks badly, but only as a support to their own pseudo-alpha feminine agenda.

It’s an interesting dynamic that I’ve been very curious about, as I’ve had 4 relationships, all at 3 months, that mimicked each other, more so the last three than the first when I was not quite unplugged yet.

One of the women was even a self proclaimed feminist. And when asked if she’d ever consider settling down with a conservative man, she stated “not in her lifetime.”

The Music Will Stop

So now, we come to the conclusion of my unintended experiment. Where are they now?

Well, two of them are still single, entering their 40’s still pining for the perfect man who will save them.

The other two now have beta bucks boyfriends, guys who jump when they say jump, and are content in their chosen musical chair.

The music stopped for them, and they chose the best they could get.

The funny thing about all of this is I hold no ill will towards any of these women. I’m a bit disappointed that power, personalities, and politics play such an integral part of dating these days, and the bile and hatred for conservative men (who are the best lovers) is real.

These women would rather die alone than be subjected to anyone outside of their echo chamber. But this is a topic for another time.

In closing, it’s time for women to start understanding that if they truly want to live a fulfilling life, then Sex in the City is not the life to lead.

These women are having buyer’s remorse about the life they were sold, and as they continue, many childless, they lose more ground everyday to men who won’t subscribe to their politics or power structure, or men who are more interested in younger, more fertile women.

They continue to hope that someday, their “Mr. Big” will come into their lives, and tell them that all of this was worth it.

What they don’t understand, until it’s too late, is it’s not worth it.

The music has stopped, and they’re without a seat.