Bully

“Get up, porky.”

I was incoherent. But I’ll remember those three words for my whole life.

My head had just been smashed into a metal locker. And I was bleeding.

“I said, get up.”

I wasn’t getting up. I wasn’t even close to being able to. I was seeing little stars in my vision. I don’t know if I had a concussion, but damn, if this is what it felt like, I didn’t want one ever again.

I was just a 6th grader, packing my backpack in a crowded hallway with my locker open, minding my business, when I was pushed and my head smashed against my locker door.

I felt a kick to my side. It hadn’t been as painful as the head injury I had just sustained, but it knocked the breath out of me momentarily.

I lay there, crouched in a crowded hallway, as everyone walked past a dude kicking me. I remember much about this exchange, especially the people walking by. I fully realized that they weren’t gonna help me, because they wanted to see me get my ass throttled.

It was middle school. I was the fat kid with glasses. With daily comments about my man tits, my fat cheeks, my thick glasses, and my muffin top, it was only a matter of time before I was going to get my ass kicked and today, I was on the radar of the biggest bully in my grade.

So to say I wasn’t surprised when I was bleeding in the hallway that day was an understatement. To say I was surprised on how he got me was. He waited until I was on the floor digging into my locker to push me into the door. Then he started kicking me when I was down. But that’s how bullies work. I did the hard work for him so all he had to do was take advantage. Before he could get another kick in, a teacher stopped him. But it was of little comfort to me at the time.

And while this horrific day still rings true in my head, I’m glad he did what he did.

Because some 4 years later, I grew to 6’4″ 210lbs. I had been bullied all throughout my middle school and early high school years. But one day, it stopped.

Not because I hadn’t gotten any less nerdy, but because I had gotten bullied enough that I had nothing left to lose, and I made sure every person that had bullied me understood that.

But here’s the thing. This blog post is not intended to gain sympathy for me in my awkward and sometimes downright shitty adolescence.

It’s sole purpose is to show why society needs a bully, and why when you’ve had enough, still the best time honored situation to dealing with a bully is to punch him back in his fucking mouth.

The Need For The Bully

Bullies have been around since the dawn of humanity. There was always someone bigger, meaner, and more ruthless to take your shit from you. And as we have evolved into a more civilized species, bullying has taken on other forms. Some 30 plus years ago, when my middle school days were littered with inevitable pointing, laughing, beatings, jokes, comments and other not so pleasant actions taken in order to douse me in shame, nowadays it’s more of the cyber kind, with the same types of insults being hurled through the computer screen as opposed to the hallways.

The need for physical violence to take on the bully went from fists to guns during Columbine. A terrible tragedy of two boys who didn’t have proper parenting and who decided to murder the bully, a cost that is still felt today as we see school shootings happening.

But instead of empowering the meek to go after the bully in more constructive ways, we empowered the State to sanitize the system so that there were no bullies or bullied, but the socialism of the school, where there is no empowerment, only ceilings.

So began the War on the Bully.

There was a huge movement in the early 2000’s that has culminated today with the attack by society on bullies of every type. The now systematized shame towards the bully has not curtailed the bullying, it has simply put the bully pulpit in the hands of our illustrious elected leaders, teachers, administrators, and other adults who make decisions to protect everyone, even when those decisions affect everyone negatively.

“We must protect our children from bullies” has become the rallying cry for parents who refuse to teach and parent their kids about the importance of the reaction to bullies being an important part of mitigating them.

I believe fathers have truly dropped the ball in teaching their kids about focusing anger towards positive activities.

As we moved through the past three decades, I have seen on alarming issue that continues to come up and that is that parents have willingly given up the raising of their kids to the State. With all of these cultural movements throughout the 60’s to the 90’s, the State has subverted the family structure, becoming the de facto bully in all of this.

In short, the bullies have become the bullied. And the new bullies have men with guns.

When I was bullied, as many children were, my mother tried to reason with school administrators and teachers that her son was being bullied. All this did was make the bullying increase, for I was the kid who’s mom tattled on the offenders. My father gave better advice. “Punch them in the mouth.”

So I did. Even if it wasn’t literal. I stopped taking shit from the bullies. I stepped up and either physically or verbally jabbed them when they came close. I wasn’t going to fuck around anymore.

Why Columbine was important was it showed that how kids were dealing with bullies, and how parents weren’t helping their kids, in a violent manner was not the answer that these kids were looking for. But without guidance for anger and frustration, all it did was boil over into violence on a large scale.

Killing the bully does nothing and has tragic consequences. Beating up the bully, gaining psychological advantage over him, is where the kids need to be directed. The bully provides a challenge to the child. A challenge of either beating them physically, or like I did, beat them out verbally and mentally. And when a child is challenged and they overcome the challenge, it’s a lesson well learned.

Taking the Power Back

Some of the best lessons I’ve learned are when I was getting my ass kicked.

I know of no person who didn’t have these sentiments that didn’t turn out to be a stronger individual after they got bullied.

It is empowerment to fight back and beat up the bully.

When we give kids real world challenges to overcome, as in life when they become an adult, something clicks. They understand through the harsh lessons that this is how to overcome and grow in life.

The problems with this is that parents stopped caring, and gave overreaching authority to teachers to try and be surrogate parents. I saw it in my days in my child’s PTA, when parents don’t care, kids have no where to turn but to teachers, who have no time for the kids because there are so many. So it’s left to school counselors, administrators, and other authority figures to try and reign in all of this, and they’re overwhelmed.

All because parents dropped the ball. As with the teacher who finally stopped the beating, they can’t expect to be parents at school with no parents working for the kids at home.

But it starts with the parents teaching their kids about overcoming challenges on their own with help from those that love them.

I didn’t start learning to ride my bike until my parents made me get on a bike and start peddling. I hit a mailbox and was broken and bruised, but I learned to ride a bike and I was off to the races for most of my childhood.

I didn’t learn to fight back until I fought back, with my parents watching me do it, and empowered myself to take control of a situation with an assertive move.

The world needs bullies. But more importantly, the world needs men and women to teach people that being bullied is not an excuse to act the victim, but a reason for action against an oppressive force.

If a child can’t stand up for themselves as a kid, they won’t stand up for themselves as an adult.

The pain of being bullied is gone when you fight back. I don’t feel sorry for myself for being bullied. In fact, it was a necessary evolution in the man I’ve become today. And I fought back against the very forces that we are trying to destroy.

We don’t want to remove a challenge from someone’s life just because it’s hard to overcome. We have to stop trying to save everyone and instead, give them a reason to FIGHT in life.

I see many people who’ve lost limbs in war, who’ve had diseases or defects overcome incredible odds to do amazing things. And that’s what puts the human in humanity. Overcoming difficulties, punching them in the face, and not wrapping the world in bubble wrap to protect.

People all need these challenges, but more importantly, they need parents who show them these lessons and let them fail.

It’s the only way to get stronger.

The bullies stopped as soon as I fought back. And fought back I did. I wasn’t bullied again.

The magic recipe? A commitment to yourself and to not being a victim.

It’s the way you grow to become a person who doesn’t take any shit.

And I think we need a society with more of those types of people.

Adversity is a necessity in life. And nothing is more adverse than a bully who you need to punch in the mouth.

Overcome and adapt.

Intent to Silence

Photo Credit: medium.com

When you are in my line of blogging, writing, Youtubing, and podcasting, you tend to get a lot of flak from those that disagree with you. I am proud to say feminists don’t like me very much, because until 4 years ago, I didn’t have my head on straight on what I truly believed about the feminism movement and femininity in general.

But as I’ve evolved into this man you see today, still learning, still writing, working on a book, launched a new show on Youtube, and working on my podcast again, my views have always been called “misogynistic” by many feminists. Read my stuff. I’m critical of women, liberals and feminists in particular, but my views on women are generally that I love them and that feminism is a false god that has led them from looking for equality (which is just) to looking for revenge and power (which is happening).

While we disagree on many things, I still have every right to write what I think with discourse and debate welcome and insults and shaming being blockable offenses.

Listen, just because I paint certain segments of the female population in a negative light doesn’t mean I’m misogynistic. Everyone is ripe for criticism, me included. I stand by my writings as what I believe and if you don’t like it, there’s the door.

However, modern feminism is more interested in silencing those that disagree with them than openly debating ideas and issues. It’s not enough to agree to disagree, tip your cap, and move on your merry way. No, this person is wrong and they have to be made an example of.

No where is this more visible than with what happened with Jack Murphy.

Go to his Twitter page and read his pinned tweet. It will terrify you.

When the mob comes for you, it comes for you good and hard. You’ll lose family, friends, jobs, and relationships because you dared to write something you believe, much less something that is controversial.

But there will be no debate. The mob speaks and it speaks quickly and with brutal effectiveness. If you are seen as a person who’s views are “questionable”, be assured they will come for you.

That continues to be the problem today and will be the problem for the foreseeable future.

And this has come full circle with a little stunt an unknown woman pulled with me in a personal Facebook group.

Be Quiet or Be Ruined

When you are on this side of the debate, many, many men are changing names, choosing anonymity for having the temerity to express their opinions that may go against the grain. It is a constant worry, that actually expressing your views will get you fired from your job, removed from any activities, losing family and friends because you have an opinion that isn’t necessarily popular.

Look at Jack Murphy, Brett Kavanaugh, and the hundreds of other men who’s lives have been ruined because of false accusations and speaking for what they believe in. You never know when you might piss off the wrong people for saying what you think, resulting in your boss getting wind of your social media, and then the pitchforks and torches come out big time.

On another innocuous Monday night, I had recently tagged a bunch of my female mother friends in a Facebook post wishing them all a Happy Mother’s Day. I do this every year, as I recognize the importance of mothers to all of our lives and it was done again this year with little regard to what Pandora’s box I had just opened.

As I sat with my daughter doing homework, I got a notification with an unknown woman who had posted in my tagged group post with a link to my blog post about “The Single Mom Dating Dilemma”, which was a post in which I discuss my dating situation and try to debunk the manosphere issues with many single mothers, while pointing out that some of what is said is the truth. But the bottom line of that who article is women who take responsibility for bad choices in their lives (hell, ANYONE who does) tend to make better dating prospects because they own their lives, no questions asked. And I lavish praise on those women, with several women I’ve dated and countless family members who I admire and respect as strong, independent women who have succeeded in their lives. And yes, I do discuss my general disdain for the feminism movement that wants to “empower” women by trashing men and as usual, I call out my normal boogeymen of victimhood mentality, lack of personal responsibility, and the entitlement ruse that modern feminism uses as its “modus operandi.”

As always, this is where my blog focuses on. It’s nothing new to my 10k plus subs, but as it hits new audiences, it’s going to be challenged. And I welcome open debate on my conversations…but as we know, many toxic feminists aren’t interested in debate. They’d rather attempt to “expose” you and shame you into silence. And that’s just what happened.

So there it was, let’s call this woman….hmmmm, “Karen”. A woman I didn’t know, but a woman who was friends with a past acquaintance of mine I had dated briefly whom I happened to have tagged in the post because she’s a good mom. We disagreed on politics (she absolutely hates Trump) and left it at that. She ghosted me but we still were friends on Facebook.

So, Karen had a pithy comment saying that how I “really” feel about moms was in my blog post, especially single moms, in an attempt to shame me in front of my closest female friends and family. She then linked my blog post “The American Woman”, describing the total dumpster fire of Tinder and where many modern American liberal women have been lied to and lost their way. None of this is particularly salacious, I’m merely stating what I believe with the sense of entitlement that many women (and men for that matter) have developed with the “participation trophy” society I so desperately want to get away from.

What the hell was she trying to do?

Well, she was trying to shame me into silence. By “sticking it to the man” by posting my blog posts (which a majority of my friends and family know about, and either agree or disagree with) she was trying to “expose” me to my friends and family as a “misogynist” for posting such “horrible” things about women. I’m merely reporting what I believe and what I see, which is holding women accountable for their actions as well as men.

After my back and forth banter with “Karen”, a friend of mine recommended I block her, which I did, after many confused messages about what was going on. Karen had took it upon herself to enact justice on behalf of all women everywhere by trying to put the “toxic” male in his place because he happened to have a different opinion that she did.

Once again, modern femininity isn’t concerned about healthy discourse as it is with trying to silence and shame those who disagree with it. And once again, it shows the need for everyone to stand up for what they believe in, regardless of what people might think.

And that’s exactly what “Karen” was after here. Shame me in front of women whom just a day earlier I had wished a happy Mother’s day (including my own mother and sister) in order to show all the women of my life what a horrible man I was because I choose to voice my opinion which isn’t in lock step with what modern feminism deems appropriate.

So, for the people that don’t know what I do, here’s your introduction to my opinion. Take it or leave it, but be better and agree to disagree, rather than try to destroy or silence someone you disagree with. With the advent of social media, people have HAD to go anonymous because they believe certain things and are shamed, shunned, and destroyed by those who have an ax to grind against them.

Trying to silence those who you disagree with only does one thing. It makes them come back stronger and more polarized that if you had tried to discuss your side of things in an constructive manner. But everyone wants to be an outrage broker.

This has only polarized us further. And as with other hot button topics like feminism (fat acceptance, toxic masculinity, politics) the more controversial, the more eggshells and the more sitting on your hands. You have every right to disagree with me, as do I with you, but can we do it respectfully and openly, instead of treating every opinion like a lit stick of dynamite that will blow families, friends, and societies apart because we can’t have the difficult conversations that need to be had.

Bottom Lines

Do I come across as rough and direct? Sure, but that’s my right. We don’t live in China (yet) but we are starting to trend that way.

I respect your opinion even if I disagree with it. I believe you should do the same. I should never have to apologize for my convictions and beliefs just because they rub you the wrong way. And I should never have to pay for my opinion with my job, my life, my kids, or my freedom because I said something you don’t like. Last time I checked, this was still America.

So here you go. Here is what I believe:

  • I voted for Donald Trump and I will again
  • I am a conservative and I believe in small government
  • I disagree with Trump on many things, mainly his Twitter foolishness
  • I believe all mainstream media from FOX to CBS has been corrupted with FAKE news
  • I believe that obesity is a national epidemic and we all need to get into shape for our best lives
  • I believe in equality of both sexes, but that each sex brings strengths to a relationship
  • I believe in two genders
  • I believe and support gay marriage
  • I believe that taxation is theft
  • I believe that modern feminism is damaging women and it is trying to change men
  • I decry the term “Toxic Masculinity”
  • I support public schools but they need to teach without an agenda
  • I don’t go to church and I am agnostic, but I respect all religions and your beliefs as long as you respect mine
  • Religion and I don’t necessarily get along, it has the same trappings as government as a form of absolute worship versus an open mind
  • I believe masculinity and femininity are both amazing things that people should respect and nurture, versus trying to change
  • I don’t drink anymore, but I respect your right to do so
  • I believe a strong father is required to have well rounded kids
  • I don’t believe in entitlement, but I do believe that everyone needs help and has dark times they need to get through
  • Systematic racism still exists, as does white privilege
  • I absolutely love women and all they are
  • I believe biology trumps everything else

So, all I ask is that you respect my opinion. I am still learning every day and my opinions often change, and I am always up for hearing a side of something I didn’t hear. But EVERYONE must bring the respect. If you don’t respect me, I highly doubt I will respect you back.

I have every right to my opinions and shouldn’t have to cower because it doesn’t fit with the “Right think” narrative that many men who’ve had their lives destroyed are still fighting to this day.

If I lose followers, friends, or family by writing this, so be it. It gets tiresome to try and dance around feelings, all while trying to keep the peace because of intolerance of opinion. And I’m sure I will be pigeon-holed as a misogynist, right wing whack job, etc, but that’s on you. You’re labeling me in the same way you shame others for labeling you.

There it is. This is me.

Take it or leave it, but I’m not going to let my opinions be silenced because you don’t agree with them.

I won’t be bullied.

Beckett Drives # 13 – Online Safety and Responsible Social Media Use for Kids

As a father, I have a responsibility to protect my kids, not only in life, but online.

Monitoring and checking on their computer and social media use is an important part of any parent’s job to raise a child.

Don’t let your kids get involved in social media unless they know how to use it responsibly.

And always monitor what they’re doing online, because bad things happen, and the more you know what your kids are up to, the better position you’ll be to address these issues.