“That is the way it is, we always fall in love because of a detail, a nuance. It is a marker we set up for ourselves in the midst of the confusion, in the infinite space of love. The greatest passions come from such little causes.”
― Georges Rodenbach, The Bells of Bruges
Wanna see how far we’ve fallen in the dating world? Simply look at online dating. It’s turned into a meat market with hookups as the end game for most people.
Here we see, many hopeless individuals, moving from encounter to encounter, thinking the next one will be the one they will finally be with. Like an episode of Quantum Leap, they keep jumping from person to person, life to life, in hopes they’ll finally be able to say they can “settle down” and stop the merry-go-round.
The dinners, movies, activities that involve a quick interrogation, then potential sex if everyone is game, then ghosting after the sex wasn’t that good, the conversation dried up, the meaning, the skies parting, the light beaming down, all of it doesn’t happen.
And the trudging to the next good thing happens. And most of the time, it doesn’t happen.
Like a horrible game of musical chairs where the seats are covered in rusty nails, they force themselves to sit down because it’s better than not having a chair.
Technology has eliminated the whole point of dating, the dance. The push and pull, the subtlety, the slow burn that makes the sex, the climax, the anticipation of being with someone who’s weaved themselves into your mind.
The world is now about notches, being hot, and having as much sex as you can with no end in sight. And after 20 years of this, women and men, are still no closer to finding the person they want, because they pissed their chances away with a clear lack of dating direction.
“Dating is Hell”
Show me a person who hates to date, and I’ll show you someone who has never been on a REAL date. The nuance, the mystery, the dance has been removed for convenience’s sake, and the dating market has struggled with this very recently. With hook up apps, the dance of dating, the lost art of carrying a conversation, the subtlety of words and meanings meant to do a slow burn and build sexual tension has been replaced with swipe left or right, quick bios, and hit it and quit it.
Pick Up Artistry, which for years was a skill that few possessed but was honed and sharpened by constantly going up to people in public and talking to them, body language mastery, etc, has been replaced by the crapshoot shit show of technological convenience.
In short, everyone has stopped trying. Their physical appearance, their mental approach, their attitudes reflect people that don’t seem to care about meeting others. They put as little effort into themselves as they can, then write a glowing bio on a dating site and use filters to make themselves appear less unattractive, hoping that the person that swipes right for them is also just as uncaring about their own life, and they just fall in together in a depression laden relationship where they both get tired and one or both eventually cheat.
Depressing as fuck, isn’t it?
Because the end game is the relationship.
In the case of dating and interpersonal communications, it was never about the end game, the destination. The relationship was a goal, but you never stopped gaming your significant other. Now, people go through the hell of dating in order to get to the greater hell of a relationship with someone they have no business being with.
So with the glowing reviews of dating as being an introvert’s worst nightmare, and everyone claiming to be introverted, then FINALLY getting through it to be with SOMEONE, ANYONE, they have given up on something in life that should really be fulfilling, fun, and worthwhile.
No one wants to do the work it takes to be a good date anymore. No one wants to put in the time to focus on themselves, on being attractive, on being high quality, because they’d rather piss and moan and swipe, swipe, swipe. Because in the dating lottery, no one gets lucky, they just get frustrated, and they can’t see that they’re doing to themselves.
But also, the act, the dance, has been lost in all of this. COVID didn’t kill personal interactions, it only exposed what we’ve already known. No one wants to do the work, engage in the dating world, and have fun meeting new people.
If they treat it like a chore, then it is one.
Conversation, words, nuance, body language, building intimacy, polarity, and tension in your interactions.
There’s a reason a woman touches her lip when she talks to you, sees you, and fantasizes about you. Because you have “primed the pump” so to speak with a mystery, an aloofness that only she can see.
The roles aren’t there, the masculine dances and leads the feminine, but now, everyone wants to get fucked.
It’s a mindless, soulless diversion that while can be fun, is generally not as fulfilling as dating and building that tension in a social setting.
The lost arts of interaction have taken their tolls on the dating world, only to be lost to the world, and seeing only the manosphere take up the banner on bringing it back. We need to continue to champion game, because it’s an important aspect in the dance of attraction.
But the dance scares men. Because it involves them being able to confidently interact with a woman. You must enchant her, you must be a mystery, you must build that tension, and men don’t know shit about how to do that. So they swipe, swipe, swipe.
This is why I will always be a proponent of game. The rise of petrified fear of rejection, lack of confidence, technological ease, and reduction of the societal importance of social gatherings continues to hound the dating world and we’re seeing the effects first hand. You build the attraction. You have to master key interactions with women.
Body language mastery.
All of this is the dance.
The keys to seducing and building tension. Women love it, they just don’t say it out loud. They appreciate a man who works to keep her engaged, playfully using words, implying sexual nuance in daily conversations, and putting small, seductive thoughts in her head.
What men don’t realize is that you can utilize modern dating tech to enhance this ability, but we seldom do that.
Dating technology makes us lazy.
This is why the concepts that the manosphere teaches will never go out of style, regardless of how much technology tries to cancel it out.
The art of the dance, the tension built, the ebb and flow of flirtation, the push, and pull of the interaction, the game, will never go away.
Social interaction will always be an important skill that men need to continue to work on mastering. Your job is to build it and she will cum.
You lead the dance.
Women want to be taken, claimed. They want passion.
Women want to be seduced.
They want a man to make them dream of him and what he’s capable of.
They want a man to use her emotions to make her excited.
She wants exciting.
She wants you to assert your masculinity over her. Engulf her in it. Because she knows your strength. She knows your motives and lets herself go. She wants to fall for you and she wants you to catch her.
As I’ve documented on many occasions in my blog, countless Twitter feeds, and in my videos, I used to be absolutely terrible with women.
I lost my virginity at 27, I had three girlfriends in high school and college who I never kissed, and the only sexual experience I had before 27 was a bad blowjob in college.
I was so petrified of women (and people in general), I locked myself in my dorm room freshman year of college, only smoking pot with my closest friends and not even going to eat in the cafeteria.
I would clam up, become stiff, make dumb statements (oh look a pooper scooper!!), or just said some general statement that wouldn’t do anything except cause her to look at me in disbelief (or disgust at times).
As I’ve documented, I was the quintessential beta with many of the hangups men today still have. Socially I was retarded. I was awkward with all types of people, and I would not talk to women if I could avoid it.
I developed oneitis for several girls as I grew up and I tried to get them to like me by being the “nice guy”. I failed. Miserably.
Lack of approach, no confidence, social anxiety, as well as fears of about every aspect of personal communication kept me single and a virgin for a time when I should have been laying everything with a pulse.
But, alone I sat, for years, until 2003, when finally, mercifully, I started to get out more, get some hobbies, work out, and then I met my future wife on eHarmony. That was the wall I crashed into.
She loved that I was a virgin. She wanted to “teach” me how to please her. I was a weak, ball-less fuck. I did what I was supposed to do. Name, rank, serial number for 10 years. And it resulted in sex three times in three years at the end of the marriage.
After divorce, I got better with women, only because during my depression, brokeness, and utter discontent with my life, women seemed to come out of the woodwork, as they always do. So by natural progression, I got better with women because they were around more. But I still had a ways to go and had to learn more.
Over the next two years, I got into several relationships where I let the woman lead, all of them ending in a breakup. Liberal women who were desperate to control their relationships are who I fell in with. As you can guess, it didn’t go well. Sex was robotic, I didn’t take control, I kept asking permission, asking “does this feel good?”
It was an unmitigated disaster 4 times over.
Then, I found the red pill. I decided to go to the “monk” mode or MGTOW (men going their own way) phase. I studied, read, and worked on myself at the gym. I lost 70 lbs. I fought to discover who the hell I was.
This intensive period that I needed, in turn, gave me success in my life in other ways.
It really isn’t a secret, either. There’s no magic bullet, no expensive course or book, so I’ll share it with you today, free of charge.
So, how the hell did I get over my fears of dealing with women?
Here it is, the definitive guide to everything female from a man who has lived it.
These are the things I’ve learned after what I was told was complete and utter bullshit.
These are the myths that were concocted to throw men off of what women really want, how they really think, and why it’s important.
I know the secrets now. Hint: They aren’t really secrets, they’re well known, common knowledge that don’t need financing to know.
Sure, you’ll get the women who are NAWALTS (Not all women are like that) professing their mistrust in the information I present here today, but the bottom line is this:
A vast majority of women (meaning all) have the same reproductive organs, mindset, and emotional software installed by whoever you want, God, evolution, the boogeyman, or Santa Claus, it’s all still the same because in the end, NOTHING trumps biology.
Yes, it’s the same for men. We scream that it’s not about sex, but guess what, it IS about sex. It’s always about sex. ALWAYS.
Here’s some quick and dirty tips from yours truly. Many will say they aren’t true, especially women, but I know one thing with my experience. I know women. And what you’ve been told is not correct.
Here’s the list of all the cliche manosphere stuff that I learned. Why post it? Because every last part of it is true.
Here you go:
Get thee to the gym
The first thing I recommend guys do is get into shape. It cures so many ills in regards to life in general, and women specifically, that it is the first thing I recommend. Get to work, get your diet right, and start looking the part. It’s the crucial first step in a man retaking control of his life.
You have to establish a line that no one can cross when it comes to your personal convictions and beliefs. If you are conservative, don’t date liberals, if you are religious, don’t date an atheist. If you don’t like sushi, don’t take your date to a sushi restaurant. Hold fast on the stuff that’s important to you, and don’t compromise for any reason.
You have to have confidence
Building confidence in yourself is the KEY to all of this. You have to be successful in your life in some way to gain confidence. So, I’d recommend getting to the gym, getting involved in some sport, activity, or hobby and get good at it. When you develop your skills and gain confidence when you are successful, you have a blueprint from which to build more.
You have to do MGTOW or monk mode for a while
And with that, you have to take the time to develop these skills. You need to make time for yourself. You need to put you first, pull no punches with your time, and get better everyday. 6 months is a good period, but depending on how much you have to do, you will need all the time in the world.
And yes, you still have to show up and do the work.
You’ll never be done
The work will be a lifelong commitment. You have to put real work into yourself every day. You have to be mindful to making yourself better. You aren’t just done and then you talk to women. You progress doing both. And you learn from it.
Rejection is required
Everyone hates rejection, but men especially do because, especially with a woman, it’s a personal dismissal for something you are presenting. Of course it’s going to burn, because it IS personal. My first rejection was a woman saying she wouldn’t date a fat guy. That hurt, but I took that rejection and put it towards bettering myself. You are going to get rejected. Tear the bandage off and get it over with, then do it again.
She doesn’t care
Regardless of what your hangups, complaints, life issues, or insecurities are, she doesn’t care. She has no motivation to bring you into her life if you are a rebuild or a project. She’s looking for a man who’s sure of himself, put together well, and won’t apologize for living his life his way.
Your self interest is most important
You have to put yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and if you have yourself put together, you only add value to those around you. A solid foundation is what you are, and the bigger and more sturdy the foundation, the better and bigger the building.
You HAVE TO APPROACH her
You can’t get around rejection and you certainly can’t get around having to pursue and approach a woman. If you find her attractive, you must tell her that and make your intentions known. And you must be prepared for any answer she gives. “Yes?” Play ball. “No?” Walk and go to another girl.
Boldness goes a long way.
Yes, it’s the #MeToo era, but being bold, especially with women who are in a social setting is a lost art. You must state your intentions clearly and boldly, damn the consequences. You don’t get anywhere without taking a risk, and the higher the risk, the greater the reward. But you have to put your ass on the line for her, she’ll respect you a ton more if you are honest and open in your interactions with her. YOU SET THE TONE.
Women will say I don’t understand them, but I do, better than they understand themselves. Remember, women are chaos. Women are emotional creatures who don’t respond to logic as much as they respond to feelings, settings, and imagination. You have to use her imagination in conjunction with your skill. Understand what gets her going. What gets her going is a man who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to be bold to take it. She LOVES a man who takes control.
Remember, men lead with action. Women follow with support, love, and spirit.
Body language is key
Not only do you have to make sure your body language is on point (chest out, speak clearly and forcefully, smile, eye contact), but you must also watch hers. She will show you if she’s into you by coming close to you, smiling back, mirroring your actions, and really reactive to your moves. More experience with women will yield this understanding on when she likes something and when she doesn’t.
Avoid Online Dating
Many men will instantly go for the online route because it’s easy and doesn’t require a lot of heavy lifting. But, remember this fact, online dating, for the majority of people, is a raging dumpster fire. Damaged, hurt people on there looking to get their kicks without even working on themselves. It’s the trash bin of dating and shouldn’t be used.
You are the prize
We’ve seen hundreds of guys in the sphere talk about it, but it really is true. When it all boils down to it, you can’t move forward in your life until you realize that your presence sets the tone. You are the focal point of your life with special emphasis on choosing the correct person to share it with. You have an obligation to choose what you feel is best for your life. Selfish? Sure. Required? Absolutely.
You have to have some semblance of style
You have to put forth effort in your wardrobe. Like every other part of your life, you have to dress for success and wearing old, crappy clothes as a part of your wardrobe doesn’t help you get anywhere but where you are.
They do. You have to look your best. You have to brush your damn teeth, shower, manscape, and take care of yourself. Women will appreciate it and you’ll appreciate yourself more. The most important aspect of confidence is putting up the goods when it comes time to.
Social skills (game) trump all other things
You have to learn solid, lifelong social skills with men to make friends and with women to have sex/relationships. This not only ups your networking, and career success, but you become more comfortable with people and can do more things in your life. Your height, money, or disposition don’t mean anything if you can’t get out there and operate among others.
Thirst is not your friend
Men allow their sexual appetites to get the best of them. The little man drives the big man and it can result in disastrous, life altering issues that will affect the man for the rest of his life. When a man learns to not only control his urges, dropping porn, upping his game, using condoms regularly, he protects himself from these possibilities. He also has an amazing amount of self respect to protect himself from these issues. The world’s not going to change, so the man must operate as if he’s in complete control of everything he can control, including his thirst.
Look, men want to have sex with women. It’s in our blood. But you can protect yourself and choose where you stick your dingus. Be smart about who you sleep with, we don’t need anymore single moms.
The Secret of Women
So what are the secrets of women?
What have I learned that I didn’t know before?
Learn to operate on a sexual level
Men and women are sexual beings, bottom line. If you don’t ask for the business and show your intentions to her, it doesn’t matter. I always thought it was wrong to tell a woman you wanted to have sex with her.
When you ACT like a man in front of a woman, she absolutely wants that. She wants you to take her, she wants you to be forward and confident.
Women don’t like begging, sniveling, men who have to ask permission for everything. They want you to lead.
Women are emotional
Emotions are a woman’s realm. When you appeal to her with a vivid imagination and unreal confidence, she absolutely loves it. She needs to feel, whereas men need to use logic and solve problems. When you treat her like a man (i.e. try to solve her problems), she’ll resent you. She doesn’t want you to solve her problems, she wants you to reflect her and feel her emotions with her. Being present, more than anything else, helps her to work through any emotions that she has. And when she sees you’re a rock to her, she can trust that you will listen to her while working to understand her.
Women are pragmatic, men are romantic
Women, when it comes down to it, are pragmatic. If they see that things aren’t going to end well, they will jump ship to make their way to another option. If you die, they’ll move on. If you sink, they’ll swim elsewhere. They see the writing on the wall in their commitment, they will make sure to find the door. ‘Til death do us part only applies if the man is showing promise, and yes, even if he’s at rock bottom, she can tell if he’s a high quality dude.
Women want security and to know they’ll be protected
Men do just these things. If you fall asleep at the wheel, do be surprised if she finds another man’s car or jumps out of yours. You HAVE to provide the rock she ties herself to. You run the show, she knows that you do. If you falter in any aspect of your masculine duties, she’ll know, and her respect for you will dwindle. She’s hooked her anchor to you so you’d better be ready to perform for her and make sure she and your tribe stay safe.
She wants your pleasure
Men think they have to pull out all the stops to pleasure her in bed. You don’t. She gets off on your pleasure. She wants to see you orgasm and wants to please you. That’s the biggest thing standing between guys and their happiness in sex. You need to get yours and she’ll get hers too. You can’t neglect yourself in the quest to make her happy because she start to resent you.
Be proactive instead of reactive
Women want a man with a plan, regardless of what happens. When the shit hits, she wants to know that the issues are handled. If they aren’t and she has to be involved, it takes away from your lead. You can’t be desperate, consistently show emotions that are detrimental to her respect for you, and argue with her. She doesn’t want to argue with you to win the fight, she wants to argue with you to show her you care.
I’ve learned a ton about these subjects, but I still have more to digest. But today, nearly 21 years after my entrance into the world of dating and women, I finally have some direction and some competency with women.
The one thing that has permeated all of this new found confidence is the fact that not only do I take responsibility for my life, but I push my life in new directions because of how I interact with women. My give a damn is broken when it comes to women and if they are truly going to be in my life, they have to make the effort. Before, I thought I had to do everything to make sure that they’d like me. Being a people pleaser brings you dry panties every day.
I hope to continue to help men realize what I have in my life. They need to take control and drive their lives. It’s helpful to have these quick tips to get a man in the direction he needs to head.
One thing I’ve always said is that if I hadn’t taken action in my life, I’d imagine I’d still be in a loveless marriage, celebrating 15 years of little sex, motionless and lifeless stability, and lack of a direction. I didn’t want a life like that, I wanted a life on my terms, and many men are starting to awaken to the fact that they want that same thing too.
But in search of that, you have to be willing to be uncompromising on certain principles in your life. You have to be willing to walk.
But you must also be willing to stand a post. You are never done. You sleep when you’re dead, and many men don’t want to accept that harsh truth.
It’s time to understand these realizations and spread the word to other men lost in the world. They need to know these things, and my job is to make sure they do until my last breath.
So, you’ve decided to go to a new church. You’ve heard great things about it. Your friends are raving about the spiritual content, the great speakers, the fantastic music, and the real down home community feel.
It’s a startup church, just working on building it’s flock. How are they going to persuade you to come to their church? They don’t have the main church built yet, so they’re having to use a school auditorium for Sunday service, but the people are great, and they really focus on positive aspects of the religion they believe in. But they have other great aspects that they showcase. A great priest and message, good music, a welcoming environment, and other bonuses make this church one of the best up and coming places to worship.
So why go? You’re curious. You want to see more. You want to explore and know why and how they praise their God. You want to see if you have things in common with the congregation. You want to feel comfortable with as much as you can before you commit. You won’t give money to an organization you don’t trust. So you try to do as much homework as you can to make sure you make the right choice.
So with this in mind, think about sales in general. How is this church going to continue to exist? With money. With donations. With a flock. They have to get butts in the pews or they’ll fold. So they have to give you options and attractive things to want to donate to. This isn’t manipulation, it’s the church knowing human nature and how to sell. If they do well, they’ll survive and thrive. If they don’t, it’s closing the doors.
When a life coach sells you on a positive mind set training book, or a psychic sells you on being able to talk to spirits, or Taco Bell sells you on a taco shell made out of a Dorito, you are being presented with a choice to partake in said activity for money, or not. You can easily walk out and go somewhere else. But at that moment, you have a choice. Now, many of these sales people will try to sweeten the deal by studying how humans generally react to certain sales tactics, or they’ll practice other tricks of the trade to try to close the sale. And many will fail, but some do better than others. Why?
Simple. They’ve studied human nature. Advertisers spent decades not only perfecting their product, but also making you want it. Not because they’re manipulating you, but because they just play the game better than others do. They know the rules and they push every avenue to win over their client base from the competition.
This isn’t using cheat codes, this is just someone who’s practiced, understands reactions, and knows how to sell his product. You just have to be smart enough to see through the bullshit.
Lately, there has been a misnomer to game and PUA (pick up artistry) that it’s manipulation, pure and simple. However, it isn’t. It never has been.
“Coffee’s For Closers”
Pickup / Game started when a bunch of dorks, geeks, nerds, and sexually irrelevant men decided that hypergamy and female sexual empowerment wasn’t going to leave them out in the cold. They wanted sex with hot girls (as most men want) and they weren’t going to let their limitations hold them back. So they studied. And they practiced. And they used canned lines to elicit emotional reactions from females. They were shot down, but more and more, as they got better at their craft. They learned about human nature, learned about advertising their strengths and masking their weaknesses. They got so good they would go to great lengths to sell themselves. Mystery, quite possibly the greatest PUA of all time, used to dress in high platform heels, black everything, black top hat, black fingernail polish. No woman in a million years would go to bed with him, right?
Wrong. He made the case that PUA is sales, pure and simple. Many women bought and bought often. Many did not. But one thing’s for sure, women who slept with him didn’t have buyer’s remorse. They WANTED to sleep with him, they wanted what he was selling, and they lined up for it. They were unapologetic about it, even going so far as to share him with other women. Why? He was selling a good product.
In my excellent article “The Sexual Arms Race“, I talk about what men had to do to respond to female sexual empowerment and hypergamy being let off the leash in the 60’s and 70′. They had to adapt. There were many men who were going to be left out in the cold when it came to having sex with beautiful women, so (and some PUA’s from back then should today be considered autistic) nerds, dweebs and geeks analytically attacked a problem and studied it. And the sale they came up with was better than guys who had been naturally better with women by a country mile. They tapped into human nature and studied, practiced getting shot down but building their confidence, and at the pinnacle of their success, would snatch girls away from men who were considered higher value or even celebrity.
Did these men plant key phrases in these women to get them to do things? Did they hypnotize them and make them go against their will? Did they trick them into sleeping with them?
Hardly. They merely practiced and learned to play the game better than their competition. And women were buying. Many women.
Making The Sale
“What differentiates sellers today is their ability to bring fresh ideas.” -Jill Konrath
Back in the early parts of this century, PUA was gaining a foothold because guys were trying sales tactics that no one had ever thought of trying. Sales, in all of it’s intricacies, is at it’s heart about persistence. You have to keep getting up and going out there, believing in you, your product, and your company. You’re not going to reach anyone if you don’t get in front of them.
This is the absolute heart and soul of game and PUA teaching. The whole idea of canned lines, routines, and other tactics was to get you in front of women, get you confident in yourself in those women, and get you confident in the product that was you. That’s it. It wasn’t some elaborate scheme to trick someone into sleeping with you, nor was it a pyramid scheme to steal anything from anyone.
It was just a bunch of guys wanted to get laid by pretty girls.
They made the sale in their own ways. Mystery and Style (Neil Strauss) used pea-cocking. Ross Jefferies used speed seduction. Tyler Durden and the gang used Real Social Dynamics. The bottom line of all of these? A way of selling a product. That product is you. And some women don’t buy, and some women do. The point? They buy because there’s a demand for the product, not because the product hypnotizes them into doing something they don’t want to do.
Sales becomes manipulation when the outcome isn’t what the buyer wanted or expected.
There’s an old saying in my industry that “you can’t buy a steak from McDonald’s”. If you know what you’re buying, you can’t be upset when the product isn’t as good as you thought. As with everything, you as the buyer need to research your purchases, not get mad when the product doesn’t live up to unreal expectations that you had.
When women call PUA or game, manipulation, they are essentially participating in buyer’s remorse. They were sold a product that didn’t live up to it’s billing, so they claim they were coerced into buying in. That way, they can’t be blamed for making a bad choice, and they can demonize a group of guys who simply wanted to have sex with hot girls by trying to sell themselves. The women will claim a “mystical, back door, shady” approach is what sold them, when they could’ve easily walked away and taken their “money” somewhere else.
We are seeing a society today that holds businesses to an unbelievable standard. They want service quick, food hot, and an amazing experience, or they’ll be on Yelp! quicker than you can say “bad customer review.”
Businesses are adapting but we quickly blame others for our own failures and shortcomings in actually researching what we buy. And when we get burned? We bad mouth the establishment and make it their problem. Same principle applies to dating, game and pick up.
Women realize they’ve been sold something they shouldn’t have bought, so they claim poor product, rather than taking the time to understand why they bought this. They state they were clearly “tricked”, “manipulated”, or other reasons because they wouldn’t be caught dead having sex with this “loser”. “I’m better than this,” she says to herself. She’s been manipulated by a dork. But what she doesn’t understand is that she made that choice to sleep with him.
So, remember this ladies. No one is manipulating you. No one is tricking you into sleeping with them. You have free will to walk away and not buy, and many of your colleagues do this every day to guys coming up to them. So why are you different? You aren’t.
If a product, slogan, or advertisement controls your free will and choice, perhaps you need to not be as pliable to those techniques and be more mindful of your personal choices and wants.
Stop having buyer’s remorse and blaming the PUA and game community for “manipulating” you when they are only selling a product. Take responsibility for your own actions and you will be certain the next product you “buy” will be one you actually like.
When the Sexual Revolution started in the 1960’s with the advent of birth control, women had a new found freedom from so called “sexual repression” and hypergamy really found it’s way to center stage.
Women were now free from having to settle for men that weren’t the best in their minds, and could actively explore and engage in sex whenever and with whoever they saw fit.
In short, birth control leveled the sexual playing field for men and women.
And while this momentous discovery changed the world forever as we know it, what we didn’t know is how it would affect us now, nearly 60 years later. The power struggle (or sexual arms race) between men and women throughout history has led to this current environment, and that I what I would like to talk about today.
The History of the Fight
From very early times, women were considered second class citizens, however, they were deitized by men, especially in Ancient Rome. The Roman social structure took the shape of the interaction between men and women, with overt operating men running all the households, government and military positions, while covertly women would handle the world behind the curtains.
With Christianity and Islam, the same held true. Women were worshipped for their abilities, but were not given positions of power. Monogamy was sacrosanct, and women were to do their duties in the household, playing support role to the man. Men were using religion and religious teachings to keep women in one place.
But birth control changed all of that. It gave women access to the world of a man, and it was applauded as a huge step towards equality. Women now had the freedom to live (at the time they were told) consequence free, just like a man. Hit it and quit it. And no pregnancy.
But what we didn’t realize is that we opened Pandora’s Box.
In terms of procreation, women were now let off the leash. Out of wedlock birth rates skyrocketed, as did the number of unwed mothers. It because a free for all, and those numbers continued to climb.
Men tried to counteract this newfound freedom by doubling down on religion and attempts to control that behavior. But the horses weren’t going back in the barn.
Hypergamy didn’t care. It was time to live life to the fullest, and in many people’s minds that was having as much consequence free sex as they could.
Men were staggering with each new blow. What could we do to get a woman now? The best candidates were having all the sex, and men were having to re-examine what they could do to compete in this new world.
Changing the Landscape Again
Men were desperate to find a way to level the playing field again, so a group of socially backward men developed game. Game was a means for men who weren’t good looking, weren’t genetically gifted with height or penis size to have sex with women.
So men developed game, and RSD (Real Social Dynamics) and PUA as ways to compensate for their limitations. When 20% of the men are getting 80% of the women, the 80% of men had to come up with a way to make it feasible for their share of the pie to grow as well.
In the early 2000’s, it was all the rage. Men were paying thousands of dollars to learn game, and were being rewarded with many women.
This was our answer to try and close Pandora’s Box. Knowing the true natures of women, using the art of seduction, and firing back against hypergamy was extremely effective. It forced women to recalibrate their aims, because once again, men were trying to take control of the SMP, and it wasn’t going to happen on their watch.
They tried to claim pickup was a sleazy form of manipulation. It led to rape, misogyny, and objectification of women.
Men simply fired back that women objectified men as success objects. They were trying to bend the curve away from the 80% to focus on the 20%. Their biological imperatives needed to be reigned in. The fight continued.
Each gender was trying to get the sexual upper hand on the other.
It continues unimpeded today.
The Current Trends
Today, women control the sexual marketplace. They determine sexual availability with the best candidate in their eyes. They have tens to hundreds of orbiters around them, depending on their popularity.
When the MeToo movement was introduced, it was a platform for women to speak out against sexual predators, a real threat.
However, feminists have perverted it’s aims into another weapon against men.
Now, “enthusiastic consent” is the new buzzword for the feminine imperative, pushing hypergamy to all new levels.
Feminists are absolving themselves of any responsibility of sexual intercourse, sharing some gems like these on Twitter:
Feminists want women to live like men, but not be held accountable for their actions. It’s the “have their cake and eat it too” mentality that has caused such a rift between the sexes.
And men have had enough. The “Mike Pence” rule, as it’s so referred to, is a man refusing to be alone with a woman he works with as to not put himself in a bad situation. MeToo has weaponized sex so much, that men are afraid to talk to, interact with, or even have dinner with a woman for fear she’ll attempt to destroy them with false accusations. What are men to do? It’s a no win situation.
So how have and will men respond to this newest wave of weaponization of hypergamy in the gender arms race?
The Strength of No Action
Men have simply responded to these new actions by feminism by simply choosing not to play the game.
There’s too much at stake for men, so they choose another path. They refuse to interact with such a toxic movement as feminism has become, and this has enraged feminists even more.
And this, ultimately, will be the long term answer. Men will leave to pursue women who appreciate them, rather than be villainized by a group of women who choose to have no responsibility or consequences in their actions.
Blaming men has always been the calling card of feminism, but with no men around to blame, you’ve now essentially neutered feminism.
When feminism doesn’t have an enemy to castigate, the whole movement will implode on itself. It’s already shrinking due to the constant demonization of men, and it’s perversions of MeToo and other movements will only accelerate it’s demise.
But it’s still unclear on what men do in the meantime. We have to continue to hold ourselves above the fray, but also appreciate the women that do support us and our movement.
I think a lot of this arms race would be solved with consequences. Actions without consequences are running the feminine imperative, and eventually the check has to come due.
When modern feminism has a say in the future of mankind, we see disastrous results.
Birth rates are dropping. People stopped having sex. Partly because men have stepped away and don’t want to play anymore. And also partly because women want to live consequence free life for their actions. With safety nets like child support, alimony, and the State, many women don’t feel the pain that comes from promiscuity without precaution.
And some men don’t feel the need to be fathers. Consequence free sex has made these men nothing by sexual shysters, grabbing what they can without fear of retribution, because of course the State will take care of his mistake.
There needs to be more accountability in the sexual marketplace, or Western Civilization is doomed to be overtaken by other forces.
But for now, both sides need to lay down their weapons and come to the table.
Only through communication can we resolve our deep rooted problems.
But that seems like a pipe dream.
It’s not hopeless, though. I’m hopeful the hatred of men by feminism will cause it to re-assess the values men bring to the world.
So as this is a blog about all things Red Pill, I wanted to start a new segment this week for all of my new readers.
As most of you know, I am very much involved in the dating game. I am a single dad, and as a such, I’ve been trying to learn game. Being married for a decade, and of course not being unplugged in the first place, my embarrassing exploits are cataloged on several of my blog posts. However, I’ve realized the error of my ways since unplugging and as an early 40’s single man, I’m exploring the world of dating with a new found vigor.
I’ve been learning game from many of my red pilled brethren, and I wanted to post updates on my progress for everyone to see.
As I have told you, my goal is for you to get a real sense of what it’s like to be in my life, as I confront challenges, learn new skills, approach women, and live my new life as a Red Pill aware man.
Where Can I Learn Game?
There are many resources for men to learn game. I’ve been using several good references for my game practice. But I’ve been trying to learn it from several sources, especially trying to see what works for me. Rather than just googling “PUA techniques” which will of course get you some idea on what to do, I’ve been going through several avenues. So let’s start with books that gave me a good background while I’m out there:
The Rational Male series – Rollo Tomassi: Obviously I have a soft spot for Rollo as his book was the reason I became unplugged in the first place. Knowing the world of the Red Pill is a huge first step, and these books deliver that is spades.
The Game – Neil Strauss: This is the quintessential read for anyone looking to see what the PUA community is all about. A very good read for some history on game and who plays it.
The Art of Seduction – Robert Greene: A very good primer on all things seduction. Greene really drives home methods of seduction, describing types of seducers and each of their preferred methods.
Mode One – Alan Roger Currie: A quality book detailing Currie’s preferred pickup motif, direct communication. I’ve read it twice now and have employed techniques in this book.
The Mystery Method – Mystery: Quite possibly the most famous PUA wrote a book on pick up, and it’s very good. I recommend it.
The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida: A great primer into the mindset men have to have when dealing with women, career, and life in general. I can’t say enough good things about this book.
I have several game gurus on my side bar as well for good reference. There are hundreds of other books by authors like RooshV, Mark Manson, Pook, and others that can give you information.
Why Do I Need to Learn Game?
Game transcends all things in your life. It’s not only good for picking up women, but is also good for advancing your career, and good for getting you to your purpose. It promotes and builds confidence, which is the number one factor that is invaluable for you to have with any endeavor.
Also, as in my case, online dating is a cop out for a beta looking to be plugged back in. Most men don’t like to date, they want to be dominated by a woman in their life so they can talk about sports, play golf, or play video games.
But men who actually want something out of life MUST learn some sort of game. They have to be able to handle themselves with different types of people in different situations. It’s one thing for a man to go through the motions, quite another for one to be a trailblazing leader of men. This is why game is so important. It gives you the skills to be a badass.
So I’ve Learned About Game, Now What?
Well, now you have to do what I did. I would also do it concurrently so that you’re learning on multiple fronts. The concurrent steps are:
Get your ass to the gym and
Start practicing your approaches!
These are both key in your grasp of game. Why? Because:
Going to the gym will improve your physique and grow your confidence
Practicing approaching women will increase your knowledge and improve your game with women
I am doing both of these things more and more. I go to the gym 4 days a week, for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time.
I also have been approaching women. I’m all for cold approaches, however, I’m more of an IOI (Indictor of Interest) type of approacher. Cold approaches work in terms of sheer numbers, but for guys like me with a tough time finding good times to just do this, the IOI approach can be golden, you just need to know what to look for. BestPUATraining.com is a good start for looking for IOI’s.
The bottom line on IOI’s is sustained eye contact from a woman, as well as a smile from her.
The best way to start your game is to have three things down pat:
Keep practicing, going to the gym, and boosting your confidence. You’ll find your preferred method with study, practice, and adjustments.
How Do I Meet Women?
So, you’re like me. You’re 35-45, you’ve learned about game, but where in the hell do you go to meet women? Online dating, in my opinion, should not be a primary source of your approaches. Most of what I’ve found in online dating are girls with emotional issues, fatties, or spam. It’s convenient, which is why it’s not a good source of women. You gotta work for it (you knew I would say that, didn’t you?).
At best, online dating should be supplementing your social life. It should never be a primary catalyst for meeting women.
You have to get out of your shell. If it just means going to a bar, sitting by yourself and having a drink, then so be it. Here are some ways I’ve been meeting women recently:
I took a yoga class. Not only do you meet women, but they are fit and you get in shape.
I’ve increased my social circle. Whether it be through work, finding hobbies that you share with other men, joining clubs, the gym, etc. Meeting new people always opens up the possibility of meeting new WOMEN.
Go (by myself, yes) to bars, clubs, coffee shops, and restaurants. Being able to be comfortable with yourself is a giant weight off of your shoulders in the quest for game.
As you get into shape, do other classes, or join a Brazilian Ju Jitsu or boxing club. Knowing how to fight increases your confidence, as well as putting you in better shape.
OCR Racing or other activities are a great way to meet fit women. I do Spartan, which allows me to travel to events and meeting hot girls.
Networking through your business. As a business owner, this is invaluable, not only for growing potential business leads, but also for meeting women. Many of these events are at bars, pubs, or restaurants, and the women come with the turf.
These are just a sample of the many things you could do. There are hundreds of other examples.
RPD Field Report #1
So with the quick and dirty about game out of the way, let’s start with my first approaches while learning game. Here are some of what I’ve encountered.
I’ve had about 21 approaches in the past three weeks, most have happened at bars, pubs, yoga class, and four happened at my networking events. I will detail a few that I’ve found success with:
I was at a networking event and I noticed an 8 looking at me. I kept eye contact, and then smiled. We held the look for a few more seconds, then I approached. She was distracted by another person, so I interrupted and asked her if she wanted a drink. I whisked her away to another part of the bar, talked with her for about 30 minutes, and closed with a number.
I was at my local pub drinking when a 7 came up to me and asked me if I was looking at her (I wasn’t, I was actually looking at another girl, I didn’t even notice her, lol), and I replied, “No, but I’m looking at you now.” She laughed, sat down, and I closed with her number.
I was flirting with a bartender at a club and had just learned palm reading (or that’s what I told her) and she watched me as I clumsily tried to read her palm. She was flattered and I closed with her number.
I asked a girl out I had been flirting with (a solid 7 server) and she replied with “I’m just so busy, I don’t know if I can.” My response was “You’re not busy enough for me.” She gave me her number.
These are just a few of the examples of my closes. As I learn and gain more confidence, it will only get better.
I’ve also had several approaches that have ended in her walking away in disinterest. There have been many (75%) of these approaches that have resulted in shitty rejections, but the one thing you have to do is shrug it off and realize it’s not a slam against you, it’s a slam against your game. One girl called me a fat ass and said she doesn’t date fat guys, another girl said I looked like a nerd she picked on in college (keep in mind I’m 43, 6’4″ and about 260 lbs). So you will get rejected, A LOT. Keep at it.
Remember, Rollo always says “Rejection is better than regret.”
Online Dating as a Supplement
As an experiment, I am supplementing my game with Tinder. My goal right now is to meet lots of different types of women, and with an app that allows me to do that on a swipe, I had to take advantage of the convenience. Now, I will tell you that Tinder is a shit show. There are tons of fatties, especially where I’m at, and emotionally challenged women from all walks of life. As you begin dating again like I do, you’ll learn to spot those types and swipe left.
anything with a Snapchat filter is automatically swipe left
profiles without full body shots is a swipe left
Anything where there are pictures of every body part except face is swipe left
So I know a lot of you don’t approve of online dating, but in the spirit of meeting as many women as I can, it’s proven to be a hot bed, especially since I’m tall (6’4″) and muscled out. But my filters have helped as well.
Dating as The Red Pill Dad
So there’s a brief glimpse of what I’m dealing with as a 40-something navigating the dating pool in the Midwest. I will continue to produce these reports as I get the time, and will report my triumphs and setbacks. I want you all to see what I deal with in real time, with real time results. If I can do anything, I want to convince all of you that you can do this, and you can do it well.
Time will tell with me personally. But I’m already off to a great start, and have achieved more in 6 months than I could’ve possibly imagined.
As the new year is upon us, I have taken some time off to get my mind right, as well as get ready for my upcoming podcast. However, I wanted to fire off a quick blog post, discussing something that I had mentioned on my twitter feed, and a topic that has been discussed at length in the manosphere.
Also, the topic of today’s blog, that of “leagues”, was the center of a heated debate among my family during the holiday break. As my last relationship ended, many in my circle were very supportive of me, but the questions arose about the “type” of woman I was looking for.
Was I “aiming too high”? Convinced that I was not “being realistic” about the type of women I “needed” to start looking at? Were they “out of my league”?
This begs the question, “What are leagues and how do they work?”
No doubt you’ve heard the expression, “She’s out of your league.” It’s an expression that basically equates to a girl being too attractive for certain class of guys. The HB Scale, which I’ve talked about on here briefly, show’s where a woman lands on a man’s scale of attractiveness. Women obviously have a way to gauge a man’s attractiveness, and as looks, personality, and game go, they are very important in the world. There’s no getting around it.
But what makes leagues so important is that thanks to hypergamy and the feminine imperative (FI), they have been implemented to have men pre-qualify themselves before even approaching a woman. The simple statement of “she’s out of your league” tells a man to not even try to approach an HB 8-9 because he’s been convinced the best he can ever get is a 6 or 7.
Credit: Sunny Street / Max Garcia
This is done on purpose. The reason you see many of the memes and comics today of women at the office dismissing (or even reporting) a unattractive beta male who compliments her versus a hot alpha who compliments her and she’s in bed with that same night, is because of hypergamy, and the use of leagues (hence the double standard).
So what does this mean? It means the sooner you know a woman’s true nature (red pill), the sooner you can understand that one of the many ways women pre-screen their male choices is by creating the “league”. As Rollo and Michelangelo stated, “it’s not that you aim too high and miss, it’s that you aim too low and succeed.”
The bottom line: As soon as you realize that leagues are an invention to dismiss your worth to a woman, the sooner you realize that you can have any woman you want. Any woman.
Of course, Rollo has a great deal to speak about leagues, but I bring this up because of what happened to me personally. As I have been dating quite a bit, I have bumped up against this use by some women of the “out of your league”, but I’ve never really spoke about it until the debate with some of my family over the holiday.
As the topic came up, it dealt with the class of woman that I have been dating, or attempting to date. A comment was made that I need to “stay in my lane” in terms of women, by my ex-wife as it turned out (I am still very good friends with her). Her ideas of the type of woman I would date were out of whack, as well as funded in fantasy. My last relationship was with an HB 7-8, and this surprised certain members of my family. But you can see the underlying codex, that of leagues, permeates the fabric of dating life.
It shows you just how much the FI affects the world in pursuit of their goals.
The statements made were mostly about the type of girl I should be looking for, rather than the type of girl I want. And while I understand the concern of my family as they feel like I’ll be let down but thinking I can have any woman, I can also attest to the fact that I won’t disqualify myself without giving it a shot. And Wayne Gretsky stated, “We miss 100% of the shots we don’t take.” But my success with women has increased a ton just by throwing off what I am “supposed” to do and not “staying in my lane.”
But this realization also comes with a side of cold, hard truths. Knowing what you know about leagues still won’t get you into bed with an HB9. And bagging such a woman should not be your primary goal.
You need to work. Work on yourself. Work on your physique, work on your game, work on you. You’ll find that if your self improvement is primary goal, the secondary goals will start becoming easier, especially when gaming women. Nothing substitutes for hard work. When you up yourself, you make the percentages of success that much more attainable.
Women are people, just like you and I. They are nothing special, and those that think they are delude themselves and their followers. The more you approach women, the more comfortable you get with it. The notion of a league is an invented nonsense. The sooner you realize that, the better.
So, as you go into this new year, remove another imagined barrier between yourself and the girls you want.