Manosphere

Of A Certain Age

/ T Wayne Hicks / 2 Comments

The manosphere, for lack of a better term, has become a driving force in helping men get control of their lives. From unplugging men, to fitness, to inter-gender communication, sex, relationships, philosophy, and all in between, I’ve seen many men get the help they need.

But as I’ve detailed in many past posts, when it comes to defining women and what a man needs to look for in one, the blacks and whites of the manosphere ideology come out.

In one of my most read blog posts, The Single Mom Dating Dilemma, parts of the manosphere pursue unapproachable extremes when it comes to the type of women you MUST have in your life.

Exaggerated at times, there are those who DEMAND you only date virgins in their early 20’s and as they age and the more the world pierces them, the lower quality they become.

The manosphere tends to skew to the ideological outliers when it comes to getting men to ONLY choose women who haven’t been “tainted” with promiscuity or feminism.

Single motherhood is frowned upon, even as I write in my own experiences that I’ve seen the opposite from good, upstanding single moms who I’ve dated.

But there are BAD single moms, but not all single moms are BAD.

There are BAD older women, but not all older women are BAD.

THAT’S the difference here.

My job, as I’ve tried to show, is to portray an accurate picture of the dating world and what I’ve found using inter-gender tropes, for the most part, has helped me avoid the bad women. But there are still too many guys who go to the same well when it comes to judging all women as bad if they fit into a certain category.

This particular blog will help to tackle one of the biggest tropes out there that, just like single motherhood, is trying to paint with a broad brush a picture of women that isn’t entirely true and has too much nuance to be so black and white.

Yep, the dreaded WALL.

Walls

The wall, coined in Rollo Tomassi’s excellent book, The Rational Male, is the point when a woman’s SMV (sexual market value) starts to decline. And depending on how a woman used her “party years”, her wall may come earlier than other women. As I call it, a woman who’s been “rode hard and put away wet” has a tendency to hit the wall much sooner than women who don’t.

SMV Chart – Credit “The Rational Male” by Rollo Tomassi

This chart, while valuable in it’s analysis of the analytics of gender sexual value, can be read to tell me to avoid older women, simply because of their age.

And the problem is, in most things, is that this is theory. Practice, generally, yields different results.

An example, men are told they generally should avoid older women. Why? The main driver? Procreation and attractiveness.

Men’s sole drive in sex is to reproduce. It’s what has been programmed into us over millennia. Our job is to procreate. That’s the bottom line.

And, as we know, women’s biological functions have an expiration date. As they get older, their ability to have kids falters. This is a fact.

And, younger women tend to be more attractive. As women age, they show it, that’s biology as well. As men age, we get more attractive. This is the way it’s set up and we can’t well argue with any of it.

I’m not here to disprove any aspect of Rollo’s or anyone else’s work, as I believe it’s valuable for giving men a picture of why SMV and inter-gender dynamics work. It’s a very needed piece of the manosphere because it raises men’s awareness of the biological differences between men and women.

But I want to show what I’ve found, dealing with these concepts on a daily basis in my dating life, and the realities of what happens when theories are placed against the real world.

The Woman You Want Depends On The Man You Are

The manosphere is right. If you are a man that wants to have kids, you should go with a younger woman.

And also, by the numbers, the younger the woman, the less she’s been exposed to heaux life and had multiple partners.

But, as I’ve said, many times, age does not correlate to hoedom, nor does the younger woman equate to the perfect wife.

Are we selling men on the mindless Stepford wives myth where they expect to field a virgin, early 20 year old who exists to only serve him?

Women are much more dynamic these days and with the advent of birth control and the Sexual Revolution, women have been exposed to decades of feminism and its ideals. You aren’t going to find the “untouched” nuggets save for a religiously isolated group or other such nonsense that hasn’t been hit by societal upheaval breaking towards feminism.

Here’s the deal: If I was looking to have more kids, I would choose a younger woman. But that wouldn’t be the only aspect that I would consider. I’m not dominant. I don’t want a submissive woman. I want a woman who’s strong enough on her own to match my dynamic.

But what happens if you are an older man who doesn’t want kids or already has them?

The majority of younger women I’ve dated (from 23 – 35) were fine, but they weren’t on my wavelength in terms of the maturity factor. It’s fine to date them, and I encourage men to date all ages of women to see what works for them, but in MY case, I have found that dating a woman closer to my own age (44) has been a good thing.

There are exceptions and grey areas all over the place for the wall.

What if a woman takes care of herself into her 40’s and is in better shape that she was earlier on?

What if a woman only has 1 or 2 sexual partners her whole life? (Yes guys, they do exist.)

I don’t want the manosphere to push a man to make a decision based on age alone, because while a young woman is wonderful to date, the age gap and maturity issues can be an issue. Try listening to Steely Dan’s “Hey 19” and you’ll understand.

I’m also not saying that older women harping on men for picking up younger women is right either. Men have a right to choose who gets to be in their life, and age should neither fast track nor disqualify any woman. If a man finds a woman younger than him, in many cases 15-20 years younger, good for him, that’s a personal choice that factors in many different things, including kids, that he has every right to take into account.

In a time where the personal preference of women for men has taken a back seat to broad-ranging narratives on how men should choose a potential mate, with age and single motherhood being primary disqualifiers, the bottom line is it’s ultimately up to the man to make those choices. They must make them being educated and well versed in all the pitfalls and benefits, as well as knowing who he is to help him weed out potential bad seeds and hoes.

Dating women who are younger or older isn’t a science, and each comes with its share of issues and benefits.

But pushing recently unplugged men into “and/or” narratives doesn’t educate him, it only forces him to not think for himself and use tired platitudes that some of the man pundits parrot nauseatingly often to a tune of group-think ideologies that the manosphere was created to get away from.

In general, stop saying “don’t date older women” or “don’t date single mothers” because men will treat both with disdain when many of them are perfectly fine and will enhance a man’s life.

Pointing out bad actors in a group by using a broad brush to paint with is what the manosphere is trying to get away from, because feminism paints us with the same broad brush. We’re “misogynists” even if we very clearly aren’t, because the heavy lifting needed to show that we are different is too hard for feminist elites to take.

It’s easier to demonize a whole group than think that maybe the ideologues in each group are whipping up resentment unfairly. And yes, I do the same thing when I reference feminism, but I’ve yet to meet a good feminist. 🙂

“If You Like Her, Date Her.”

Platitudes can be good, but they can also be cancerous.

The manosphere should prepare men by giving them the information they need to make an informed decision on what woman he should have in his life, not point out groups of women to avoid because the bad actors take all the headlines and overshadow the really good, solid women who are single mothers, older, and take care of themselves both physically and mentally.

There are women who didn’t succumb to the feminist narrative, living well into their 30’s and 40’s and taking on the challenges of being your “Ride or Die.” They are beautiful souls who don’t believe the crap, made good choices in their lives, and recognize that if they did make mistakes, they took responsibility for those mistakes.

A woman, regardless of age, who owns her situation, is a woman that is miles ahead of the feminist lapdogs who blame men and their perceived toxicity for everything that has befallen them.

Her age doesn’t matter if she enhances you in the right ways. If she’s loyal, supportive, sexy, attractive, funny, wise, and sharpens your steel so to speak, you, as the man, should be able to tell what works for you and doesn’t.

I’ve seen many a man follow the manosphere advice of no older women and fall into a trap of being with someone who doesn’t gel with him.

“But at least she’s young and attractive. Just because we don’t have a ton in common, doesn’t mean she’s not for me.”

She can be older and be just as hot. And her attitude, personality, maturity can be just as attractive to a man looking for just that.

If a younger woman works for you, go for it. But as a man, your job is to run your life, and if someone wants to be a part of that, you have to vet and make sure she has a place in it. Her job is to support you, be there for you, and have a connection that transcends everything else. A teammate to help you conquer the world, not just make babies with no other connections.

Gentlemen, regardless of age or single motherhood, it is ultimately on YOU to choose the right woman for you.

This is what the manosphere is trying to do. And certainly what I’m trying to do.

We educate you on the realities of dating, all while showing you the analytics of the world of women. It’s all valuable data that should help a man make a good choice in a partner.

We educate you to date around, have a good time in a responsible manner, and if you ever want to settle down, give you a basis for how to do that.

We educate you on the good and bad of women who are older. It’s a personal preference for many men, and most importantly, it’s not about their age but about their attitudes.

We educate you on choosing a woman based on age because if you want kids, an older woman will probably not be a good choice.

We educate you on dating around to see what preferences you like, and many men, especially in the manosphere, are dating or married to women close to their age with no issues at all.

It’s about finding a partner for your purpose.

Men, take it from me. There are a ton of sexy, attractive, intelligent, loyal, dynamic, nurturing, fit, and incredible women in their 40’s to date.

I should know, because I’m dating an amazing one.

Trads or Chads

/ T Wayne Hicks / Leave a comment
Photo Credit: BBC

The “manosphere”, a phrase that many times is just a catch all for men who are working against the feminist movement, working for men to re-take their lives, and working to educate men on their roles in this world, has recently had a split. But it’s not the split of egos or personal differences I’m talking about. It’s the perceived split between traditional men (Trads) and men who are still teaching basic PUA and interactions with females, touting “at times” the “enjoy the decline” mantra.

I will honestly say that these men and the camps they’ve formed, are NO different from each other. They all believe the same things, they all are unplugged and “red pilled” as well as under the same forward thinking that modern men need to be under.

The sphere, for years, has split against itself with one side claiming red pill purity and the other side claiming life after the red pill and men bettering themselves. Both are correct. Both are needed. Red pill is a truth moment, with it’s many branches, but it isn’t a blue print on how to live, it simply is a list of truths that a man must accept in order to move on with his life, especially with concern to women. Both are supposed to work in concert, with red pill guys dropping truth bombs, then PUA / life guys taking over to keep those truths in the man’s life, and crafting a life that these truths become a cornerstone of. But the truths are REQUIRED or a man to accept to move forward. He can’t halfheartedly accept them without knowing full well that they will change his life for the better if he adheres to them completely. He has to.

If he doesn’t, none of the other crap matters, because he’s still living in an illusion. If he does accept, the “trad” men take over and push a man to live for himself first, and a woman is a compliment to his life, not a reason.

Physical and mental fitness, style, diet, and other aspects are then put to this man, with him taking responsibility for creating a life that is truly his.

Gurus, dudes looking to make a buck, regular guys, etc, all vying to help this man with his life. None of this is wrong.

Once again, for the people in the back, there are no differences in these men’s thinking. Guys need the help, especially guys who have taken and accepted the pill. They are vulnerable out of the womb again, so men on the sphere are taking these guys and helping them.

The differences, as I will spell out here, put me in neither of the camps, and in the big scheme of things, are a hair that doesn’t need splitting, but will no doubt be split for years to come, as it has for years before.

Chads

The hard core red pill guys are out there everyday and they have a point.

They run with mantras such as “She’s not yours, it’s just your turn” as well as the other oft repeated phrases that have made this sphere the sphere that it is. Remember, it all begins and ends with the red pill, which is why guys like Rollo, Dalrock, Pook, Roosh, and Roissey will always have a voice long after they are gone. The reason these guys and their content will always be around is because it’s truth. It connects men throughout the world with the truth that’s been withheld from them forever. These buzz words and phrases, while trite and over used, form the basis of the truths men should be taught at a young age, but rarely are. Feminism is a huge problem that is only getting worse as we get into the more “woke” decade.

PUA’s are working on this side as well, and while notch count is king in many of their worlds, it stands to reason that getting better with women is one of the best and most useful applications of the red pill. You can’t be a better man without learning to be better with women. And men by the truckload want to be better with women. Men are sexual, so they’re buying what the manosphere and the red pill are selling. And it’s an easy sell because guys want to sleep with hot women.

The “enjoy the decline” guys have a point, albeit one that isn’t easily applied to an unplugged man’s life. The philosophy of ETD is a philosophy based on red pill truths but doesn’t give a man anything other than notches and a bit of an empty life to look back at. I think that many men require a purpose, with the purpose of bedding all manner of girls being fine for a period in a man’s life, but not the end all be all. This is why the red pill is a praxeology at first, and not the whole ball of wax that men need. Truly, living the red pill life has many advantages, but it doesn’t give men enough to truly move forward. It only shows men a general list of concepts to deal with women and move forward socially.

Which is why I don’t fall into this category. I do believe that men need to have experience with women and need to meet as many and experience as much from all women have to offer before deciding on an LTR. But I also believe that they need to have that LTR. Many of the red pill purists are in LTR’s or marriages. They’ve pursued red pill ideals to conclusions that go against some of the red pill purity crowd in never getting bogged down in marriage or LTR’s and notch count as king. I also believe that marriage is still a viable option, as most MGTOW or other red pill groups will tell men to avoid at all costs. Also, the RP decries women having any input at all on their side of it. “Don’t talk about Fight club” is all too prevalent. But I think women’s input, showing the results of what the red pill brings to men, can add to the sphere, just as long as they don’t dictate behaviors, but instead show how the behaviors learned can affect a positive relationship with the opposite sex.

The single mom dilemma isn’t a dilemma to Chads, as they avoid them at all costs. But I disagree with their thinking that ALL single moms are terrible wastes looking for men as a meal ticket or substitute father. There are many good ones out there I have dated not looking at victim hood as a cash cow, but putting their heads down and making no excuses for their lives. This is where I split with the Chad crowd. And while I’m in no danger of wifeing up a single mom for sex, it does happen and men need to avoid women who are damaged just looking for money to help them rectify mistakes they’ve made on another man’s bill. It’s about living life on your terms with all the education to back that up.

I still and always will be a red pill adherent. But I do believe that there is more to a man’s life than that, but it is the key that unlocks a vast majority of it.

The value lies in the fact that these truths will always be there for men willing to learn and accept them. And for that, they will be eternally important and a required part of the sphere. But there’s more.

Trads

Trads, or the beard wearing, lumberjack looking, weight lifting tough guys that have propagated the manosphere (I’m probably one cause I have a beard), have really taken off in the past year. We are seeing men living the manly virtues, all while trying to push red pill truths. We’ve seen the religious right show up in this group, with Christianity and some Islam being thrown into the manosphere for good measure. And why shouldn’t they? These religions are based on men leading and having a strong masculine presence. Islam, especially, hasn’t really been infiltrated by feminism as Christianity has. But the religious right will continue to lay claim to parts of the manosphere and what parts haven’t been feminized will continue to play a part at the table of traditional masculinity.

But many of the religious messages are not compatible with red pill truths, especially since we’ve seen a massive invasion of feminism in the church.

While the Chads set the truth, the Trads take it to conclusions. These are the life action guys such as the workout gurus, the dudes who demonstrate in life what actionable masculinity entails. They give the guidelines based on the red pill and how men need to live their lives in a red pill manner. If the red pill is the road map, the trad world is the transportation to get there.

Empowering men after they become unplugged has always been a dicey business because the temptation of the romantic, blue pill stories that get in men’s heads. The truth still needs someone to carry it to realization, men who have lived the pill and everything it stands for.

While I don’t relate to Chads on certain levels, I don’t relate to Trads on others.

True, I am a single father. True, I do believe that a long term relationship and marriage are still in the cards for many men. But every time traditional masculinity tries to up end or re-brand the red pill, they fail miserably. It shouldn’t be rebranded, and it can’t be re-invented. It’s a part of the sphere, regardless of if we think it should be or not. It’s a baseline realization that many men have to come to and it can’t be gotten around.

Marriage, as good as it can be, is not for every man. There are many men out there who are risk averse and also don’t have the inclination for any kinds of long term relationship, and that is okay.

Trads will also call on women to help shape and work on communicating the red pill, but they can’t effectively negotiate that side of it. This is where men on this side need to use their own success stories with their wives as motivation for men to show them what marriage, on their own terms, can truly be.

They also believe that many single moms are fine to date, as the Chads will tell you avoid them. Many single moms are damaged and looking for a meal ticket. They want a child to have a father figure because their worthless ex is not holding up his side of it. But there are quite a few single mothers I have dated that don’t ask for that. They have a father that cares and they aren’t in need of a man to father up the kids.

I also believe that sex, as a vital part of a man’s life, regardless of his morals, is still too important in any relationship to be disregarded. Red pill purists also believe this, and they are correct. Sex is much too important to try and gloss over.

The Two Sided Coin

So here we go, the two sided coin. A quarter is heads or tails, but it’s still worth 25 cents regardless of which side it lands on. That’s what this issue in in a nutshell. While we all may flex our perspective at times, all of it is good if in the end it’s establishing a man’s own choice as the correct one. Regardless of how he gets there, as long as he accepts the truth and chooses his life of his own accord, it’s a crap shoot on how to accomplish it.

There are no absolutes except the truth. And the truth will set you free. Other than that, the manosphere is one gigantic gray area. What work all of these men are doing, regardless of who says what, and who fronts how, is trying to keep men from making real mistakes that will cost them far more in the end. Money, time, even their lives. No man on this sphere wants to see a man take his own life. And that’s what we are all working towards. To make men satisfied and strong in their own lives. And making their own choices to that end, and holding them accountable.

It may not be pretty, but we are all living examples of men who’ve weathered hard times to come out ahead. And we’ve all done it on the red pill.

So regardless of which side you’re on, I’m telling you that the men I see and talk to on this side are preaching the truth, regardless of flex. They are trying to get men away from the feminist dream and trying to put them on solid ground that they alone negotiate. Men have to live life by their own rules, and it’s time for the sides to come together to make that happen.

It won’t, but I can always be hopeful.

For now, I choose not to be on either side. They both have their advantages, but both need to bridge the gap to really get to helping men the best way, by combining their forces. I will continue to be a demon for both sides because I don’t fully subscribe to either ideology. Because we need real world solutions besides broad platitudes to really help men in every situation. But, alas, we will be here for a while yet.

But, here’s the thing. Reasonable takes are needed in all aspects of a man’s life, and a platitude that pushes too far on either side shouldn’t be accepted.

But we still have the gaps, and we still have the disagreements, and we’ll still have it for years to come.

So I continue to work laboring under the common sense approach to all of this, what’s right is right, what’s wrong is wrong, but as long as you own it and do it on your own terms, you are living life right.