Bully

“Get up, porky.”

I was incoherent. But I’ll remember those three words for my whole life.

My head had just been smashed into a metal locker. And I was bleeding.

“I said, get up.”

I wasn’t getting up. I wasn’t even close to being able to. I was seeing little stars in my vision. I don’t know if I had a concussion, but damn, if this is what it felt like, I didn’t want one ever again.

I was just a 6th grader, packing my backpack in a crowded hallway with my locker open, minding my business, when I was pushed and my head smashed against my locker door.

I felt a kick to my side. It hadn’t been as painful as the head injury I had just sustained, but it knocked the breath out of me momentarily.

I lay there, crouched in a crowded hallway, as everyone walked past a dude kicking me. I remember much about this exchange, especially the people walking by. I fully realized that they weren’t gonna help me, because they wanted to see me get my ass throttled.

It was middle school. I was the fat kid with glasses. With daily comments about my man tits, my fat cheeks, my thick glasses, and my muffin top, it was only a matter of time before I was going to get my ass kicked and today, I was on the radar of the biggest bully in my grade.

So to say I wasn’t surprised when I was bleeding in the hallway that day was an understatement. To say I was surprised on how he got me was. He waited until I was on the floor digging into my locker to push me into the door. Then he started kicking me when I was down. But that’s how bullies work. I did the hard work for him so all he had to do was take advantage. Before he could get another kick in, a teacher stopped him. But it was of little comfort to me at the time.

And while this horrific day still rings true in my head, I’m glad he did what he did.

Because some 4 years later, I grew to 6’4″ 210lbs. I had been bullied all throughout my middle school and early high school years. But one day, it stopped.

Not because I hadn’t gotten any less nerdy, but because I had gotten bullied enough that I had nothing left to lose, and I made sure every person that had bullied me understood that.

But here’s the thing. This blog post is not intended to gain sympathy for me in my awkward and sometimes downright shitty adolescence.

It’s sole purpose is to show why society needs a bully, and why when you’ve had enough, still the best time honored situation to dealing with a bully is to punch him back in his fucking mouth.

The Need For The Bully

Bullies have been around since the dawn of humanity. There was always someone bigger, meaner, and more ruthless to take your shit from you. And as we have evolved into a more civilized species, bullying has taken on other forms. Some 30 plus years ago, when my middle school days were littered with inevitable pointing, laughing, beatings, jokes, comments and other not so pleasant actions taken in order to douse me in shame, nowadays it’s more of the cyber kind, with the same types of insults being hurled through the computer screen as opposed to the hallways.

The need for physical violence to take on the bully went from fists to guns during Columbine. A terrible tragedy of two boys who didn’t have proper parenting and who decided to murder the bully, a cost that is still felt today as we see school shootings happening.

But instead of empowering the meek to go after the bully in more constructive ways, we empowered the State to sanitize the system so that there were no bullies or bullied, but the socialism of the school, where there is no empowerment, only ceilings.

So began the War on the Bully.

There was a huge movement in the early 2000’s that has culminated today with the attack by society on bullies of every type. The now systematized shame towards the bully has not curtailed the bullying, it has simply put the bully pulpit in the hands of our illustrious elected leaders, teachers, administrators, and other adults who make decisions to protect everyone, even when those decisions affect everyone negatively.

“We must protect our children from bullies” has become the rallying cry for parents who refuse to teach and parent their kids about the importance of the reaction to bullies being an important part of mitigating them.

I believe fathers have truly dropped the ball in teaching their kids about focusing anger towards positive activities.

As we moved through the past three decades, I have seen on alarming issue that continues to come up and that is that parents have willingly given up the raising of their kids to the State. With all of these cultural movements throughout the 60’s to the 90’s, the State has subverted the family structure, becoming the de facto bully in all of this.

In short, the bullies have become the bullied. And the new bullies have men with guns.

When I was bullied, as many children were, my mother tried to reason with school administrators and teachers that her son was being bullied. All this did was make the bullying increase, for I was the kid who’s mom tattled on the offenders. My father gave better advice. “Punch them in the mouth.”

So I did. Even if it wasn’t literal. I stopped taking shit from the bullies. I stepped up and either physically or verbally jabbed them when they came close. I wasn’t going to fuck around anymore.

Why Columbine was important was it showed that how kids were dealing with bullies, and how parents weren’t helping their kids, in a violent manner was not the answer that these kids were looking for. But without guidance for anger and frustration, all it did was boil over into violence on a large scale.

Killing the bully does nothing and has tragic consequences. Beating up the bully, gaining psychological advantage over him, is where the kids need to be directed. The bully provides a challenge to the child. A challenge of either beating them physically, or like I did, beat them out verbally and mentally. And when a child is challenged and they overcome the challenge, it’s a lesson well learned.

Taking the Power Back

Some of the best lessons I’ve learned are when I was getting my ass kicked.

I know of no person who didn’t have these sentiments that didn’t turn out to be a stronger individual after they got bullied.

It is empowerment to fight back and beat up the bully.

When we give kids real world challenges to overcome, as in life when they become an adult, something clicks. They understand through the harsh lessons that this is how to overcome and grow in life.

The problems with this is that parents stopped caring, and gave overreaching authority to teachers to try and be surrogate parents. I saw it in my days in my child’s PTA, when parents don’t care, kids have no where to turn but to teachers, who have no time for the kids because there are so many. So it’s left to school counselors, administrators, and other authority figures to try and reign in all of this, and they’re overwhelmed.

All because parents dropped the ball. As with the teacher who finally stopped the beating, they can’t expect to be parents at school with no parents working for the kids at home.

But it starts with the parents teaching their kids about overcoming challenges on their own with help from those that love them.

I didn’t start learning to ride my bike until my parents made me get on a bike and start peddling. I hit a mailbox and was broken and bruised, but I learned to ride a bike and I was off to the races for most of my childhood.

I didn’t learn to fight back until I fought back, with my parents watching me do it, and empowered myself to take control of a situation with an assertive move.

The world needs bullies. But more importantly, the world needs men and women to teach people that being bullied is not an excuse to act the victim, but a reason for action against an oppressive force.

If a child can’t stand up for themselves as a kid, they won’t stand up for themselves as an adult.

The pain of being bullied is gone when you fight back. I don’t feel sorry for myself for being bullied. In fact, it was a necessary evolution in the man I’ve become today. And I fought back against the very forces that we are trying to destroy.

We don’t want to remove a challenge from someone’s life just because it’s hard to overcome. We have to stop trying to save everyone and instead, give them a reason to FIGHT in life.

I see many people who’ve lost limbs in war, who’ve had diseases or defects overcome incredible odds to do amazing things. And that’s what puts the human in humanity. Overcoming difficulties, punching them in the face, and not wrapping the world in bubble wrap to protect.

People all need these challenges, but more importantly, they need parents who show them these lessons and let them fail.

It’s the only way to get stronger.

The bullies stopped as soon as I fought back. And fought back I did. I wasn’t bullied again.

The magic recipe? A commitment to yourself and to not being a victim.

It’s the way you grow to become a person who doesn’t take any shit.

And I think we need a society with more of those types of people.

Adversity is a necessity in life. And nothing is more adverse than a bully who you need to punch in the mouth.

Overcome and adapt.

Agendas

Photo Credit: Spongebob Squarepants

I think my father’s proud of me.

He’s not a man of many words, and his whole life, he’s avoided positive reinforcement of his kids. My grandparents raised him with 0 accolades of good work, words of encouragement, or just a “good job” every once in a while. It was seen as weakness to show affection or even positive rearing, because you still had work to do and you were never done. My father went on to be a successful entrepreneur, starting three companies and making them into multi-million dollar endeavors.

But even with all of his hard work and success, his parents really never complimented him on his accomplishments. So he was brought up with the impression that regardless of your wins, you can’t celebrate them. You can’t feel good about them.

Terrible way to grow up, but it was what it was.

But my dad still, at times, complimented me, as far apart as those compliments might have been. I know he cared and was rooting for me, but the fact that he was raised to see praise as a weakness was reason enough for me to understand exactly what he was going through and to know when he was happy for me and my accomplishments. I just knew.

I think a lot of the men of the baby boomer generation had the same thing happen to them. Their parents endured World War II and had to sacrifice so much, I don’t imagine there were many thanks for them for doing the basic day to day when they were busy taking a beachhead, watching their friends die in battle, and avoiding artillery shells.

But with my father, I don’t necessarily think he was fishing for compliments, I believe he was wanting SUPPORT for what decisions he was making in his life, and too often, parents are at odds with their kids on what constitutes a success.

Many parents push their kids to do jobs they believe are “successful” while putting their kids in the automated line of living a life that society tells them is the life to live.

It’s the same story we were all told.

Go to college, get a job, get married, have kids, get a house, get a car, and live happily ever after.

Applied emphasis on go to college here.

I was told that college was the key to getting a high paying, successful job with tons of benefits.

But now, we are seeing fallout of that. Kids who were told to join the rat race the way their parents wanted them to are disappointed and lost in their professional lives, and worst of all, stuck.

Living Vicariously

Why?

Because many parents are convinced that their kids can only make their lives good by doing what they say to the letter. And this is increasingly becoming problematic as kids get older and realize that they could have lived a dream instead of living their parent’s dreams.

They, like many other parents, have bought into society’s production lines of what success really means. Many people, including myself, bought into this and did what we were “supposed” to do. I wasn’t necessarily pushed by my parents, however, but my career arc followed those of many other kids in the 90’s, the idea of college was required.

We saw a shocking move away from trade schools and other things earlier in this century because of this mindset. And it was driven by parents who thought they underachieved.

Parents feel like they didn’t succeed in their lives, so they pour everything into their kids. And when their kids have the gall to decide to do something different from their parents, and kids, who are just looking to their parents for support and acceptance, get emotionally dropped kicked for doing what they love to do.

I understand parents pushing kids to do things. It’s understood that there are many young adults out there without a rudder who need a push. But the push doesn’t come from providing opportunities to these kids, it comes from parents who think they know better than their kids on what’s best for them.

This is where parents need to take the wheel in a different way. As a father of two daughters, I don’t try to push my kids into making life choices that I would approve of. I approve of their happiness doing what they want.

My job is to show them opportunities that they may want to take, give them a look into all things in this world to see if they like it. My oldest daughter is into robotics because it was an interest I saw for her and she now loves it. Not only that, but she also wants to be an engineer and do robotics for a living, and I support all of that. When I see something my kids love, I pour all my resources into that passion for them, because watching them light up with excitement is what I’m about as a parent.

My journey to this side of the world has been filled with men who are making their dreams come true by dropping the 9-5 and doing what they love, regardless of what it is. I’m not sure if their parents are proud or not, but it doesn’t matter. These guys are seeing a shift in their thinking that was hammered into them at a young age and taking the world by the balls.

Success isn’t defined by what society thinks, it’s defined by what YOU think.

The risk you take by doing something you love, even if the world thinks it’s ridiculous or wastes time, pays off when you’re happy.

And people will give you a ton of flack for it. But thinking against the crowd has resulted in some of the biggest successes in life.

Cheerleading

I’m certainly not rubber-stamping ALL activities (drugs, etc), but I see kids lacking motivation for activities their parents deem important and this is where the disconnect turns into a chasm.

So as a parent, you want to avoid pigeonholing your kids into things you liked or were forced to like as a kid.

What’s the greatest asset a parent can have with their kids?

An open mind.

Especially when it comes to hobbies, interests, and eventually, a career they love.

And if what you do is of interest to them, introduce them to it with the same patience you would with anything else.

My youngest daughter wants to play trombone and become a writer like her dad. That makes me happy, but more happy because SHE chose it, rather than me making her choose it. And if she changes her mind, so be it.

But I want my kids to live their lives on their terms, not on my agenda.

They deserve to be given opportunities to find something they love. So as a parent, you facilitate those opportunities and watch them either love it or leave it. That’s what you do as a parent. That’s what we should do as a society.

I see a ton of failure to launch kids who are unmotivated because they didn’t have parents who led them to something they loved. They tried what their parents wanted them to, hated it, and are now left with purgatory where they have to choose job, military, or nothing.

We have to give our kids options to show them that they can do anything, yes, anything that they love. The understanding that success isn’t linear nor is it a cookie cutter blue print is key in getting your kids to the point of loving life and their choices. Regret is a bitch and we all see it all the time.

I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I am. I want to do more, I will.

All because my parents didn’t have an agenda for me to follow, even if they were and are skeptical of my current trajectory, they love me and my abilities. That’s the key here. You can’t make a pumpkin seed grow into a carrot, no matter the amount of water, sunlight, or oxygen. So you grow it into the best damn pumpkin you can.

So let’s take the glass ceiling and walls off of our kids and support their endeavors, all while showing them more things that they may take an interest in.

The thought shouldn’t be “why would you do that?”

It should be “what else can I show you about that?”

Kids deserve a cheerleader, not an agenda.

Beckett Drives # 13 – Online Safety and Responsible Social Media Use for Kids

As a father, I have a responsibility to protect my kids, not only in life, but online.

Monitoring and checking on their computer and social media use is an important part of any parent’s job to raise a child.

Don’t let your kids get involved in social media unless they know how to use it responsibly.

And always monitor what they’re doing online, because bad things happen, and the more you know what your kids are up to, the better position you’ll be to address these issues.

Men in Parenting

Photo Credit: Indian Express

This is the final part of my “Men In” Series

So here it is. I have to address the elephant in the room. As my writings have all suggested, I am the Red Pill “Dad”, so what in the world am I doing to raise my kids in a Red Pill manner?

I’ve been a single dad now for almost 3 years. One thing that I have learned is that kids need their dads, now more then ever. The statistics don’t lie. Fathers are needed to make every aspect of their child’s life better, and this doesn’t just make them better children, it makes them better adults.

When men and women started to bolt from their responsibilities of having safe sex, especially with the advent of birth control, we’ve seen single parent households skyrocket. These households have produced troubled kids, with mothers and fathers having unprotected sex, getting pregnant, and hating each other, it was up to one or the other to take care of the kids (in many cases, it was the mother).

So enter the State as the third party, helping to “right the wrongs” of dastardly men who dare pump and dump, leaving the woman, as if there was only one side to blame. Men have been demonized because they did this, and natural inclinations of women are to blame the men for not supporting them and their kids, but it does take two to tango.

So women now use the state as their surrogate father, while men procreate with potential criminal recourse. But where’s the responsibility for the women? With the Feminine Imperative driving family law and the court system, there is only criminal charges for the man, and cash and prizes for the woman, but they both were involved in creating the child.

The Feminine Imperative and other outlets seem to be encouraging the single mother. With 10 million single mother households and rising here in the US, nothing is being done to encourage two parent households. It’s everyone doubling down in a game that no one wins.

Obviously, I’m not impartial, as being on the male end of family law has only made me question the whole process more, however, I feel like a lot has been lost in western countries on how to get the family unit back together. I do believe that feminism has in part helped to destroy this mindset, with the State playing willing accomplice. So what can be done?

Be A Dad

Women shame men constantly to “man up” and “provide for their kids.” This is a shit test. I don’t agree that guilt and shame from the Feminine Imperative should be the motivating factor for men to act. A man should want to take care of his kids and be a good father.

I can tell you through personal experience that my existence has been greatly enhanced by having kids. I’m there for them, I support them in all their endeavors, I want them to succeed. Too many dads are mailing it in, and have become the matriarchs of their family, they’ve become lazy. They’ve put down their mantle, working jobs they hate, saying two words to their kids as they head to see the baseball scores and have a beer.

Fatherhood is more than just providing for your kids. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t have the issues we have in Western society. Not only do I support my children financially, I go to my child’s events, I help them with homework, I attend school functions, I am part of my child’s parent teacher organization. I interact with them every day I have them, I’m present. This takes more for me because I also run my own company, sometimes up to 60-70 hours a week. But I still take time for my kids. This isn’t being some kind of superhero, this is required stuff for fathers.

Kids crave a strong male presence in their lives, it gives them perspective that they wouldn’t get from just their mother. It gives them predominately male values that help them succeed. It gives them discipline, strength, loyalty, respect, ambition, drive, and fight. Now, it doesn’t help that these values are being demonized as “toxic masculinity”, and I fight the FI everyday to prove that these are not only needed, but required for kids to have.

Imagine a child without access to these strong, masculine values, and you get to the crux on why western kids are so messed up.

Raising Red Pill Aware Kids

So, how will I proceed in this fem-centric society, especially raising young girls? First, understanding feminine nature is paramount to raising young girls. You are only going to have so much control in what choices your kids will make, and I can only show them the type of man they may want to marry. Strong, masculine father figures help women, when they’ve grown, know exactly what they want. But you can only do so much.

I know that I cannot control hypergamous natures of women. I will be powerless to control my kids eventual choices, I can show them how to navigate this world:

-Avoiding blue pilled betas with no inner sense of purpose

-Not sleeping around with dozens of Chads and getting the thousand cock stare

-Embracing their femininity as well as beauty, poise, and confidence, and other quality feminine traits

-Providing support for any strong man she eventually chooses to have a relationship with

-Not discouraging putting off having kids for a career, but also not discouraging them from doing what they want to do

-Understanding that gender roles don’t change, no matter how many feminazis tell them different

They will be told of the consequences of choosing career over children, and they will reap what they sow. And yes, betas, I don’t want them near you. You need to unplug, get your life together, and be a strong masculine presence for my approval. I’m not letting you off the hook at all. Betas seem to think that women should like them for who they are, regardless of their lack of any concrete purpose or character. Chances are, you will be relegated to being orbiters, and you’ll not be given any quarter.

There will probably be Chads. I have to prepare myself for this eventuality. All females have the same inherent firmware, and this is reality. But I will also provide them with a knowledge of these scenarios, and how they can take responsibility for their own actions if they decide to act on their hypergamous impulses. The “Sex and The City” mentality still exists, and I can’t help but feel sorry for all the women that were led to believe this was a fulfilling life.

I want them to compliment a man, not need one, or vice versa. I want for them what I want from a female in my dating life. I believe in specific gender roles, and straying too far from those ends in confusion, uncertainty, and more times than not, disaster.

Embrace the Unknown

I can’t tell you what will happen. I can only do my best to provide my kids good example of a strong male influence. Parenting is a crap shoot at times, but I play the numbers, and the numbers say that a strong father figure provides nothing but good things for children.

So dads, spend quality time with your kids, be in their lives. They will appreciate all that you give to them, their love makes your life better and more fulfilling, and you can truly be proud of a life worth living when the lessons you’ve preached to your kids are taken up.

It’s time to start being a good father to your kids.