Earlier this week I was caught in the social media cross hairs a bit after a tweet I sent rubbed some folks the wrong way. As a person who has struggled with weight for most of his life, I wanted to make a statement that was a bold conveyance of what I’ve been exposed to in my quest to be healthy. Fat shaming.
This particular tweet was met with resistance from so called “fat acceptance advocates” who recoiled in disgust that fat people couldn’t be considered attractive. But, especially in my experiences, the above is true. But no one wants to talk about it. So let’s talk about it.
Obesity stats are staggering in the United States. Nearly 66% of adults in the United States are overweight. That’s an increase of nearly 40% over the last 50 years. 70 million people (roughly 50/50 men/women) are obese, that’s about 20% of our population. 57 million adults are diagnosed as pre-diabetic, with 23 million now diabetic, and these numbers are predicted to go up as the health crisis of obesity affects more people. Life expectancy has gone down in large part to this epidemic. So what’s caused it?
With access to cheap, unhealthy food, and the severe lack of exercise and activity in children and adults in the United States, the problem only increases as we become more technologically savvy. These days, not only is the access to food easier, but you can now have it delivered. Cooking as a skill has vanished, and most folks eat out as in the early part of 2016, the food service industry reported nearly $750 billion in revenue.
Unhealthy foods are cheaper and access is easier than at any other time in history. This is fueling the fattening up of America, and my own experiences have helped to shape my views of this epidemic.
The Fat Pilled Dad
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life.
When I started 6th grade, I was a whopping 220 lbs, but only 5’10”. I was bullied and harassed constantly as I also had ample man boobs. I was made fun of most every day, victimized simply because I was fat. I had the trifecta (fat, glasses, man boobs), so I wasn’t spared the punishments of bullies. This harassment then doubled in on itself, causing me to stress eat. It was a vicious cycle that many young Americans are going through now. I did, however, see a change as I started to get involved in sports and other activities in high school.
My sophomore year in high school, I shot up to 6″4, thereby making my fat disappear as it had more height to cover. I started to lean out as I continued to be involved in activities. This period in my life was my a good fitness time, where between high school and college, I was exercising pretty regularly. I played soccer, basketball, and racquetball, and was involved in marching band most of my high school career. I really started to see the benefits of exercise in this time, but my memory was short lived.
As I graduated high school and then college, I still had periods where I would be inactive and gain weight back. I would go between my target weight of 250 and back up to 280. I tried diets, and would again and again realize that my activity would seem to determine my weight loss. My senior year of college, I would leave class and do drive thru food everyday, sometimes eating 15-20 bucks worth of food. I didn’t go to the gym, and my inactivity was out kicking my caloric coverage. This yo-yo diet continued until my marriage in 2005.
After my marriage, the blue pilled beta took over and I ballooned to over 300 lbs. I would take down a large plate of nachos with ease, order 20-25 bucks worth of fast food, and continued my bad habits. My ex-wife didn’t like to cook, and although she was a dietitian, we would eat out at a record pace. My ex and I would have periods where we would get back into shape, doing Beachbody and getting back to the gym, but my diet would always hurt my progress. I flirted with 300 on several occasions after getting down to 270. Stress eating was the story of my life, with my sugar intake going crazy every time I was at work.
Then came my wake up call…
The Mortality Epiphany
I got the news one day at work.
A good friend of mine, a 40 year old divorced father of three, had suffered a massive heart attack, and died. Andy was a great guy, and this three kids lost an amazing person. He had just been through a terrible divorce after his wife cheated on him, and was engaged to another woman who we really didn’t support as his next wife. It connects that most men who are blue pilled suffer from obesity issues. But he was just trying to live his life and move on, start over. And just like that, he was gone.
I was in the middle of a separation with my wife, and at 39 years old, and as a father of two, I was shaken. This was a man who’d eaten about the same way I had, had also been a high school football star, and was very close to me in his life habits and experiences. This type of thing could happen to me. And where would my kids be? Where would this leave them?
This was officially the low point of my life. I tipped the scales at 305 lbs. and was in the midst of severe depression. My kids, upon hearing the news of my friend’s death, told me they were worried about me. They didn’t want their dad to end up in the same way. Nothing shocks a system more than listening your kids tell you that they’re worried about your health.
“Dad, we love you and we don’t want you to die.”
The Long Fight Back
So, I had to do something. Along with my kid’s concerns, my ex-wife’s insults of my weight, and even women I was trying to date commenting that “they don’t date or sleep with fat guys,” I knew what I had to do.
I’ve often extolled the benefits of therapy in my blog, and once again, I was helped in yet another way by it. One day, not long after my children expressed their concerns, my psychologist told me straight up, “You’re fat. you’ve been fat most of your life. Why don’t you change that?” I was speechless. I was being fat shamed by my doctor…
“The nerve”, I thought. But what could I do? He was correct. I needed to get this done and never look back. So on the eve on my 42nd birthday, at a bit over 295 lbs, I finally committed to my new life. I renewed my gym membership. I started walking during work. I turned down the donuts. I started cooking more. My meal preps would be legendary. More water was consumed. I started intermittent fasting. The weight started to come off. My clothes were fitting looser. I watched my pants size drop from 42 to 38. In a matter of 6 months, I dropped close to 30 lbs, and went from 40% body fat to 29.9%.
It was happening, finally. I was doing it.
My gym commitment jumped from cardio two times a week to 4-5 days a week strength training. My meal prep included less carbs, and more veggies and protein. I was learning. I was reading. I was doing it.
Today, I’m down to 265 lbs. I’ve lost 40 lbs, and 5 inches off my waist. I still have work to do, but I’m feeling the best I’ve ever felt. I’m in better shape than men 10 years younger than me.
I do a ton of body weight exercises, as well as squats and dead lifts. Strength training, meal prep, and intermittent fasting have been my go to’s. My goal is 250lbs and 15 – 18% body fat. And also the ability to be active with my kids, as well as inspire them to stay healthy. My poor relationship with food has been replaced by my kids and I cooking healthy meals together. They will respect the food they put in their body, as well as the importance of being active.
So back to the crux of this blog post. Fat shaming worked for me. It took everyone telling me they were concerned about my health, and several women I was interested in telling me straight up that they weren’t attracted to fat guys to get me to take action. The shaming felt bad enough to get me to make a change, finally, especially when I had a decent support system to do this.
I will say this. Every person out there who’s had a problem with weight their whole lives needs to see a therapist. Being fat is not only a physical problem, but it’s primarily a psychological one. Low self esteem fuels the collapse into terrible eating habits and lack of activity. So getting in to see a good shrink is paramount to starting your weight loss journey. I would also recommend a personal trainer who pushes you. People need to get out of their comfort zones, and with fat shaming, it really pushes people to take control and make progress. So yes, I’m saying that fat shaming is a good thing.
The Fat Acceptance Phenomenon
Just like those who avoid asking a girl out due to their overwhelming fear of rejection, fat people have accepted that they’re fat while fearing the work and pain it takes to get themselves back into shape.
So, the relatively new Fat Acceptance movement has come about. A fear has promoted a movement, and it’s growing day by day. It’s also a symptom of the JBY (Just Be Yourself) movement, stifling other options for being a better person and getting active and fit. Now, just like feminism, it promotes an atmosphere of fat people as a minority status, even giving them protected minority status with the likes of LGBT movement.
Fat people should not be treated as a protected class. They aren’t. Fat acceptance is treating an obvious mental and physical health disorder as something that should be celebrated. Ill health should not be celebrated. It should be treated. So yes, I’m with the women who fat shamed me. It’s not attractive to be fat. It’s not sexy to be fat. Fatness is a turn off. And most importantly, it’s unhealthy. It’s not like being gay, lesbian, trans or a minority. It’s not a class of people. It’s a poor state of body and mind.
The newest reach of the fat acceptance genre is the “dad bod”. We’re told by countless magazines that the dad bod is in. It’s not. It’s still unhealthy, and in general experience, women want a six pack ab set over a dicky-doo any day.
So, America, you need to be fat shamed. I’m taking action to correct my lifelong issues with weight. I’m still working on it, but I know I’m going to get there. So start seeing your mental health professionals, set up a meeting with a personal trainer, and start eating like your life depends on it.
Because it does.
So as this is a blog about all things Red Pill, I wanted to start a new segment this week for all of my new readers.
As most of you know, I am very much involved in the dating game. I am a single dad, and as a such, I’ve been trying to learn game. Being married for a decade, and of course not being unplugged in the first place, my embarrassing exploits are cataloged on several of my blog posts. However, I’ve realized the error of my ways since unplugging and as an early 40’s single man, I’m exploring the world of dating with a new found vigor.
I’ve been learning game from many of my red pilled brethren, and I wanted to post updates on my progress for everyone to see.
As I have told you, my goal is for you to get a real sense of what it’s like to be in my life, as I confront challenges, learn new skills, approach women, and live my new life as a Red Pill aware man.
Where Can I Learn Game?
There are many resources for men to learn game. I’ve been using several good references for my game practice. But I’ve been trying to learn it from several sources, especially trying to see what works for me. Rather than just googling “PUA techniques” which will of course get you some idea on what to do, I’ve been going through several avenues. So let’s start with books that gave me a good background while I’m out there:
- The Rational Male series – Rollo Tomassi: Obviously I have a soft spot for Rollo as his book was the reason I became unplugged in the first place. Knowing the world of the Red Pill is a huge first step, and these books deliver that is spades.
- The Game – Neil Strauss: This is the quintessential read for anyone looking to see what the PUA community is all about. A very good read for some history on game and who plays it.
- The Art of Seduction – Robert Greene: A very good primer on all things seduction. Greene really drives home methods of seduction, describing types of seducers and each of their preferred methods.
- Mode One – Alan Roger Currie: A quality book detailing Currie’s preferred pickup motif, direct communication. I’ve read it twice now and have employed techniques in this book.
- The Mystery Method – Mystery: Quite possibly the most famous PUA wrote a book on pick up, and it’s very good. I recommend it.
- The Way of the Superior Man – David Deida: A great primer into the mindset men have to have when dealing with women, career, and life in general. I can’t say enough good things about this book.
I have several game gurus on my side bar as well for good reference. There are hundreds of other books by authors like RooshV, Mark Manson, Pook, and others that can give you information.
Why Do I Need to Learn Game?
Game transcends all things in your life. It’s not only good for picking up women, but is also good for advancing your career, and good for getting you to your purpose. It promotes and builds confidence, which is the number one factor that is invaluable for you to have with any endeavor.
Also, as in my case, online dating is a cop out for a beta looking to be plugged back in. Most men don’t like to date, they want to be dominated by a woman in their life so they can talk about sports, play golf, or play video games.
But men who actually want something out of life MUST learn some sort of game. They have to be able to handle themselves with different types of people in different situations. It’s one thing for a man to go through the motions, quite another for one to be a trailblazing leader of men. This is why game is so important. It gives you the skills to be a badass.
So I’ve Learned About Game, Now What?
Well, now you have to do what I did. I would also do it concurrently so that you’re learning on multiple fronts. The concurrent steps are:
- Get your ass to the gym and
- Start practicing your approaches!
These are both key in your grasp of game. Why? Because:
- Going to the gym will improve your physique and grow your confidence
- Practicing approaching women will increase your knowledge and improve your game with women
I am doing both of these things more and more. I go to the gym 4 days a week, for about 1 1/2 to 2 hours at a time.
I also have been approaching women. I’m all for cold approaches, however, I’m more of an IOI (Indictor of Interest) type of approacher. Cold approaches work in terms of sheer numbers, but for guys like me with a tough time finding good times to just do this, the IOI approach can be golden, you just need to know what to look for. BestPUATraining.com is a good start for looking for IOI’s.
The bottom line on IOI’s is sustained eye contact from a woman, as well as a smile from her.
The best way to start your game is to have three things down pat:
- Eye contact
- Open Mind
Keep practicing, going to the gym, and boosting your confidence. You’ll find your preferred method with study, practice, and adjustments.
How Do I Meet Women?
So, you’re like me. You’re 35-45, you’ve learned about game, but where in the hell do you go to meet women? Online dating, in my opinion, should not be a primary source of your approaches. Most of what I’ve found in online dating are girls with emotional issues, fatties, or spam. It’s convenient, which is why it’s not a good source of women. You gotta work for it (you knew I would say that, didn’t you?).
At best, online dating should be supplementing your social life. It should never be a primary catalyst for meeting women.
You have to get out of your shell. If it just means going to a bar, sitting by yourself and having a drink, then so be it. Here are some ways I’ve been meeting women recently:
- I took a yoga class. Not only do you meet women, but they are fit and you get in shape.
- I’ve increased my social circle. Whether it be through work, finding hobbies that you share with other men, joining clubs, the gym, etc. Meeting new people always opens up the possibility of meeting new WOMEN.
- Go (by myself, yes) to bars, clubs, coffee shops, and restaurants. Being able to be comfortable with yourself is a giant weight off of your shoulders in the quest for game.
- As you get into shape, do other classes, or join a Brazilian Ju Jitsu or boxing club. Knowing how to fight increases your confidence, as well as putting you in better shape.
- OCR Racing or other activities are a great way to meet fit women. I do Spartan, which allows me to travel to events and meeting hot girls.
- Networking through your business. As a business owner, this is invaluable, not only for growing potential business leads, but also for meeting women. Many of these events are at bars, pubs, or restaurants, and the women come with the turf.
These are just a sample of the many things you could do. There are hundreds of other examples.
RPD Field Report #1
So with the quick and dirty about game out of the way, let’s start with my first approaches while learning game. Here are some of what I’ve encountered.
I’ve had about 21 approaches in the past three weeks, most have happened at bars, pubs, yoga class, and four happened at my networking events. I will detail a few that I’ve found success with:
- I was at a networking event and I noticed an 8 looking at me. I kept eye contact, and then smiled. We held the look for a few more seconds, then I approached. She was distracted by another person, so I interrupted and asked her if she wanted a drink. I whisked her away to another part of the bar, talked with her for about 30 minutes, and closed with a number.
- I was at my local pub drinking when a 7 came up to me and asked me if I was looking at her (I wasn’t, I was actually looking at another girl, I didn’t even notice her, lol), and I replied, “No, but I’m looking at you now.” She laughed, sat down, and I closed with her number.
- I was flirting with a bartender at a club and had just learned palm reading (or that’s what I told her) and she watched me as I clumsily tried to read her palm. She was flattered and I closed with her number.
- I asked a girl out I had been flirting with (a solid 7 server) and she replied with “I’m just so busy, I don’t know if I can.” My response was “You’re not busy enough for me.” She gave me her number.
These are just a few of the examples of my closes. As I learn and gain more confidence, it will only get better.
I’ve also had several approaches that have ended in her walking away in disinterest. There have been many (75%) of these approaches that have resulted in shitty rejections, but the one thing you have to do is shrug it off and realize it’s not a slam against you, it’s a slam against your game. One girl called me a fat ass and said she doesn’t date fat guys, another girl said I looked like a nerd she picked on in college (keep in mind I’m 43, 6’4″ and about 260 lbs). So you will get rejected, A LOT. Keep at it.
Remember, Rollo always says “Rejection is better than regret.”
Online Dating as a Supplement
As an experiment, I am supplementing my game with Tinder. My goal right now is to meet lots of different types of women, and with an app that allows me to do that on a swipe, I had to take advantage of the convenience. Now, I will tell you that Tinder is a shit show. There are tons of fatties, especially where I’m at, and emotionally challenged women from all walks of life. As you begin dating again like I do, you’ll learn to spot those types and swipe left.
- no fatties
- anything with a Snapchat filter is automatically swipe left
- profiles without full body shots is a swipe left
- Anything where there are pictures of every body part except face is swipe left
So I know a lot of you don’t approve of online dating, but in the spirit of meeting as many women as I can, it’s proven to be a hot bed, especially since I’m tall (6’4″) and muscled out. But my filters have helped as well.
Dating as The Red Pill Dad
So there’s a brief glimpse of what I’m dealing with as a 40-something navigating the dating pool in the Midwest. I will continue to produce these reports as I get the time, and will report my triumphs and setbacks. I want you all to see what I deal with in real time, with real time results. If I can do anything, I want to convince all of you that you can do this, and you can do it well.
Time will tell with me personally. But I’m already off to a great start, and have achieved more in 6 months than I could’ve possibly imagined.
Jessy Taylor, an Instagram influencer with over 100,000 followers, had her account banned this week by IG over racial posts and competition reporting her account as spam. She then recorded a hissy fit on YouTube saying that her account being banned was similar to “being murdered”. At 21 years old, she was one of the top influencers on IG.
So what the hell is an influencer? And why is Jessy so upset about losing her account? First of all, an influencer, as defined by mediakix.com, “are creators who share content on Instagram, building communities around topics and niches.” In Jessy Taylor’s case, those topics and niches were posted pics of herself in bikinis, said controversial things, and basically raised money doing it by relying on her followers to fund her account. So, in essence, it’s a glorified digitized strip club.
So, when her account was banned, she lost her income. As she said herself, she made over $500,000 from her account, and her trips to Gucci were covered. All for just posting pictures of herself in a bikini and basically being a dumb thot. At least she’s a Sagittarius.
As social media continues to grow and dominate everyone’s lives, we are seeing an increase in girls starting “influencer” accounts where they’re scantily clad, claiming they’re just doing it for clicks. Attention whoring thots are nothing new to the manosphere, but with the advent of the internet, more women are doing it, not only because it gets them the attention they so desperately crave, but also provides a financial windfall for very little work. Look good, take pics, post them, watch the show. But who in the world is providing this money and attention for her?
Well, that would be the focus of today’s blog post. Women crave attention, so in poor Jessy’s case, she’s lost that attention by having her account banned. This is worse than anything that can happen to a woman. When she loses her followers, she loses the attention. She can’t bear to become part of the scenery. And there is a very large segment of her followers that give her that attention.
Who in the world follows a girl like this?
Friends? Nah, she’s so vapid that I’d imagine her female hangers on want to see her fail more than anything. As we know, females don’t like other females.
Family? 100k is a ton of family. Nope.
Men? Yes, but what kind of men? Aye, there’s the rub. She’s being financed by beta orbiters. That is, men who hang on her every IG post, hoping against hope that she’ll choose them if they show their support for her, whether it be monetarily, by white knighting, or by consistently complimenting her on her posts. The eternal hope for these guys is that what they do for her results in a lay, or even better, true love and happiness for the rest of their lives.
Anatomy of an Orbiter
Yes, I was an orbiter. I was a very plugged in orbiter. I’ve orbited most of my 42 years on this planet. So I know first hand what we’re dealing with here. With every IG comment, with every Facebook fan post, orbiters dig deeper and deeper into their insecurities. Believing the myth of the nice guy getting the girl just by saying a heartfelt compliment, fighting for her against any of her doubters, or, in my case, paying money, sometimes large sums, to try and impress them.
Orbiters have very low self esteem. They are plugged into a world of delusion. They believe the Hollywood stories and take them in hook, line and sinker. As the title of this blog post suggests, they believe the mirage because it’s all they’ve been taught by the feminized media. So they throw their whole lives at one girl, hoping that this girl will defy all logic and choose them over all others, simply because they’ve said nice things.
“She has to like me, look how much money I gave her!”
“I told that hater off for her, she has to like me now!”
“I’ve said the nicest compliment, she’s going to go out with me.”
Men will follow a girl on IG, then send comments of compliments, even DMing them these compliments. Some of the more zealous orbiters will send dick pics, just hoping they will notice. They don’t notice, so the orbiter will then lash out at his crush, critical of her not noticing the signs of his love for her. He’ll then find a new follow, and the cycle repeats itself.
What sucks the most about these delusions is that the guy sincerely believes these actions will result in getting the girl, so much so that they will build their whole world around this idea. The dream house is built, he’ll change his life to suit her, he’ll pay any amount of money to get her to notice him. But she doesn’t ever come? Why?
Men think logically. Women consistently defy logic. It’s a shitshow for any man hoping that 1 +1 will equal 2 in the feminine mind. It will never happen. But men will spend thousands upon thousands of dollars trying to beat the odds. And they’re left with no money, heartbroken, with disastrous consequences of self harm, harm to their crush, or harm to other innocents lurking when their dream is not fulfilled.
Retraining Your Brain
So my own experiences as an orbiter have been detailed a bit in my blog posts. My soft spot was for female servers. I would tip huge amounts in order to impress them, and it would do the exact opposite. So my understanding came at the expense of thousands of dollars in wasted money, hoping against hope that these thots would see the light and come home with me. It happened with oneitis’s that I had courted even after they had told me they weren’t interested. My friends and family tried to warn me. But it never sunk in. I kept trying to do the same things with women. And time after time, it wasn’t happening, but I finally had sense enough to try and crawl out of the hole, as opposed to doubling down and seeing the same old results with women.
As my old posts have shown, what finally broke me out of this pathetic cycle was when the women I was tipping started commenting about how they’d like new houses, cars, etc, and were hinting at me helping to pay for those things. I felt betrayed, but by myself. It took this shock to my system to get me to think about what the hell I was doing. I was tired of the cycle. I didn’t like where this ride was going, and I wanted to get off. So it was time to pull myself out and unplug.
But other men still don’t have this luxury. They’re still plugged into this mirage.
So how can you, as a plugged in orbiter, begin to take back your life.
Stop Being an Orbiter
The first thing I always say to these men following influencers, spending money on women that aren’t theirs, or white knighting is the truth that stings the most.
“It’s never going to happen.”
Say it again, “It’s never going to happen.”
No matter how much money you throw at her, no matter how many compliments you comment on, no matter how many times you come to her defense, she’ll NEVER see you as anything more than an orbiter from which she can exploit cash and prizes. You’re following a mirage, and you’re hoping to make it real. It won’t ever be real. It just won’t.
The next thing I tell these men is to stop all social media. The urge to comment is a large one, and by not having access to those attention whoring thots, you’re giving yourself a chance at a real life, with real girls.
And look at what happens when you stop following an IG girl. Look what happens when she loses the attention she so desperately craved. You get Jessy Taylor, crying to YouTube about her loss of self. Her whole life was her IG account. Her whole life was her orbiters. She equated it with murder. It’s not even close.
As you literally unplug from social media, you’ll start to see your life in real time, and you’ve taken the first step to unplugging from this disingenuous world.
The last thing I would say to any man who orbits to drive home my point of this behavior is that the bottom line for any IG influencer, Facebook thot, or any other pedestalized woman is that “they don’t give a fuck about you.”
They are there for your attention and your money. They will never give you the relationship you want, you are following a mirage. They just don’t care about what you are doing. They don’t give a fuck.
So, with this new knowledge in hand, you can begin to unplug and take your life back. If I can get at least one man to put down the phone and pick up his life, it’s worth it to me. But the manosphere needs to reach the millions of men making these women famous, and unplug them.
I would love nothing more than to see all the Jessy Taylor’s of the world crying their eyes out because their meal tickets have checked out, and now these men are putting their money and their time on the most important thing, themselves.
As an unplugged Red Piller of almost a year now, I can confidently say that I’ve learned an incredible amount of great information from the Manosphere over that time.
Rollo officially opened my eyes, but many others continue to work the Red Pill everyday. Rian Stone, Andrew Tate, Alan Roger Currie, Goldmund, Alexander JA Cortes, Richard Cooper, Hunter Drew, Donovan Sharpe, Anthony Dream Johnson, the list goes on for miles of influences I continue to draw upon for my Red Pill awareness and evolution. Almost all of them are linked in my side bar. I encourage you to check all of them out immediately. The information, products, and services they provide are invaluable to all men.
This latest installment of my blog will explore what happens before the Red Pill, as the stories I tell you here today are actual experiences I have had in my life. One thing that I do as the Red Pill Dad is I try to be as real as I can be. My trials and tribulations as a blue pill beta in the past are 100% factual, and you’ll soon realize why I needed the red pill.
If you feel like you aren’t a Blue Pill, chances are, you probably are. I didn’t think I was for a long time, but as I gradually became unplugged, I realized some of the things I did as a Beta would be fodder for what not to do in Manosphere blogs and forums for years to come.
These stories are an embarrassing admission of how terribly blue pilled I was, and how truly lost men can be without the help of other unplugged men.
These are not only meant to be amusing but also, they are meant to be a warning to any Blue Pill Beta. Unplugging is your best bet to getting the life you want, and we in the Manosphere aren’t just spouting off bullshit, these are real life situations to avoid.
We talk a lot over on the Manosphere about “Killing the Beta“, as Rollo so succinctly puts it. But it’s a serious problem. Thousands of men commit suicide every year because their lives are empty shells, the Beta mindset has taken over, and they feel there’s only one way out. They lash out at a world they don’t understand, all because the Feminine Imperative wishes to have them as breeding stock for the upper hand against masculinity.
You’ve never been told, so you don’t know. So blissfully ignorant of the world built around you, they say you’re not important. You shouldn’t have a say.
Well, we think you should. You should have a huge say in how you live your life. That’s why I do what I do, and that’s why the Manosphere continues to grow. Men want the truth, and they want their lives back.
Red Pill Dad as a Pathetic Beta
So here we go. Here are my stories of beta fails with women, and how staggering the opportunity costs were to my whole life. I’m where I am now because of my life choices as a beta. But I’m also heading in a new direction and I now control my destiny, something I couldn’t have even fathomed some 11 months ago:
- I first kissed a girl at age 18, after a high school dating career that involved me going with my parents on a date with a girl at 15
- I got my first blowjob from a drugged up college skank at 21.
- I had three “girlfriends” in high school, none of which I kissed. I just bought them dinner and we hung out watching TV. I was too shy to make a move.
- I had oneitis several times. My first oneitis was a girl I had known through mutual friends in middle school and through high school. She friendzoned me immediately, and I still tried to pursue her for over 6 years. During that time, she slept with two of my best friends, and I spent thousands of dollars I didn’t have trying to impress her, even going into over 5k of credit card debt to take her out, and jacking my father’s BMW convertible to try to impress her.
- In college, I continued the trend. I got oneitis on another girl whom I pursued and tried to hook up with. She slept with my college roommate, with me in the room one night, and bragged that she could trust me as a friend to not watch her do such things with my roommate. Yes, I was a complete sexless loser.
- Another girl I fell for was barraged with requests from me asking her to go out. She refused. So, instead of nexting her, I prank called her at least 20 times a day. She never knew it was me, but I stalked her cold until my next oneitis. I did this with one other oneitis until she found out it was me and had her boyfriend call me to threaten me.
- I dated 4 fat girls in college, and never had sex with any of them. Fat girls were the only girls I could get, if any, because I myself was fat, had glasses, and was tepid with women. At 6’4″, 320 lbs, I wasn’t much to look at.
- I worked at a local restaurant as a busboy for about 3 years while attending college. I caught oneitis for a girl there and came in dressed in a suit and tie with flowers to try and impress her. I had to do dishes that night, so I ruined my outfit, and also never got to sleep with her. But her abusive boyfriend got a good fucking that night.
- I started to get out of my shell around 2002, dating around a bit. I actually dated a girl for over 6 months, and never kissed her until the very end of our “relationship”.
- I met my ex-wife of 10 years in 2003. I met her on eHarmony, and as we were both desperate (me to prove I could get laid, and her because her biological clock was on blast), I finally lost my virginity at 27 years of age.
- My marriage sex lasted about 2 years, then it dwindled down to about once every six months. At the time of my divorce, I had had sex with my wife 6 times between 2010 and 2016. During that time, she let me pay for porn.
- After my divorce, the blue pill blues continued. I dated a woman I worked with, we had great sex for about three months, then she ended it. I caught oneitis yet again, and went so far as to purchase over $1,000 worth of jewelry and gifts to try to get her back. Needless to say, she was turned off by my neediness.
- I fell for a server at a local bar and tipped her over $500 on a bill just so she’d sleep with me. As you probably guessed, she didn’t. She had sex with her boyfriend that night, confident she had just fleeced a dumbass of his money. It was when she started hinting that she wanted to buy new furniture for her house to me that I finally got wise (or did I?)
- I wanted to date a woman with four kids (four fucking kids…I already have two!)
- I dated a 200 lb female dominatrix and became her sub for about 3 months
Certainly there is more, but you get the general idea of who I was for quite a long time. And while this may seem pretty bad, there is worse going on out there to men just like me. They have no direction, they have no sense of purpose, and they have no way out. But there is a way.
The Red Pill Will Set You Free
Terrifying, isn’t it? As I look back to my past, I wonder how the hell I ever made it as far as I have in as short of a time as I have. While I’m certainly not where I want to be, I’m working towards my goals diligently.
Today, I’m approaching with more regularity. The HB quality of women I hit on has increased dramatically. I don’t let thirst dictate my moves. My life has become mine again, and I’m still fighting everyday. It can be done, I’m living proof of that. I finally have a purpose, and it’s to help others who have been in my situation and need a way out.
There has been a lot of talk on Twitter and in general about the usefulness of being Red Pill aware. For me, it’s been absolutely necessary for me to be unplugged, as the alternative above is about as bad as you can get. The Red Pill has released me from a life spent mindlessly blowing resources for sex I won’t get, careers I won’t have, or money I can’t spend.
There are purple pill gurus, incels, MGTOW, black pill, clear pill etc that continue to criticize the red pill and what it stands for. But there is no other alternative. It’s either the blue pill or the red one.
There is either truth or fiction. That’s it. No amount of watering down or bargaining it off is going to change that.
So, again, if you’re doing any of the above stunts, you’re a blue pilled beta, and you need to unplug now. Your life will not get any better hoping for fiction. It needs a healthy dose of the red pill.
The truth hurts, but it’s still the truth.
This is the final part of my “Men In” Series
So here it is. I have to address the elephant in the room. As my writings have all suggested, I am the Red Pill “Dad”, so what in the world am I doing to raise my kids in a Red Pill manner?
I’ve been a single dad now for almost 3 years. One thing that I have learned is that kids need their dads, now more then ever. The statistics don’t lie. Fathers are needed to make every aspect of their child’s life better, and this doesn’t just make them better children, it makes them better adults.
When men and women started to bolt from their responsibilities of having safe sex, especially with the advent of birth control, we’ve seen single parent households skyrocket. These households have produced troubled kids, with mothers and fathers having unprotected sex, getting pregnant, and hating each other, it was up to one or the other to take care of the kids (in many cases, it was the mother).
So enter the State as the third party, helping to “right the wrongs” of dastardly men who dare pump and dump, leaving the woman, as if there was only one side to blame. Men have been demonized because they did this, and natural inclinations of women are to blame the men for not supporting them and their kids, but it does take two to tango.
So women now use the state as their surrogate father, while men procreate with potential criminal recourse. But where’s the responsibility for the women? With the Feminine Imperative driving family law and the court system, there is only criminal charges for the man, and cash and prizes for the woman, but they both were involved in creating the child.
The Feminine Imperative and other outlets seem to be encouraging the single mother. With 10 million single mother households and rising here in the US, nothing is being done to encourage two parent households. It’s everyone doubling down in a game that no one wins.
Obviously, I’m not impartial, as being on the male end of family law has only made me question the whole process more, however, I feel like a lot has been lost in western countries on how to get the family unit back together. I do believe that feminism has in part helped to destroy this mindset, with the State playing willing accomplice. So what can be done?
Be A Dad
Women shame men constantly to “man up” and “provide for their kids.” This is a shit test. I don’t agree that guilt and shame from the Feminine Imperative should be the motivating factor for men to act. A man should want to take care of his kids and be a good father.
I can tell you through personal experience that my existence has been greatly enhanced by having kids. I’m there for them, I support them in all their endeavors, I want them to succeed. Too many dads are mailing it in, and have become the matriarchs of their family, they’ve become lazy. They’ve put down their mantle, working jobs they hate, saying two words to their kids as they head to see the baseball scores and have a beer.
Fatherhood is more than just providing for your kids. If it were that easy, we wouldn’t have the issues we have in Western society. Not only do I support my children financially, I go to my child’s events, I help them with homework, I attend school functions, I am part of my child’s parent teacher organization. I interact with them every day I have them, I’m present. This takes more for me because I also run my own company, sometimes up to 60-70 hours a week. But I still take time for my kids. This isn’t being some kind of superhero, this is required stuff for fathers.
Kids crave a strong male presence in their lives, it gives them perspective that they wouldn’t get from just their mother. It gives them predominately male values that help them succeed. It gives them discipline, strength, loyalty, respect, ambition, drive, and fight. Now, it doesn’t help that these values are being demonized as “toxic masculinity”, and I fight the FI everyday to prove that these are not only needed, but required for kids to have.
Imagine a child without access to these strong, masculine values, and you get to the crux on why western kids are so messed up.
Raising Red Pill Aware Kids
So, how will I proceed in this fem-centric society, especially raising young girls? First, understanding feminine nature is paramount to raising young girls. You are only going to have so much control in what choices your kids will make, and I can only show them the type of man they may want to marry. Strong, masculine father figures help women, when they’ve grown, know exactly what they want. But you can only do so much.
I know that I cannot control hypergamous natures of women. I will be powerless to control my kids eventual choices, I can show them how to navigate this world:
-Avoiding blue pilled betas with no inner sense of purpose
-Not sleeping around with dozens of Chads and getting the thousand cock stare
-Embracing their femininity as well as beauty, poise, and confidence, and other quality feminine traits
-Providing support for any strong man she eventually chooses to have a relationship with
-Not discouraging putting off having kids for a career, but also not discouraging them from doing what they want to do
-Understanding that gender roles don’t change, no matter how many feminazis tell them different
They will be told of the consequences of choosing career over children, and they will reap what they sow. And yes, betas, I don’t want them near you. You need to unplug, get your life together, and be a strong masculine presence for my approval. I’m not letting you off the hook at all. Betas seem to think that women should like them for who they are, regardless of their lack of any concrete purpose or character. Chances are, you will be relegated to being orbiters, and you’ll not be given any quarter.
There will probably be Chads. I have to prepare myself for this eventuality. All females have the same inherent firmware, and this is reality. But I will also provide them with a knowledge of these scenarios, and how they can take responsibility for their own actions if they decide to act on their hypergamous impulses. The “Sex and The City” mentality still exists, and I can’t help but feel sorry for all the women that were led to believe this was a fulfilling life.
I want them to compliment a man, not need one, or vice versa. I want for them what I want from a female in my dating life. I believe in specific gender roles, and straying too far from those ends in confusion, uncertainty, and more times than not, disaster.
Embrace the Unknown
I can’t tell you what will happen. I can only do my best to provide my kids good example of a strong male influence. Parenting is a crap shoot at times, but I play the numbers, and the numbers say that a strong father figure provides nothing but good things for children.
So dads, spend quality time with your kids, be in their lives. They will appreciate all that you give to them, their love makes your life better and more fulfilling, and you can truly be proud of a life worth living when the lessons you’ve preached to your kids are taken up.
It’s time to start being a good father to your kids.
This Is Part 5 of my “Men In” Series
I’m up and at it this afternoon after an incredible conversation I had with my best friend of about 35 years last night.
We tend to have very thought provoking discussions as we drink craft beer and smoke cigars, while I hit on the servers and he texts his wife.
Last night, however, got my brain all fired up, as a question came up that I was able to answer, but just a few years ago I couldn’t.
The question was posed in the middle of a discussion we were having about men’s rights and it came out very abruptly.
“If you had all the money you would need, or want, and all the sudden you didn’t work anymore, what would you do? What would be your purpose?”
I’ve recently discovered several purposes for myself, so the question was easy. I want to help men unplug, I also want to broaden my horizons on the red pill. I want to get into better shape, I want to be a great father. I want to learn to be better at game, and I want to forge a new career path of my own choosing, instead of being chained to my current business for the rest of my life.
But when we got to my friend, he was quiet. He couldn’t think of anything that would fulfill his purpose. He has been working all his life to provide for his wife and kids, that if one day it was okay not to go in, they have enough money, he didn’t have an answer to what he would do with his life.
So, my readers, ask yourself the question, “What is your purpose?”
The Blue Pill Purpose
Men are corrupted by so many things in this world from birth to death. They are told what to do by many entities, and what drives them, especially in the early years, are their parents. If they’re lucky enough to have a two parent household, Dad will pass down his typical “you are your job” line and that hard work to provide is what he had done. Mom will pass down her lines of “provider” status for any man. He has to provide for his family.
If he’s in a single parent household, especially with a single mom, he’s then assigned to be the impromptu patriarch, (or worse, the mother tries to assume this role) which is a task he doesn’t need to do, nor deserve. So he’s chastened to do what he can, and more often than not this is met with disdain. And without a proper father figure, he’s left to find other figures to emulate, most of which were members of a single mother family themselves. The process continues unabated.
As they get older, females drive to press men into servitude toward their ends continues to ramp up. Men will sacrifice anything to sleep with their oneitis, and their purpose, hopes, and dreams will go to the trash heap just for a piece of ass. They then follow their love to the ends of the earth, after which she sleeps with the first Chad she meets.
So now, their career awaits. If they were like me, they chose a career that was semi-interesting, but more importantly, would be one that pays the bills. So they strive for middle management in a corporate environment, all while marrying their college sweetheart or the girl they met on Bumble, and as they have kids, the wife stays home while the man busts his ass to bring home the bacon. The wife has an insatiable appetite for a new home, or new carpet, or paint, or she wants to go back to school because her first go round she didn’t do what she REALLY wanted. And then, because he’s killing himself to pay for all of the shit she’s bought, she cheats on him because he’s “not there for her or doesn’t understand her feelings.”
So here he is, stuck in a life that was not of his own choosing. And all he does is serve the imperative. Sure, he may watch sports, porn, hang with his other blue pill buddies, catch some concerts, mow his grass, landscape his home with the inflated mortgage, get fat, lament about his lot in life, but what truly does he do for HIMSELF?
It’s depressing as hell, but unfortunately, it’s where a majority of men find themselves.
Grasping At Straws
So what do they do? Much of the time, men are tricked into thinking serving institutions will give them purpose, but these institutions only serve themselves and the feminine imperative. So blue pilled men think they’ve escaped, but instead, are right back to serving something that has no interest in their well being.
Many men will go the religious route, which is far from self serving. Religion has become corrupted and the church continues to devolve into yet another feminization tool to control men. The church, at one time long ago, had men’s best interest at heart, but now, it’s another push for men to do their duty, which is serving female’s best interest. It’s more now about how to be a good husband, how to serve your wife and family, and how NOT to rock the boat. “We certainly don’t want men thinking for themselves, now do we?”
So men will cling to different worlds, hoping to find something that will give them a sense of life, a sense of purpose. And they fail. Because they can’t see the forest from the trees. They cannot truly have their own purpose unless it serves a need from the Imperative. So they continue to be led astray.
The minute they decide to go off this path that the Imperative wants them on, they are mocked, derided, ridiculed, and shamed back into it.
Women never have men’s best interests at heart. It’s not in their nature.
It’s truly when he decides to unplug that the world becomes as he should have been seeing it.
So now, he’s unplugged.
It’s a rush of emotions. But now, he can truly fixate on his own life, his own purpose. It’s a clearing that many men have trouble overcoming, because, as in my case, I felt as if I wasted 3 decades of my life. There is despair, depression, and regret about the past, and many men won’t realize this is the only way to gain true clarity in their life, and they miss the boat for a few years.
The one thing that the red pill has afforded me is that clarity. I can now truly focus on what I want to do. Soul searching has been plentiful, but without the noise of a blue pill existence, it’s quiet, and it allows you to focus and explore who you really want to be.
There are, as in my friend’s case especially, exceptions. He and his wife have mutual goals, in a relationship built on complimentary relations, they work together. But she understands she must support him. His success is her success, and she and his ends line up. What’s very heartening about his situation is that, he’s free to explore his purpose, and his wife supports his quest wholeheartedly. It’s rare and needs to be commended.
A woman who puts her man’s purpose as her own, is a woman that truly loves and respects her man.
Quest For Yourself
So now what?
If you’re like me, you’re working towards your purpose. You have now dedicated your life to the drive toward this piece that defines your existence on this planet.
You will have to search for your purpose. You will have to dig deep, meditate, breathe, and look deep inside yourself.
You have something to give to this world, you just have to find it.
So, begin your quest, lads. It’s the most important mission you’ll ever undertake.
Find your purpose. Begin your journey.
This is Part 4 of my “Men In” Series
Today, as I type this, I stand at over $33,000 in debt.
How the hell did I get that way? Well, it’s one thing, mainly. My divorce.
One of the biggest reasons I’ve been against marriage is because of the financial disasters that befall men when they get divorced. Men are adversely affected because they tend to make more than women, and women, while wanting to be independent, want it both ways and become more dependent on the broken family law system to get them “what they deserve”, or “what they’ve become accustomed to”.
So I sit here today, trying to navigate a debt that was created simply because I was unhappy with my wife and I left her. So what the hell happened?
Folks, it’s no surprise that men have 3 times as much debt as women. Men bear the responsibility of having to be the breadwinner a lot of the time, and they take the lion’s share of the risk to their own credit. And women tend to come into the relationship with debts of their own, with an all too excited Beta ready to help her pay off her debts in exchange for sex. Now I know I’m generalizing, but the “Captain Save a Ho” mentality is alive and well when a Beta finally gets married to his oneitis.
When I first met my ex-wife, I had only a bit of credit card debt and a car payment. She came into the relationship with a fresh bankruptcy, student loan debt, and a car payment. We managed to pay off all her debt and my car, with much of the heavy lifting coming from me. Then the divorce hit.
As an owner of my own company, my ex was determined to get her share of it. Her rationale was that by being a stay at home mom watching the kids, she was entitled to a generous sum of my share of my family’s company. She had “helped me build it”. Family law is a harsh mistress when it comes to deciding who has to pay what, and while the man usually bears the brunt of this, I was lucky in that we were debt free and didn’t own any credit cards.
So, we had a large house to sell, but there existed a double-edged sword. My name was the only one on the house, so while she couldn’t claim it, I was solely responsible for the sale of it. With her past credit problems, she couldn’t get approved with me, so I bought the house myself. I had to take out a loan to upgrade the house to get it to sell because I decided I didn’t need a large house, and the monthly payments made it too tight at the end of the month. On top of that, I had to negotiate a settlement with my ex for my share of the company.
Add to that attorney’s fees and the regular weekly child support, and I was in debt over $50,000. All because I wanted a divorce.
Now, I subscribe to the idea that debt is slavery, and there are many who will disagree with my approach. But I believe that credit is a bad thing, and too many men get into trouble with money, even when they’re making a lot of it. Now there are some good things to talk about here. I haven’t had a credit card in over a decade. I haven’t had a car payment is 7 years. So there are some freedoms I can claim, however, it’s small consolation when you’re facing 5 digit debt, and six if you owe on your house.
Debt Is Slavery
Where ever you look today, debt is everywhere. Men can’t escape it and need some help. My own path may be of some help, for as I am currently in debt, I’ve managed to pay off over $17,000 in a little over a year. So how?
I write a lot about men needing to be in control of their lives, whether it be fitness, dating, raising children, or a career. Finances are just another thing men need to control because they can get out of hand very quickly, and if you’re undisciplined, just like in other aspects of your life, you’ll quickly find yourself in a very deep hole with a very small shovel.
So when you take control of your life, know that the number one thing that can help you get out of debt is your paycheck. But you have to keep track. Having a budget is a fantastic way that you can get control of your finances. When you know what you are spending, and how you are spending it, you have a better idea of where your money is going, and what you could be saving for. I look at my budget daily and have my month’s money spent already. Knowing what is coming up, as well as bigger expenditures that happen to be around, is so important for a man to maintain his control. I would also recommend Dave Ramsey’s Total Money Makeover, where he explains the 7 baby steps of financial freedom. While I follow Dave Ramsey’s philosophy a bit, I don’t subscribe to his religious undertones as much as other guys would, but it’s still worth your time to get that book.
Back on Track
As a man, you have several ways you can build your empire. One of the main ways is to afford a career you’ll love, that will make you a ton of money. I do work a job as a company owner, but also am branching out to do what I love, helping men. Getting your income up is the fastest way to destroy debt, and doing so also gives you the financial freedom to do the things you really want to do.
So what would I recommend? Cut up your credit cards and pay them off. Save a bit for an emergency. Get your debt down quickly. Start saving for retirement and kids college. Do it within the context of your current job, and also try to make money doing what you love, on the side at first.
One of the many benefits of taking control of your finances is the fact that not only do family and friends respect a man who has his financial house together, but you become more attractive to the opposite sex as well. But beware! Now that you’re in control, you can be much more selective when it comes to a woman you want to be with. Women can complicate your life in more ways than one, and getting one who doesn’t have her financial house in order is a recipe for disaster. When you build it with your own blood and sweat, you need to be more mindful of letting just anyone come in to your castle.
Empower Your Wallet
You can affect your own income by the very life selections you make. As a powerful man, you alone dictate what you will spend your money on, and how much of it you’ll earn. You can determine how to live your life, as a slave to a debtor, or as a bank giving out the loans. It’s all about choices. And just like getting into shape, it’s hard work. It’s long hours at a job you may not like while working towards what you want, it’s making choices for the long term instead of doing what feels good at the moment, it’s passing on that blonde 7 or 8 because she owes 15k in credit card debt and can’t stop spending other people’s money. In this case, short term sacrifice leads to long term flexibility, and makes you the boss in your own financial life.
Choose no debt, and you’ll have one less hindrance between you and a successful, fulfilling, masculine life.
This is Part 1 of my “Men In” series:
“He’s Going to Pay for What He Did To Me.”
Throughout my red pill journey, questions inevitably come up when I’m talking with friends, family, and men I’m trying to reach about why I decided to do this whole thing.
There is an inherent risk to what I am doing, as it completely flies in the face of everything I was taught, as well as it’s not exactly politically correct to believe certain aspects of the Red Pill.
One thing I stress as a RP aware blogger is the conditions that I describe that happened to me are not unique to my situation. I speak about my experience with certain women because what has been described at length in the manosphere HAS happened to me.
The RP narrative hits close to home for me because of the women I’ve been with. But this certainly doesn’t apply to all women, as dealing in generalities is a dangerous game that I won’t play.
As I type this, I’m constantly bombarded with articles citing the RP as a misogynistic practice put forth by losers who have an axe to grind with women they were dumped by, who they couldn’t ask out, or who cheated on them. They claim that the manosphere is rife with basement dwelling keyboard jockeys who couldn’t get laid, much less get a woman to notice them. They claim that the RP gives men unlimited reasons to trash women, complain about not getting laid, contemplate violent thoughts, and other horrible issues that RP is sometimes attached to.
However, this is not the red pill I know. This is sects of crazies dedicated to perverting red pill truths into their own distorted reality. There is blame of women for their lot in life. These are the incels. This is misogyny. This is anger. These are men who need help.
I wish to pursue a more blatant definition of the red pill, that of positive masculinity. A man must take responsibility for himself, his circumstances, and make the best choice available. A man must constantly work to improve himself, not only for him, but for those who rely on him. A man must be a father, to support his children in a positive role, helping to raise them to become well adjusted adults.
As many studies have shown, a strong, masculine presence is essential to raising a well adjusted child. Men need to grow up and take responsibility for their choices, which in many situations they don’t. I can’t tell you the amount of dead beat dads that I know of, who ran off to whatever they were after, only to leave their kids and significant other in need of that masculine presence. A man needs to lead, not cut and run. We as men need to take the reins back and show people how amazing dads are, and continue to raise the next generation to know how to be a successful husband and father.
There are many more areas a man can take more responsibility. A man can take care of his own birth control. Wearing a condom not only prevents sexually transmitted diseases, but it also prevents unwanted pregnancies, as well as showing a woman you’re in control of your body. Men need to take a greater role in birth control.
I love women. Femininity is an amazing thing that I absolutely adore. That being said, there are many women out there that fit the red pill narrative to a tee. Helping men to recognize these signs and what they can do to maximize their efforts with women in their lives is only going to strengthen the bonds between both sexes. Some women won’t say no to a better man, especially one who exhibits more alpha tendencies. And studies do show that women do prefer aggressive, alpha based males over their counterparts. The dads or cads allure is real (also known in the manosphere as “Alpha Fucks and Beta Bucks”). Alpha males, in my opinion, are real, or at least their most attractive tendencies are.
Also, there is a concerted effort by crazy feminists to destroy men. They do want equality, they want a gender war. I’m not only staunchly against misogyny, but the natural lean of some fringe feminists is to spread misandry, which is just as bad as misogyny. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Men and women are equal, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t different. Both sexes have strengths and weaknesses. And yes, I do believe in traditional gender roles. But the fight against the traditional gender roles can go too far sometimes.
We can’t even have a Christmas song…
|Source: Craig James, The Family Alpha|
Why do I do this?
Men need to be men again.
Why do I do this?
I want to share my experiences with other men to help them become better.
Why do I do this?
Because men are being portrayed as expendable, and we aren’t even the majority sex on this planet.
Why do I do this?
Because men are reaching out in their loveless marriages to me, and asking me what they can do to be with their wives intimately again.
Why do I do this?
Because sex is one of the most important things in a relationship for men. And any man that tells you different doesn’t know what he’s talking about. As Rollo Tomassi states, “Sex is the glue that holds a marriage together.”
But the most important reason is a lesson to all men. A lesson a friend of mine learned first hand, and a lesson I won’t forget:
I had a very good friend from college some 20 years ago whom I kept in touch with. He was a great dad, great husband, and was as I was, a blue pill beta. He married his wife after they met in college, and she was his one and only sexual partner. We grew apart, as some friends do, but I always made it a point to at least call him once or twice a year to see how he was. His kids were just a bit older than mine, and we’d talk about our lives.
One night, he reached out to me when I was still married, and was concerned about his marriage. He and his wife had not had sex in over a year, and there he was, in a loveless marriage. He was out of shape, working a job he hated, and concerned that something had happened. I simply told him, in my blue pill state at that time, that “everything will work out. Just be yourself. Go to counseling with your wife if you think there’s a problem.”
After that conversation, I didn’t talk to him much anymore. After some sporadic conversations about two months later, I lost touch with him. It wasn’t until about 5 years ago that his name came up again, this time, for something that shocked me as a man to the core.
I had a chance to catch up with a mutual friend at a bar. I asked how my friend was, and she replied very solemnly.
Turns out, my friend had attempted counseling with his wife. They went for a few sessions, but she abruptly stopped going. One day, she approached him with the news. She had been cheating on him for over 2 years with a guy she met at work. She said she didn’t love him anymore, and he was devastated. He had done everything by the book and had wasted his life on a woman who didn’t love or respect him. And all because he was doing what society said he was supposed to do.
As our mutual friend spoke, her voice cracked. “He committed suicide just three months after he found out. It was heartbreaking.” I couldn’t believe it. I was speechless.
This story speaks to all men. It spoke to me, and it and other stories like it drive me to make men better for themselves. I can’t save those who we’ve lost, but I can try to prevent this from happening again.
Men are 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide than women. I need to do what I can to help remember those like my friend, who had his whole life ahead of him, but was never unplugged to live life for himself. I can’t save him anymore, but I can save myself, and I can save other men.
I can attempt to push back, from our terribly unfair family court system in the US to cataloging my attempts to learn game, from chronicling my life as a father to my constant state of learning about interpersonal relationships between men and women, but my wish is to inform.
To sum it up, Chris Rock recently released a comedy special that has a controversial quote, but one I tend to believe in to some extent. It certainly drives home some points of the blue pill world I experienced:
I want my life to be a blueprint for how to be a red pill man. I want to raise my kids with a strong, masculine presence. I want to be the best version of myself I can be.
And now, you know why I do this.